shyness is social suicide.

[elliegrindhouse]

seriously, lol. Espically when you're at that age where you now attend parties, and other social gatherings like that. Take this weekend for example, lastnight, Sunday.. bush party. Friendliest people you will ever meet were there, not to mention a guy I've rather fancied for quite awhile. While everyone was up, socializing, I found myself frozen in place, a statue if you may. I pretty much sat in the corner, with my bestfriend, and made everything super awkward. I thought about going to go talk to people, even stood up a couple of times, determined. But I just, couldn't take a step forward. I don't exactly know what to do anymore. Some physcologist told me to stop avoiding social gatherings where new people will be, so I do. And completely fail. I fear they'll view me as stupid, and disapprove in me, entirely. I guess I will be a viewer of society, forever looking through the glass. Anyone feel as completely miserable as I do?

 

[Rheves]

It really isnt real! I freeze up when I become aware of how people are looking at me and probably thinking WTF is up with this guy? But you have to remember that it isnt REAL! And suppose that it is? Those ppl are no better than you are. They have no right to look at you and judge.

 

[elliegrindhouse]

I've never actually thought about the fear not being real. |: Sounds like a good approach though. Also, do you find the longer you have suffered social anxiety.. the more harder it is to maintain a decent conversation with someone? Like, not knowing what to talk about for instance, and how exactly to respond? :\

 

[Teardrop]

Yeah, I know that feeling. And I must say being andoutsider looking in describes it very well. Though, from my POV you're also quite lucky - you attend social gatherings! Not only would I never have the guts to go, but there's no one to ask me anywhere either.

 

[antipop621]

I can't do parties. The last one I went to was in February. Apparently, after I left (early) people were talking about how quiet I was.

I didn't even want to play Rock Band with all of them.

 

[Slothrop]

I fear they'll view me as stupid, and disapprove in me, entirely.

That didn't happen Sunday, did it? I'd guess that you fear it will happen far more than it ever actually does happen, if it happens at all. It's an irrational fear, not grounded in reality. And that irrational fear won't go away if you just stay home. The small sense of relief you get from avoiding a potentially uncomfortable situation is usually overshadowed by the pain of missing out on what you'd like in your life.

I think it is much more important that you continue to not avoid situations that you would like to have in your life than to avoid them on account of anxiety. The more experience you have, the less anxiety you will feel.

I don't mean to suggest you should go to every gathering you possibly can or berate yourself for choosing not to, but rather to just look at each as an opportunity to see if you can do better (meaning more like what you want) than last time. Usually you can, and with less effort than you'd think.

 

[Argamemnon]

No offence to the OP, but claiming that "shyness is social suicide" is absurd. As if being shy or anxious is something we can control when we want. That's totally BULLSHIT.

 

[wiima]

I pretty much sat in the corner, with my bestfriend, and made everything super awkward.

Would it be possible to take your friend with you when going to talk to new people?

I find socializing MUCH easier, when I'm with someone I know, if I'm alone
So I dont have to carry the whole situation all by myself...

 

[recluse]

The age where i should be like everyone else and party has past me, i'm 28 and others have gone through the 'partying' stage of their lives and are now settled down with partners, children, their own houses.

Still atleast i've never had std's and liver damage

 

[Argamemnon]

The age where i should be like everyone else and party has past me, i'm 28 and others have gone through the 'partying' stage of their lives and are now settled down with partners, children, their own houses.

Still atleast i've never had std's and liver damage

By the time those people have grandchildren, we will probably overcome our shyness, and start looking for our first ever "girlfriend", who will be 60

 

[bagota50]

I've never understood what partying is about anyway.
I've never liked party's and as far as I can recall back they have bored me.

 

[Justas]

I almost always sit in the corner. But the last party I was in... I don't remember :| Anyway when I'm drunk I can do lots of stuff... In the morning i feel ashamed. After avoiding a lot of stuff nobody invites me anymore to partys or something familier. Now I'm thinking it's better sitting in corner than avoiding.
Argamemnon lets hope it will happen sooner I'm starting to think I won't reach 60 with so much problems in my head.

 

[elliegrindhouse]

'No offence to the OP, but claiming that "shyness is social suicide" is absurd. As if being shy or anxious is something we can control when we want. That's totally BULLSHIT.'

ksorry, SA IS SOCIAL SUICIDE.
how many people with sa with an actual social life do you know?
probably not many, because we're all too god damn afraid to live a life with people.
KTHANKS.

 

[Ashiene]

'No offence to the OP, but claiming that "shyness is social suicide" is absurd. As if being shy or anxious is something we can control when we want. That's totally BULLSHIT.'

ksorry, SA IS SOCIAL SUICIDE.
how many people with sa with an actual social life do you know?
probably not many, because we're all too god damn afraid to live a life with people.
KTHANKS.

I think what Argamemnon meant was the use of the term 'suicide' to describe social anxiety. He stated that 'suicide' was something that we had a choice in, to do it or not to do it, but social anxiety is not something we have chosen for ourselves, it just manifested in us due to a traumatic event or a trigger. Maybe replacing 'suicide' with 'disease' would sound better.

 

[Argamemnon]

ksorry, SA IS SOCIAL SUICIDE.
how many people with sa with an actual social life do you know?
probably not many, because we're all too god damn afraid to live a life with people.

It's NOT suicide because suicide is a decision; anxiety or depression is not. It just happens and for some people there is little to nothing they can do about it.....

 

[Argamemnon]

I think what Argamemnon meant was the use of the term 'suicide' to describe social anxiety. He stated that 'suicide' was something that we had a choice in, to do it or not to do it, but social anxiety is not something we have chosen for ourselves, it just manifested in us due to a traumatic event or a trigger. Maybe replacing 'suicide' with 'disease' would sound better.

Exactly, thanks!

 

[Kinetik]

All my life I've made excuses to dodge every social situation possible. For a long time it messed with my confidence, because I got to thinking "I'm not having any experiences, not making friends, not having adventures/encounters" - but then I remember it's all my own fault, which makes the whole thing worse. Regardless, for years I thought I was heinous or that there was something majorly wrong with me outside of my shyness, but that's not the case. It's all down to this phobia I have. You can't expect the world to knock at your door, you have to go out and make things happen, and that took me a ridiculously long time to realize.

In any case, I've just never had the guts to go out and party, to talk to people, or to meet girls in normal ways (very often it starts out online). I wish that would change, but I'm midway through my twenties now so I don't see it happening anytime soon.