Stupid Friends

[veggielover]

A quick journal...........
I call myself a loser because whenever I try to make plans with someone they are already doing something else with other friends. I feel like they are this tight little cluster and I'm desperately trying to fit in, but it just won't happen. I feel like every time I ask one of those friends to hang out, they must just roll their eyes and think to themselves, "god, why is this loser trying to talk to me?" The thing is though, these people befriend me only when they want to, only when their other friends aren't around. I guess I'm not cool enough to hang out with them AND their other friends..it makes me feel like shit. I try not to take it so seriously, but this is how I feel and this is how they make me feel. It's like why do I even try anymore? I guess because I don't have any other friends. It always comes back to this....not having other friends. Trying to make friends with old friends who have moved on to other groups of friends. They make me feel welcom when they actually hang out with me, but I think the reality is that they are just using me. They are not my real friends. Now what? I don't know who else to go to because they are all I really have...even though its not real. I feel disgusted that I try so hard to keep these friendships now that I know their real characteristics towards me. Or maybe I'm completely wrong, yeah right..

 

[JA2007]

This happens to me too. I'm 25 and still trying to figure out what group I fit into. My old friends seem to have moved on to more outgoing groups and my new friends are wishy-washy with me. I mostly hang out with my mom because she is always up for anything and knows me for who I truly am. The best thing I can suggest is try finding friends who know who you really are and they will be more likely to stick around longer.

 

[anomicdeer]

I don't even have friends 'in real life'. I have 'online friends' and I still feel like they really don't like me. Sometimes I do think they like me because they didn't have to talk to me if they really didn't want to. But that is how I feel with only a few of them. There are some I wish I could meet in real life but it won't ever happen, because they probably don't want to meet me, or because of SA.

 

[danstelter]

Well, it seems that your analysis that your friends are "stupid" is probably fairly close to the truth. They seem to treat you as a thorn in their side, only to be noticed when nothing else is going on. It might be helpful to think of these people as acquaintances and not friends because blowing you off and only hanging out with you as a last resort is not what real friends do.

If you want to make friends, try doing some things that are outside of your current routine. Take a class and start to learn a new skill or one you've always been interested in (martial arts for example or whatever it is that you might like), or go out and volunteer (there's tons of opportunities out there - the local human society, working with mentally disabled etc...).

Feeling like a "loser" indicates to me that you probably struggle with self-esteem, which is not at all unusual for people with social anxiety. Developing your skills and moving out into the world and growing as a person will help you to develop a better sense of self-esteem, and once you find what it is that you are good at, you will find other people who are good at the same thing and enjoy your company. It is all up to you how you end up doing that, and hopefully some of these suggestions have helped you to get steered in the right direction.