Rage problems anyone?
- Thread starter carecrab
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Mickery
Well-known member
I read once that people sometimes unconsciously neutralize negative aspects of their history as a coping mechanism. I'm reminded of it when someone on the forum says that they prefer to be alone.
Rage problems? - Oh yeah, me too. yikes
Your dad sounds similar to my dad: being absent a lot and kinda violent/physical punishment when home. Was your dad unpredictable too?
My sister and I fought a lot when we were little, there were some fights at school too, but only if the guys picked on us girls, never started any of it. I did make a guy cry, which I'm quite proud of
, he did quite worse things and he always started things etc.
Compared to you, I do see I'm a little angel. hmm..
Yeah, you might wanna go see someone for this... There are books about this too, not sure if you read any?
You might also wanna read the Bullying sub-forum a bit, to see how any of your 'victims' might have felt about this-?? It can be experienced as something very bad and can leave a person scars for life too... Some do manage to overcome it though, some may need counselling etc.
I only blow up emotionally, usually (that's what my mom usually did too), or just leave and maybe drink some cold water to 'calm down'... Eating anything cold might help you 'calm down' too.. (ideally not sweets or soda or sweet juice or alcohol, those can make you unstable/moodswings)
Bullying really is a big problem both for the victim and the attacker.
Being attacked 'out of the blue' or out of proportion (eg total 'destruction' for some minor things one said-??) can shake a person's faith in Universe, that things will be allright etc. We all operate under some assumptions and 'society rules', which make life easier for everyone, and an attack can shake all that.. Like you didn't like it when dad hit you, how do you think the kids you hurt felt??
Some older people may equate 'physical punishment' with 'love' (yikes) and believe 'save the rod, spoil the child', they may think they were 'disciplining' you and 'making you a better person' grr. I hope that parents and other grownups will learn to parent better!!
The stuff with MP3 player is bad too. Electronics have some very toxic parts in them, so destruction is very bad. I hope you at least got it recycled after that?
And what about the gay comments? Didn't you say you were gay in another thread? (Or maybe I mistook you with someone?)
You have to learn what your trigger situations are, and then find ways how to deal with those things more constructively.
Also maybe try to write down what you might think about certain 'trigger words' and try to reframe it: 'even if people say XYZ it doesn't mean it's true' - people used to think Earth was flat!!! CBT might help here, or maybe even EFT and TAT.. Though it's important that you wouldn't misuse 'feeling better' for hurting people...
Maybe you've also been under a lot of stress, then one can 'erupt' for seemingly minor things. So you have to find ways to deal with stress (eg jogging/hiking or creative stuff) and learn better ways of problem-solving and conflict resolution.
You have to learn how to be ASSERTIVE. (I know it's not easy!! That's the 'middle road' between being 'dormat' or 'tank/torpedo/granate' or 'passive aggressive')
So far, your way of dealing with things was 'aggressive/physical' You need to learn to solve things with words, and need to learn to just walk away sometimes too.. usually/often, it's just not worth it.. But don't get avoidant by doing that if you can help it. If you eg walk away/ignore or stop an argument you can maybe talk to the person later on when the rage has subsided and both are calm, and apologize if needed or tell what you didn't like about what they said in private.. And maybe make a plan how to deal with such situations better or avoid such a situation?
There are books and workshops and websites about assertiveness and dealing with criticism (or perceived criticism) too.
Your dad sounds similar to my dad: being absent a lot and kinda violent/physical punishment when home. Was your dad unpredictable too?
My sister and I fought a lot when we were little, there were some fights at school too, but only if the guys picked on us girls, never started any of it. I did make a guy cry, which I'm quite proud of
, he did quite worse things and he always started things etc.Compared to you, I do see I'm a little angel. hmm..
Yeah, you might wanna go see someone for this... There are books about this too, not sure if you read any?
You might also wanna read the Bullying sub-forum a bit, to see how any of your 'victims' might have felt about this-?? It can be experienced as something very bad and can leave a person scars for life too... Some do manage to overcome it though, some may need counselling etc.
I only blow up emotionally, usually (that's what my mom usually did too), or just leave and maybe drink some cold water to 'calm down'... Eating anything cold might help you 'calm down' too.. (ideally not sweets or soda or sweet juice or alcohol, those can make you unstable/moodswings)
Bullying really is a big problem both for the victim and the attacker.
Being attacked 'out of the blue' or out of proportion (eg total 'destruction' for some minor things one said-??) can shake a person's faith in Universe, that things will be allright etc. We all operate under some assumptions and 'society rules', which make life easier for everyone, and an attack can shake all that.. Like you didn't like it when dad hit you, how do you think the kids you hurt felt??
Some older people may equate 'physical punishment' with 'love' (yikes) and believe 'save the rod, spoil the child', they may think they were 'disciplining' you and 'making you a better person' grr. I hope that parents and other grownups will learn to parent better!!
The stuff with MP3 player is bad too. Electronics have some very toxic parts in them, so destruction is very bad. I hope you at least got it recycled after that?
And what about the gay comments? Didn't you say you were gay in another thread? (Or maybe I mistook you with someone?)
You have to learn what your trigger situations are, and then find ways how to deal with those things more constructively.
Also maybe try to write down what you might think about certain 'trigger words' and try to reframe it: 'even if people say XYZ it doesn't mean it's true' - people used to think Earth was flat!!! CBT might help here, or maybe even EFT and TAT.. Though it's important that you wouldn't misuse 'feeling better' for hurting people...
Maybe you've also been under a lot of stress, then one can 'erupt' for seemingly minor things. So you have to find ways to deal with stress (eg jogging/hiking or creative stuff) and learn better ways of problem-solving and conflict resolution.
You have to learn how to be ASSERTIVE. (I know it's not easy!! That's the 'middle road' between being 'dormat' or 'tank/torpedo/granate' or 'passive aggressive')
So far, your way of dealing with things was 'aggressive/physical' You need to learn to solve things with words, and need to learn to just walk away sometimes too.. usually/often, it's just not worth it.. But don't get avoidant by doing that if you can help it. If you eg walk away/ignore or stop an argument you can maybe talk to the person later on when the rage has subsided and both are calm, and apologize if needed or tell what you didn't like about what they said in private.. And maybe make a plan how to deal with such situations better or avoid such a situation?
There are books and workshops and websites about assertiveness and dealing with criticism (or perceived criticism) too.
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Thank you. It really means a lot to me that you're trying to help.
I don't want to be the person i am right now, i really want to 'grow' in a positive sense and become between the 'dormat and bullet'
I don't know about the books though, i'm not illiterate lol but things like counting to ten and theories like that haven't helped much in the past.
Walking away when it gets too much to my head has 'saved' me couple a times, but ofcourse you cant always walk away.
Bout the bulliying forum. yeah i guess i should do that. I've seen that first kid later couple times. was doing good, luckily. But still cant take back those things you know.
I think water could help, but what i should do is improve my .. talking.
And being assertive. I'll seek help. (boy i feel like a maniac having to do that but ok)
And what about the gay comments? Didn't you say you were gay in another thread? (Or maybe I mistook you with someone?)
Yeah bisexual, that's why i took it so personal. If it was my hair or anything wouldnt have cared too much.
Gotta disappoint you with the Mp3 though.. :[
I know i know i know i know i know... it's just that my emotional self really just felt like that. Thank you for caring. :']
But yeah i guess you are right. It's something i can't solve on my own just like that / really hard .
I don't want to be the person i am right now, i really want to 'grow' in a positive sense and become between the 'dormat and bullet'
I don't know about the books though, i'm not illiterate lol but things like counting to ten and theories like that haven't helped much in the past.
Walking away when it gets too much to my head has 'saved' me couple a times, but ofcourse you cant always walk away.
Bout the bulliying forum. yeah i guess i should do that. I've seen that first kid later couple times. was doing good, luckily. But still cant take back those things you know.
I think water could help, but what i should do is improve my .. talking.
And being assertive. I'll seek help. (boy i feel like a maniac having to do that but ok)
And what about the gay comments? Didn't you say you were gay in another thread? (Or maybe I mistook you with someone?)
Yeah bisexual, that's why i took it so personal. If it was my hair or anything wouldnt have cared too much.
Gotta disappoint you with the Mp3 though.. :[
I know i know i know i know i know... it's just that my emotional self really just felt like that. Thank you for caring. :']
But yeah i guess you are right. It's something i can't solve on my own just like that / really hard .
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B
Beatrice
Guest
dyingtolive
Well-known member
i hated my dad for what his rage did to me.
the past year though ive had a lot of anger, hate, blame. rage. and justification that is right for me to be angry.
the past year though ive had a lot of anger, hate, blame. rage. and justification that is right for me to be angry.
A few years back I let a monkey with rage free from a testing facility. Cue apocalypse.
Sorry, I couldn't resist. I'm generally a happy go lucky guy, when something makes me sad i just get depressed and unmotivated, but when i fail at something socially, for example going into a shop I'm meant to and backing out, I get really angry at myself, I'f got a broken chest of drawers which i kicked to pieces when i was angry once. But when it comes to other people, i can be quite snappy, but I just try to stop talking, one word answers and such. That way i wont say anything i might regret.
And I've had thoughts of hurting people before, but I calm down and realise it's a bad idea. Well, apart from one person, but i wont go into that
Sorry, I couldn't resist. I'm generally a happy go lucky guy, when something makes me sad i just get depressed and unmotivated, but when i fail at something socially, for example going into a shop I'm meant to and backing out, I get really angry at myself, I'f got a broken chest of drawers which i kicked to pieces when i was angry once. But when it comes to other people, i can be quite snappy, but I just try to stop talking, one word answers and such. That way i wont say anything i might regret.
And I've had thoughts of hurting people before, but I calm down and realise it's a bad idea. Well, apart from one person, but i wont go into that
