Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

BlueDays

BlueDays

1
Despairing....

How the hell are you supposed to encourage someone to stay alive, when you are having to suppress your own desire to leave this world. :kickingmyself:

You feel like a fake version of yourself.
 
vj288

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
BlueDays said:
Despairing....

How the hell are you supposed to encourage someone to stay alive, when you are having to suppress your own desire to leave this world. :kickingmyself:

You feel like a fake version of yourself.
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I know what you mean, but I also think someone who understands how someone feels through experience could also be in a better position to give words of encouragement.

For me, I know there are the things that people are "supposed" to say, like "everything is going to be ok" and "these feelings will pass", "life is full of opportunities," blah blah blah. I could throw those words at people (or at myself) but I would feel fake.

Then there are the things I really feel. I don't know if everything is going to be alright, and I don't often feel optimistic that they will be. I feel like if enough wrong turns happen, ending things would turn into the best solution again. Those feelings will probably never go away. I could try my whole life and never sit at the end of it and be happy with how it turned out.

A lot of the times, I keep going not because everything is great, but because I don't have a particularly good reason to die. Reasons not to live? Sure, they enter my mind regularly. I just mean, I don't know how this whole life thing is supposed to work, but I have no idea what comes after it. I I should try to do something meaningful with the life bit in case it does effect the after life bit at all. And if it doesn't? Well, I guess none of this mattered anyway, no harm done really.

That's how I would do it. It's not super uplifting or positive, but it's honest. And it probably is what gets me through those hard days.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
theslowesthand said:
I don't know. Can't remember the last time i installed an OS. Many years ago, if ever, so i can't recall what the install process was. I think i've updated an OS (eg from Win98SE to WinXP, probably with the help of a real computer geek), but aside from that, i've never believed in reinstalling OS's; there's sth about it that i don't like; perhaps as you then have to reinstall all your programs & settings (i have hundreds); just seems like a hell of a lot of work (to get all your stuff back the way it was more-or-less), when the reinstall might have negligible benefits (like i preferred win98se over winxp, & preferred winxp over win7).
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So, yer like me when it comes to programs on the laptop? Having lots. :bigsmile: Yeah, the reinstalling programs is the only downside to reinstalling an operating system. That's why, if I don't have the original installation disc, I backup any installation files for any programs I use a lot onto a disc, myself.

theslowesthand said:
That's a good idea!. Just use an old pc with an older OS, rather than try to use a virtual machine or OS emulator, which would slow-down the pc heaps. Makes me think of doing that with my old scanner, which works fine, but only on win98se OS.
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I didn't consider the virtual machine option, but look into it and thought: :eek: F*ck that! :giggle:
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
BlueDays said:
Despairing....

How the hell are you supposed to encourage someone to stay alive, when you are having to suppress your own desire to leave this world. :kickingmyself:

You feel like a fake version of yourself.
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I know that feeling. :sad: The only thing worse than that is being forced to stay with someone, otherwise they might take their own life. :crying:
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
Graeme1988 said:
I know that feeling. :sad: The only thing worse than that is being forced to stay with someone, otherwise they might take their own life. :crying:
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Are you sure she's not bluffing, or exaggerating?. Sometimes i feel suicidal when i receive shock news like when i was threatened with eviction from my home. That's due to believing that i couldn't cope with life if the aforementioned shock/change happened. I did attempt suicide, but i wasn't a 100% committed attempt i don't think. But before then, when i was told that things need to change or might change, i threatened them with suicide, as a way of getting them to back down.
 
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theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
MANY things f*ck up my mood. It's really tiring & a daily battle to deal with my moods. They're a PAIN IN THE A$S!!! :kickingmyself: :eek:h: ::(:
 
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Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
theslowesthand said:
Are you sure she's not bluffing, or exaggerating?. Sometimes i feel suicidal when i receive shock news like when i was threatened with eviction from my home. That's due to believing that i couldn't cope with life if the aforementioned shock/change happened. I did attempt suicide, but i wasn't a 100% committed attempt i don't think. But before then, when i was told that things need to change or might change, i threatened them with suicide, as a way of getting them to back down.
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If she is, then she's either got Munchausen syndrome by proxy, or she gan all out for a f*ckin' Academy Awards. Cuz she gave quite the performance a few days ago when I merely asked if she'd be awrite with me going to stay at my oldest sister's for a while. Just to get a change of scene, be somewhere else other than stuck inside my bedroom.

Contrast that with me saying I feel like killing myself out of the sheer frustration at being unable to make my older sister see that flying into a rage isn't how you resolve an argument as an adult. Wouldn't you feel the same way, if you lived with a family that behaved like that most of the time?

And, apparently my mother's been living in alternate reality where everything's been grand for the past 6 months. :no:

Sorry... Didnae mean to rant there.
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
Graeme1988 said:
Contrast that with me saying I feel like killing myself out of the sheer frustration at being unable to make my older sister see that flying into a rage isn't how you resolve an argument as an adult
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If you say that you feel like killing yourself, due to exasperation/etc, but wouldn't act on it, then i think it's quite likely your mother could/does do the same, feeling depressed/suicidal about the prospect of living without you (or alone), and saying she'd off herself, but actually wouldn't act on it, as it's just how she's feeling in the present moment whenever you talk of living abroad for a while or longer??? :question:

Ps: I think she does feel very strongly about you moving away, but could she be exaggerating it in the "acts" she puts on, so as to try to get her own way???
 
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theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
I wonder why sometimes when i refresh the main page, it reloads everything, and other times it just updates the item/s that have changed? :question:
 
H

Hot_Tamale

Well-known member
I don't normally wake up in the morning feeling angry but today was the exception...all because of a dream. I won't get into the events that led up to it but I'm in the living room to my house - there are only 3 walls with the opening facing my neighbors home. I'm standing next to a small shelf with 2-3 rows of chili/soup cups I use at work everyday and my neighbor (whom I've never seen before) comes over unannounced. He comes and takes the chili cups away from me, I say something about it in protest, so he leaves me about 1/4 of the rest of the cups before he leaves. I distinctly remember yelling at him as he goes back into his own home "You know they aren't that expensive" implying he can just go buy his own cups. I see him laugh as he enters his own home again and I stare at the cups I have left and I remember thinking how I can rearrange them to fool my parents into thinking none were stolen.

It's bad enough feeling like a pushover in real life...I need to learn to lucid dream so I can practice navigating terrifying social situations.
 
FountainandFairfax

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
Damn, Kevin Smith had a massive heart attack last night. He's okay, convalescing nicely and posting funny videos about it already, but I could not have handled another hero dying right now.
 
PugofCrydee

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
*looks in this thread*...


*Tumbleweeds...crickets.. wind blowing...

Dust's away spiderwebs..*


'ehem!...'

s'all I got.
 
FountainandFairfax

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
I've wanted to do this for a couple years now, but I kept missing March 6th, The Day Of The Dude... the only day I would become ordained.

Ordination_Anon.jpg


The Fountain abides.
 
S

Sarah_M

1
FountainandFairfax said:
I've wanted to do this for a couple years now, but I kept missing March 6th, The Day Of The Dude... the only day I would become ordained.

Ordination_Anon.jpg


The Fountain abides.
Click to expand...

Yesssss! I love this movie! I have a shirt with El Duderino on it drinking milk from a carton in a robe with sunglasses on - only one random stoner guy knew what it was lol.
 
grapevine

grapevine

Well-known member
well my mum gave away my favourite french tote bag to her friendship church group. I give her clothes I get from work and the ones she doesn't want she passes them to these people there. And they are very grateful.
I dont know why, but she took my bag though and it really sux as it was my favourite. And now the process of trying to get it back is annoying. This 'bin' lady - who is a hoarder and her husband collects cans out bins for recycling I think ( I go by what mum tells me), shes a very poor lady that dresses like a homeless person.
She said to my mum that shed meet us in the shopping car park at 4 and so we waited and waited. She walks everywhere so we were like looking around for her. She never turned up.
I just want my bag back lol. I got it when I went on a trip and its memories with it. I just hope she hasnt used it to put rubbish in or something. I dont get how you can be an older person and be so irresponsible and say youll be there a certain time and not show up.
And Ive been mad with mum as she didnt even question taking my bag. Anyways.
 
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