Scared!!Please help!!

[helpplease]

Let me first start by saying I'm new to this forum so please bear with me.

Everyting started when I was about 10 years old, I remember watching a medical story with my mom about breast cancer..well after watching the show I became absolutely convinced that I had breast cancer (it ridiculous seeing as I was only 10 at the time). Well my mother probably thought I was crazy..the more my mom tried to reassure me that there is no way that I could have breast cancer the more convinced I became that I did have it, finally my mom took me to the doctor, she finally convinced me that I do not have cancer.

The second major episode I had was when I went to high school (we live in a small town, most of my friends and I went to kindergarden together and stayed together untill grade 7). Well my parents decided to send me to another high school (instead of our local high school where all my friends were going) so it was an extremely hard transission for me seeing as I didn't know one person on the first day of school, I started to become depressed, I lost alot of weight and cried everyday, I begged my parents everyday and night to rather send me to our local high school. My mom gave me a pill (she told me that it was only vitamins, later I found out that it was pill to calm me down to just make me get through the day without having a breakdown).

Well a few months into high school everything started to look better, untill I stepped on a broken bottle and it cut my foot. All of the sudden I was convinced that I now had HIV..my parents told me that you can not contract the virus by stepping on a broken bottle, once again..not matter what anybody told me I could not get the idea out of my head that I had Hiv, this "thing"took my life over completely to the level that I could not function, the thought got stuck in my head and I COULD NOT GET RID OF IT!!Finally after a few months it seemed that I just woke one morning and I was normal again.

The last and current episode started a few months ago, it started with a dream I had, well in the dream I had once again hiv. Since that one dream everything flared up again, I was exactly back in high school, but this time it was so bad that I actually went to the doctor for a blood test, finally the result came back, it was negative. I just was not able to accept it seeing as I was so sure that I had contracted it somehow, thought like "the doctor is lying to me" "maybe they swithced my results with someone else's" started going through my head, finally my fiance (in his attempt to help me" also went for a blood test (obviously if he had hiv then I would also have it) his was also negative.

As soon as I was finally able to accept the fact that I do not have hiv, the breast cancer thought came back. After I went for an ultra sound (they told me that a mammogram would not be effective because the breast tissue is to dense in young woman) I was able to put thought/fear to bed.

Well this is the newest of my troubles, also the hardest up to now. My dad had two brothers and my mom has one sister and had a brother also, my dad's brother died in a car accident at the age of 21 (my dad's brother was the middle child) my mom's brother also died at the age of 21 (he was also the middle child) both in car accidents. Well I have two brothers and I'm the middle child (I turned 21 two months ago), so now I'v become convinced that I would not live to see 22 seeing as I'm the middle child.

Can anyone please help me??? Is there anyone who has been through something like this???

 

[coyote]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

 

[imaginarygirl]

Let me first start by saying I'm new to this forum so please bear with me.

Everyting started when I was about 10 years old, I remember watching a medical story with my mom about breast cancer..well after watching the show I became absolutely convinced that I had breast cancer (it ridiculous seeing as I was only 10 at the time). Well my mother probably thought I was crazy..the more my mom tried to reassure me that there is no way that I could have breast cancer the more convinced I became that I did have it, finally my mom took me to the doctor, she finally convinced me that I do not have cancer.

The second major episode I had was when I went to high school (we live in a small town, most of my friends and I went to kindergarden together and stayed together untill grade 7). Well my parents decided to send me to another high school (instead of our local high school where all my friends were going) so it was an extremely hard transission for me seeing as I didn't know one person on the first day of school, I started to become depressed, I lost alot of weight and cried everyday, I begged my parents everyday and night to rather send me to our local high school. My mom gave me a pill (she told me that it was only vitamins, later I found out that it was pill to calm me down to just make me get through the day without having a breakdown).

Well a few months into high school everything started to look better, untill I stepped on a broken bottle and it cut my foot. All of the sudden I was convinced that I now had HIV..my parents told me that you can not contract the virus by stepping on a broken bottle, once again..not matter what anybody told me I could not get the idea out of my head that I had Hiv, this "thing"took my life over completely to the level that I could not function, the thought got stuck in my head and I COULD NOT GET RID OF IT!!Finally after a few months it seemed that I just woke one morning and I was normal again.

The last and current episode started a few months ago, it started with a dream I had, well in the dream I had once again hiv. Since that one dream everything flared up again, I was exactly back in high school, but this time it was so bad that I actually went to the doctor for a blood test, finally the result came back, it was negative. I just was not able to accept it seeing as I was so sure that I had contracted it somehow, thought like "the doctor is lying to me" "maybe they swithced my results with someone else's" started going through my head, finally my fiance (in his attempt to help me" also went for a blood test (obviously if he had hiv then I would also have it) his was also negative.

As soon as I was finally able to accept the fact that I do not have hiv, the breast cancer thought came back. After I went for an ultra sound (they told me that a mammogram would not be effective because the breast tissue is to dense in young woman) I was able to put thought/fear to bed.

Well this is the newest of my troubles, also the hardest up to now. My dad had two brothers and my mom has one sister and had a brother also, my dad's brother died in a car accident at the age of 21 (my dad's brother was the middle child) my mom's brother also died at the age of 21 (he was also the middle child) both in car accidents. Well I have two brothers and I'm the middle child (I turned 21 two months ago), so now I'v become convinced that I would not live to see 22 seeing as I'm the middle child.

Can anyone please help me??? Is there anyone who has been through something like this???

I think you need to find either a therapist to talk to or a support group to go to if you you are too afraid to go in person there are online groups/websites you can join and also there are therapist you can talk to online or over the phone so you don't even have to leave your house if it is too much anxiety for you which I understand. I don't mean to sound like I am telling you what to do just trying to help you.

 

[psych]

Yeah, I agree with imaginarygirl.

That sounds like hell, & I hope you can find the help you need.
Definitely run a search on your area & see what kind of resources you can find. If money, or insurance is an issue, you could search for support groups in your area.

Honestly, it sounds like OCD, or obsessive compulsive disorder. It's nothing to be ashamed of & is treatable.
It takes courage to ask for help. Give yourself some credit.

 

[helpplease]

Okay so I've been formally diagnosed with general anxiety with very strong components of OCD.

Also feeling as if everything is getting harder again.

 

[ebot]

This sounds like me back in 2009. I was hospitalized for psychiatric issues unrelated to OCD but convinced myself somehow that I had developed cancer and was going to die. I told the nurse that I had cancer and was sure of it, and she looked at me like I was nuts. I'm not certain whether or not I should have been grateful for the reality check or a bit angry at the harshness of it.

 

[durda_dan]

these kinds of thoughts can be scary. but you also have to force yourself to think rationally about it too. you have a higher chance of falling down the stairs or having a bird crap on you than getting in a major car accident. i'm sorry to hear about your family in the past, however 90% of all car crashes are minor.
take some deep breaths, relax, and just know that in all likelyhood, like with any lottery game. the chances of a middle child in a car accident at age 21 goes down drastically.

im not a mathimatician, but i am an engineer, and the numbers would be something like this, but not exact.
3 children = 33.3 chance
of that 33.3% the age was 21. so the chance(target lifespan is 100 years old) so there is a 1% chance that within 365 days someone would be hit by a car. which has the chances of 77 against 1, so your looking at
0.25641 chance of the first fatality
the second fatality in the same middle child and age would double at an exponent of -2
0.0657460881
and you being the third in the same age group would have a 0.00432254810045296161

putting that in perspective, there is a higher chance of winning a local radio contest for a 2 week cruise and then coming home to your parents buying you a new car.

 

[surewhynot]

I know someone who suffers from Hypochondriasis :$

 

[OCDd]

this sounds very similar to what i use to have my mom had cancer and a brain tumor and i use to get headaches so i was convinced that i had a brain tumor too because it was genetic or something. also i had a cut on my hand it was bleeding and it stopped but when i went to school, it started bleeding again and i thought i had gotten HIV too. fortunately, mine went away on its own. but i developed other issues that i take medicine for and work with a therapist with. your symptoms and case sounds very treatable, don't loose hope. i recommend you tell your parents and even if they reassure you and say oh its just a phase your going though or just don't let it get to you, tell them you want to see a psychologist. don't be embarrassed talking about it with a psychologist, or anyone. their is WAY more people than you think you have these problems. and just remember were all here for you if you just want to talk or are having a bad day just go to the chat room and talk to me or anyone. Good luck buddy!

 

[agoraphobickatie]

i hope you can find at least some comfort that you need from the people here
unfortunately, even knowing that you're "not alone" in your worries and fears, doesn't make it any easier to get through.. it sounds like you do have support from your family/loved ones, however crazy you may think you are. find some sort of therapist or psychiatrist/psychologist who you can talk over these things with, it helps so much to have an outsider to talk to and voice your concerns to, especially when they're a doctor who deals with people like us all the time...
best wishes to you

 

[helpplease]

I just want to thank each and everyone of you for your replies, it helps knowing there is other people out there suffering from the same things and that I'm not totally crazy.

My doctor prescribed Adco-Talomil (20mg). I've been on it for almost 2 months now, it seems to be helping, well atleast I can sometimes recognize the thought as irrational and basically just stupid. The down side is that it also seems to increase my compulsions at an exponential rate ( before using the medication my compulsions was minimal and at a manageable level ).

I'm getting married in just over a month, with all the stress that goes with the planning of the wedding, work stress etc my bad thoughts also seem to be coming back with revenge, is it normal to experience this when your under stress?

At the moment I actually fear going to sleep at night because of the nightmares I've been experiencing the last few weeks (in the past I never really had problems with nightmares) due to my "condition" I always convince myself that the nightmares will come true.

Any further advice will be highly appreciated.