They Dislike Us Even More For Minding Our Own Business?

[theoutsider]

I don't get these types of people and am wondering if any of you have had to deal with this personally. Okay, I think we all know that people tend to make unfair judgments against people with SA and ultimately decide they don't like us. I've come to accept that many will take this stance, it's just a part of life (for me anyway). I take it with an internal shrug of the shoulders and think, "Some people will like you and many won't". However, I'm of the belief that if you don't like me, I've no reason to communicate with you outside of what is absolutely necessary. There's no animosity here on my part, I just don't like feeling victimized by others' hostility and unfair treatment.

Here's what I don't get: I feel like distancing myself from them and keeping contact to a bare minimum should end the problem or at least greatly alleviate it. However, I've seen the same people who act as if they hate my very presence in the same room with them become highly offended once they realize I'm coming around a lot less often or that I'm not making an effort to make friends with them. Instead of being happier that I'm not around to annoy them, they actually seem more angry and amp up their efforts to make it clear they don't like me. What's that all about?? Are people just being melodramatic or is this just human nature for some?

I'll admit luckily, this isn't something I'm currently going thru but I've seen it played out in my own life as well as with others so many times. This is just behavior I've often wondered about and thought here was as good a place as any to discuss.

 

[Sacrament]

They probably lack self-esteem and project that onto you. When you distance yourself, they feel even more bitter because it appears as though you don't like them.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

They probably lack self-esteem and project that onto you. When you distance yourself, they feel even more bitter because it appears as though you don't like them.

I agree.

It's unfortunate the the scorched earth policies we use to keep ourselves safe actually end up doing us more harm than good in the end. When people are insecure, they will fill your silence with how they feel about themselves. So shyness is seen as aloofness or arrogance, whereas a person with healthy self esteem would just say "Man, that guy's really shy... what's on TV?" When we put distance between us and them on top of it, this faulty perception is bolstered.

Maybe there's a lesson to be learned here, seeing as how we run into so much hostility because of our condition. If they're so insecure and screwed up, why the hell do we care what they think of us? :bigsmile:

 

[theoutsider]

I agree.

It's unfortunate the the scorched earth policies we use to keep ourselves safe actually end up doing us more harm than good in the end. When people are insecure, they will fill your silence with how they feel about themselves. So shyness is seen as aloofness or arrogance, whereas a person with healthy self esteem would just say "Man, that guy's really shy... what's on TV?" When we put distance between us and them on top of it, this faulty perception is bolstered.

Maybe there's a lesson to be learned here, seeing as how we run into so much hostility because of our condition. If they're so insecure and screwed up, why the hell do we care what they think of us? :bigsmile:

Very true. I actually couldn't give a rip about what those people think about me, I just find their behavior curious. I wonder if ego doesn't also play a part in it for some of them. Like maybe they see themselves as the top dogs and how dare somebody they deem as lower than them be so bold as to snub them (their perception).

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Some do... I used to work at this job where this one guy annoyed the crap out of me because he would sing and talk behind my back like saying I was quiet... (duh) anyway I just thought I'm gonna mind my own business and then he got in my face and was like why you ignoring me huh huh huh? I'm like just doing my job and he kept approaching me getting more irritated from me doing nothing... when I'm at work I don't want to have random talks about singing badly...

 

[theoutsider]

Some do... I used to work at this job where this one guy annoyed the crap out of me because he would sing and talk behind my back like saying I was quiet... (duh) anyway I just thought I'm gonna mind my own business and then he got in my face and was like why you ignoring me huh huh huh? I'm like just doing my job and he kept approaching me getting more irritated from me doing nothing... when I'm at work I don't want to have random talks about singing badly...

I think I remember you talking about him on here. That's exactly the type of thing I'm wondering about. It almost seems like he wanted you to to be concerned about his behavior and when you weren't (or didn't appear to be), suddenly it was an even bigger problem. It's like he felt you were depriving him of something. LOL.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

I think I remember you talking about him on here. That's exactly the type of thing I'm wondering about. It almost seems like he wanted you to to be concerned about his behavior and when you weren't (or didn't appear to be), suddenly it was an even bigger problem. It's like he felt you were depriving him of something. LOL.

lol yeah it was probably the same person he was rude to me for doing nothing and expected me to cry I guess... it seems some ppl want a reaction in order to feel in control of everyone

 

[AlienGeranium]

I think it's that the world is full of all sorts of people, and when people don't seem to follow the same social rules we may make assumptions about why. In parts of Africa, it's considered extremely rude not to have a lengthy conversation with a store clerk when purchasing an item, or going to the post office, or whatever. So if you don't have a half hour conversation with the people you interact with in the community, most people are going think you're a **** and not like you. Some may be more openminded and understanding, but to a lot it'd just be hard to grasp why you aren't having conversations.

People who are raised in a way that expects you to partake in small talk and show interest in others peoples lives may also get offended when you seemingly "ignore" them. It' may not be that they hate shy or anxious people (I mean they may be annoyed or frustrated, I even find that understandable and I'm the biggest culprit you'll find), but they are assuming you're minding your business for other reasons. That you don't like THEM for one, which is hard not to take personally. A lot of us on here read into things a lot deeper than we should, so we should be able to sympathize when it's done to us. I know at my work people will joke from time to time that I "hate everyone" there for not talking much, and they probably believe it to a degree. I don't, but it would give them justification for disliking me.

 

[AtTheGates]

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[Avatar]

Social humans are used to being around other social humans.For some,that one non-social human is seen as abnormal,strange,or weird.

 

[Ads7800]

Different strokes for different folks, at the end of the day.
There are just many people who like us just fine, or more often don't even care; they're too busy checking their Facebook feed on their iPhones. :bigsmile: