Thanks for the very helpful advice. I don't want to seem dismissive by not addressing all that you've thoughtfully posted because I do appreciate it. I agree with it all and have heard it a lot from therapists and read it in self help books. Do you think the exact way affirmations are phrased is important or as long as they're in the present tense and address what is causing the anxiety they will work?
Well, since it is crucial for you to live in the present moment (face it, whatever happened in the past cannot be changed, much less if you are bitter about it, and the future is made of many nows), whatever affirmations you make should be in the present tense. For instance, let's say you're overweight, and want to shed those extra pounds:
1) "I'm fat and I might as well give in to that fact, and just stuff my face and accept it";
2) "I'm overweight, but I can visualize a new, different me that's healthy and has shed these extra pounds. It can't be that hard, all I have to do is be more active and eat less (and healthier). I acknowledge that I deserve to be happy and that no one can get me out of this mess but myself, and I owe this to all the dreams I want to see come true, and will [insert activities, mindsets, positive affirmations here] and always begin with the goal in mind, no matter what it takes".
The same method applies to other things. Let's say you're looking for work. The only way to get a job is to apply and go to interviews, right? Let's say you're terrified of job interviews, whether because your hands get clammy and sweaty, your face goes red easily, you mumble your words, etc. Still, one step is always better than no step at all. For starters, focus not on getting the job per se, but simply on the fact that you're actually going to these interviews, and use that as an opportunity to get more experience in the art of being interviewed. The more you expose yourself to these "dangers" the mind tries to alert you to, the more a newly found sense of pride will throw fear out of its mental throne. The more experience you get from interviews, the better you'll get, and the more likely it is for you to practice, practice, practice, and also be able to get better jobs through all the confidence you've gained. In the words of Robert Frost, "the best way out is always through".
This can be applied to most things. You can take a dozen pills a day, you can talk to a thousand people about your problems, but until you get your butt out of your chair and go out into the world, it'll just keep feeling like the world is heavier and heavier upon your shoulders, just waiting to eat you alive.
In a nutshell: exposure (plenty of it), assessing your values, establishing goals (smaller ones at first, don't take huge leaps at once or it can easily get overwhelming enough to discourage you), making peace with all of your ghosts and demons, accepting that, as a human being, you are imperfect, and therefore accept the mistakes that you make (having a bad first interview, etc), focusing on the positives ("I actually went to the interview and made it out alive, I can't believe it!" [pride] vs "what a mess, I couldn't get anything right!" [discouragement, destroying your own self-esteem/acceptance]), and making each day slightly better than the last.
Think about it, you have one life. In the grand scheme of things, there are so many people in this world doing so many different things that you're just a speck in the midst of it all, and you're the one who's making your own life worse by giving in to the constant babbling of the mind. The moment you realize all those fears and anxieties have no logical reason to be ("what if I ace that interview?" vs "what if I make a fool of myself?"), everything starts falling into place, not because the world has given you a break, but because you have realized your potential and how much - like everyone else - you deserve all the things that you desire.
