Skog
Well-known member
After thinking about it for a very long time, I told two people at work about AvPD by giving them some printed information about it. I hoped they would recognize my behavior when they read the material.
It has become a very uncomfortable experiment. I hoped that armed with this knowledge, they would treat me in a way that made me feel more welcome, because they would no longer misconstrue my withdrawal behavior.
I still don't feel welcome. I'm hoping that will improve. I'm uncertain whether I made a mistake or not. At first, neither one spoke to me. I was devastated. Then after a couple of days, one sent message that she was busy, but wanted to talk to me about it, and the other dropped by and had a "normal" conversation, but without any mention of the information I had provided about me. That only made me feel a little better, since I expected a prompt reaction either of support or rejection and not such ambivalence.
Both have had further conversations with me. I tried to be more blunt than I would prefer and came out and asked both why there wasn't the sort of direct reaction I would have given either of them. They just don't think the same way, I guess. The one I was already closer to said she was surprised as she had never seen me as avoidant; she just thought I was a particularly private person. The other said upon reading the material I had given her, that she could see similarities to my behavior and she hadn't promptly responded to my disclosure because she didn't know what to say, and when she did, she thought maybe just having a normal conversation was what I wanted.
It's still too close to when I've shared the information with them to see how this is going to turn out. They are not altering their conduct to make me feel more comfortable. Neither one avoids me if I approach them, but they don't seem to appreciate how insecure I am and that what would make be feel more secure at the moment would be increased attention initiated by them. I don't want to be the one to seek them out and start a conversation, right now. It was very hard to make the disclosure, and worrying about whether I made a horrible mistake makes it harder to also have to initiate socializing with them, when I'm still busy monitoring whether they're just putting up with out of guilt or pity, or actually like me being around.
After keeping my office door closed for months, I opened it for a week to encourage contact, but they both walk by and ignore me, unless I contact them. I have closed my door again. I am very confused and hurt.
It has become a very uncomfortable experiment. I hoped that armed with this knowledge, they would treat me in a way that made me feel more welcome, because they would no longer misconstrue my withdrawal behavior.
I still don't feel welcome. I'm hoping that will improve. I'm uncertain whether I made a mistake or not. At first, neither one spoke to me. I was devastated. Then after a couple of days, one sent message that she was busy, but wanted to talk to me about it, and the other dropped by and had a "normal" conversation, but without any mention of the information I had provided about me. That only made me feel a little better, since I expected a prompt reaction either of support or rejection and not such ambivalence.
Both have had further conversations with me. I tried to be more blunt than I would prefer and came out and asked both why there wasn't the sort of direct reaction I would have given either of them. They just don't think the same way, I guess. The one I was already closer to said she was surprised as she had never seen me as avoidant; she just thought I was a particularly private person. The other said upon reading the material I had given her, that she could see similarities to my behavior and she hadn't promptly responded to my disclosure because she didn't know what to say, and when she did, she thought maybe just having a normal conversation was what I wanted.
It's still too close to when I've shared the information with them to see how this is going to turn out. They are not altering their conduct to make me feel more comfortable. Neither one avoids me if I approach them, but they don't seem to appreciate how insecure I am and that what would make be feel more secure at the moment would be increased attention initiated by them. I don't want to be the one to seek them out and start a conversation, right now. It was very hard to make the disclosure, and worrying about whether I made a horrible mistake makes it harder to also have to initiate socializing with them, when I'm still busy monitoring whether they're just putting up with out of guilt or pity, or actually like me being around.
After keeping my office door closed for months, I opened it for a week to encourage contact, but they both walk by and ignore me, unless I contact them. I have closed my door again. I am very confused and hurt.