After reading a thousand posts on this forum, I gathered (and optimized) all the reported reasons for not asking someone out even if we really like her/him, but it's not clear which reasons are more common, and that's important for understanding the problem too, hence this poll. Please mark the most suitable option.
Poll: Why don't you ask him/her out?
- Thread starter sphynx
- Start date
Just in case, here is some additional explanations about each option in the poll:
1. I'm afraid of an immediate rejection (or that he/she will play with my feelings, not saying yes or no) and/or what comes after such rejection (awkwardness, public humiliation, taunting, harassment lawsuit, not seeing her/him anymore, lower self-esteem, feeling bad, etc.). If I knew for certain he/she would say yes, I'd go for it.
2. Initial rejection aside, even if she/he says yes it may not work out (I'll blow it somehow, I don't feel worthy of her/him, he/she will be disappointed with me or I'll be disappointed with him/her), and she/he will just reject me later (or perhaps I'll reject her/him). In short, even if I knew she/he would say yes, I still wouldn't go for it.
3. I'm afraid to approach her/him regardless of what her/his reaction will be, no matter how much I want to (not sure why). I don't know whether knowing her/his answer would help me or not.
4. All this love stuff isn't worth the effort (makes me feel uncomfortable, or weak, or ridiculous, or perverted, or scared, or I'm tired of it, etc.). I don't want things to change. I don't care what her/his answer will be.
5. None of the above. This may include some cultural or religious taboos, like the common preconception that girls "are not supposed" to take the lead, to show initiative, which is unfortunately still common.
1. I'm afraid of an immediate rejection (or that he/she will play with my feelings, not saying yes or no) and/or what comes after such rejection (awkwardness, public humiliation, taunting, harassment lawsuit, not seeing her/him anymore, lower self-esteem, feeling bad, etc.). If I knew for certain he/she would say yes, I'd go for it.
2. Initial rejection aside, even if she/he says yes it may not work out (I'll blow it somehow, I don't feel worthy of her/him, he/she will be disappointed with me or I'll be disappointed with him/her), and she/he will just reject me later (or perhaps I'll reject her/him). In short, even if I knew she/he would say yes, I still wouldn't go for it.
3. I'm afraid to approach her/him regardless of what her/his reaction will be, no matter how much I want to (not sure why). I don't know whether knowing her/his answer would help me or not.
4. All this love stuff isn't worth the effort (makes me feel uncomfortable, or weak, or ridiculous, or perverted, or scared, or I'm tired of it, etc.). I don't want things to change. I don't care what her/his answer will be.
5. None of the above. This may include some cultural or religious taboos, like the common preconception that girls "are not supposed" to take the lead, to show initiative, which is unfortunately still common.
Argentum
Well-known member
Just afraid of relationships. I hear enough disrespectful talk to be afraid that they're going to resent being with someone as plain as me but do it for the sex, or other things.
I do like someone I feel comfortable saying isn't that kind of person, but we're both scared in general. His last girlfriend, long-distance, faked her suicide so he's not exactly in a rush to take chances himself.
So, I guess we're two people who know how disgustingly messed up human beings can be.
I do like someone I feel comfortable saying isn't that kind of person, but we're both scared in general. His last girlfriend, long-distance, faked her suicide so he's not exactly in a rush to take chances himself.
So, I guess we're two people who know how disgustingly messed up human beings can be.
Metal_isthe_Answer
Well-known member
I guess the first one was the best choice, but, the last person I was interested in was 10 years younger than me, so that was a big part of the reason.
Richey
Well-known member
In my experiences, a common trend is that there is usually another guy in the picture who is better than me in terms of traits.
For instance, recently.
There is a girl i get on with, she asked me out, we had a great time. This other guy at work however flirts with her, gets on even better, jokes around more, is more confident, she finds him more attractive All of this occurs right before my eyes...it is emotional torture...
^ this scenario seems very common in modern culture...
This has been a constant problem for me all of my life..
I need to get some luck for once.
So its nit that im afraid to talk or ask out, it is that someone else is always getting in the way...and it is horrible because it just seems so common..
For instance, recently.
There is a girl i get on with, she asked me out, we had a great time. This other guy at work however flirts with her, gets on even better, jokes around more, is more confident, she finds him more attractive All of this occurs right before my eyes...it is emotional torture...
^ this scenario seems very common in modern culture...
This has been a constant problem for me all of my life..
I need to get some luck for once.
So its nit that im afraid to talk or ask out, it is that someone else is always getting in the way...and it is horrible because it just seems so common..
Last edited:
> So its not that I'm afraid to talk or ask out, it is that someone else is always
> getting in the way...
Yes, that must be unpleasant.
That being said, it sounds like she chose you, so maybe there is a reason for optimism here.
In any case, that's more than many people here can hope for.
> getting in the way...
Yes, that must be unpleasant.
That being said, it sounds like she chose you, so maybe there is a reason for optimism here.
In any case, that's more than many people here can hope for.
WeirdyMcGee
Well-known member
Would end badly is what I chose.
worrywort
Well-known member
Option 2 for me. I usually feel certain that it won't work out, due to the fact that I don't really want what most people want. For most people I think the relationship IS the dream. It's what they want more than anything else in the world. They want the dates and the cuddles and the eating out at restaurants and the weekend trips abroad and the moving in together and then marriage and kids and family xmas's etc. Whereas for me I don't really want any of that, I already have a dream. I'm already fully committed to my art. I'd just like to find someone else who's equally committed to their own art to come alongside so we can lean on each other a little during the quiet hours.
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
I'm simply not good enough for anybody.
People can do much better - and deserve much better than me.
People can do much better - and deserve much better than me.
Suppose that a girl who knows you well enough tells you otherwise, and says she wants to go out with you. Would you tell her that she's mistaken and reject her?
I used to think so too until one day I met a girl who thought differently. She said she didn't mind that I'm obese, jobless, live with my parents, and so on. In fact, she said she's into fat guys - she even likes to watch sumo wrestlers because of that. And she is beautiful herself, a model actually. Go figure. Though we split up after 6 months, that helped me realize that you never really know what chance you have. Hope you will discover that too one day as I did.
dannyboy65
Well-known member
The girl I like never had a boyfriend, she is very shy and quiet. Like me she also has autism and is going to college. I want to ask her out but reason one: I don't know how too. Second reason: I don't want to scare her away, and third reason: I don't know if I'm a good person for her.
shrinkingviolet
Member
I think it boils down to low self-esteem. If you think the other person is better than you and you have nothing to offer, how can you be anything other than anxious?
.
.
Metal_isthe_Answer
Well-known member
I'm sure that's not true, but I understand what you mean, that's how I think of myself after all
Why not?
1. The fat on my body since I was younger. Is one reason. I feel so bad.
A. Then I look back and realize how easier life was. Everybody was beautiful.
2. Competition.
A. Again thinking about back then it was easier and even now.
3. No place to make with the sweet sweet loving. A problem many people have.
4. I lost her contact and realized that we could have something.
5. Do not like facebook/myspace
6. In terms of the continuing adult world ( past age of consent ). No money, no place to go. It is hard to find that girl that I want to do things with and not have money. Money is needed to go places and do things for people.
7. My health. I might get an scar and be afraid to talk.
8. My career goals. Meaning would I sacrifice my dreams for women or one woman?
9. I am obsessed with my work life. Meaning I can talk and have fun but it is kind of woman I am looking for. Up till a certain point I am looking for something in specific. My work life takes me over and all I can think about is my work life.
10. Memories tied to people I felt love for. Basically not being over that.
11. Finally realizing that women are not really worth it. Save my money invest in my health and home life and some things stay healthy, and import that fresh new model of the assembly line. that will become your wife one day. As time goes by you become more and more powerful in all kinds of way; while they lose their ability. Think about the garden. Your like the earth full and plentiful with fertile soil but they are the fruits off the trees that will bred your seed. Every year billions of them grow, flower, become fruit, and wither away without reaching the soil. Women are like the fruits of others peoples conquest. They are the mother tree that is always giving and we are the earth that supports the tree. One man can populate the entire planet if he was the great earth.
Like Jhonny Apple Seed; women are the seeds that grows into the trees that mother us and we are the ever lasting earth. When a woman stands beside a man it makes him and her ( but mostly him ) look more and more beautiful. Just like a tree in the earth.
So think of things that way. Their are billions of fruit out their. Some sour on unripen. Some just right and dripping with sugar. Others who will over-ripe and never ever be plucked or picked by any man ever.
Note the Non-heterosexuals. They fool us. These women the self-proclaimed lesbians mixes in with the neo-feminists. Basically ****-blocking the world as we know it for reasons due to sheer stupidity. Then their are men just like you; some harder then others some who work the land then others and some who are soft as dung-poo. That is the competition of this planet
Chances are 90% of the women out their who are fatherless mothers are making it with this one guy who dresses nice, sounds nice, and looks a certain way. 90% of women are being swept away by some loser out their by whichever means. 90% are giving birth to future military and men who will give birth to more kids without cause at all.
Why can't you be that one guy who actual stays with her and devotes to her and commits to everything.
note the non-heterosexuals.****-blocking ever opportunity we have. They bunk with them in college dorms. They are not the enemy but they make some men unable to approach them. They are the ideal men. Polite, soft spoken, and "safe" to be around. Note the energy of support they have. From who their parents are brimming with energy.
This energy is called sacrifice.
Sacrifice placed in the wrong hands of the false prophets. False prophets who ****-block the softest of men, or the weakest of men who barely have any milk nore tree to draw from. Stupid men like me and you alike who have been fooled by the world and are distracted by knowledge.
Brothers...I have climbed the mountain and felt the fire on the brain. The fire of forever energy and something that is stronger then coffee. Like the book "1984" I have known the purest and finest if not re-finest of joy.
Note do not become an enemy of the non-heterosexuals. Learn from them; but do not become them. Laugh with them and soon they will learn to love you. Note do not become and legion of the neo-womanists. Understand them love them; cry with them but realize their true intentions. They are not on mans side. But love them the same.
Then their is the man who has been pushed out the gene pool for life. We are all men and they are missing in the equation of life as well because we forget that they have a right to reproduce. Note. Do not be fooled by the false image of the media but embrace all men. All men from all corners of the earth. All men are equals in the world of heterosexuality. All men can be turned from non-heterosexual activities. All men are equals. All men are love.
Note the religion. They suffer for their religious practice. They are the ideal for all men. While of the beliefs they do not carry Christ; not even as a prophet. They even give that up as well. They suffer because these men have removed everything that un-equip them of not being men. They shave their heads as with our extra skin being removed from birth. They sacrifice the plentiful things we call fun in the name of reproduction.
Between the religion and the uninvited man they are one in the same of identity. One working for each other accomplish each other goals as men. A relationship of nature itself.
We are men and we tilt the land that the fruit we pick may grow our new mothers and bear our name. Ma
Then again you might fall in love and end up with an other. The woman who calls themselves men. But many people fall in love. Love is good and great with the opposite.
Note the fool. The fool hates when you think. The fool wants attention. The fool is an type of work. If the fool is filled with non-fools they will be eliminated. Note the educated. The educated are un-educated in people. They are so educated they will listen to the fool. Sometimes people play the fool just to educate people. The fool is loved by many. Note the warhawk. They are beyond stupid. They follow laws. They follow laws but they have the power the break laws. So laws are meaningless to them. The warhawk is the nations best. The educated is the nations brightest but the fool is loved by both of them. All the world need is love. Love will win no matter what. However they have their beliefs. One is not to follow fools and two is to become as educated as possible.
Be the better human and love all. All that matter is love. Love is above all. Do not be fooled but let go. Do not spend too much time reading or else you will miss life. Do not be the best or else you will have to be the best for the rest of your life. Be you. You are better then anybody else. You are the world. The world wants you to advance yourself and max out your weakness and turn them into strengths. Go beyond all.
Like the earth we might look great and take fruit that looks great but we are fooling each other. We play the parts of the great never ending world. Their is plenty of fruit to go around. Do not be fooled. It will come agan and again. It is waiting for you to advance yourself. Prepare yourself. More importantly prepare for happiness and beyond that is peace.
While a man is love a women are the heart of men. Men wage wars. trickery, and even lead the world to stupidity just to have more love. What is the heart? One big muscle that loves you so much it keeps working beneath you, above you, from the very beginning from our conceive. We love the heart. The heart turns the doors of our want. The heart leads us to a place where the mind is unable to reach. What the heart wants the heart will have. Is it not a shame to have a heart that is not beating like crazy. Everytime and everyday. Is it not a shame to feel excited about the littlest of interactions. Man is like the earth. The man stands still until the earth battles itself. Man fights man for no reason at all. But it is the love that resides in man to fight for the heart.
When the fruit fall does it not make an dent in the earth? coursing it's life into the earth? Become it's new heart among many or only one?
That the heavens cry for the earth. They are out ancestors? They love us for whatever our heart is. They support us. They are the water of the soil. They are the backbone of support. They shine their light and allow the little ones to grow from our flowering hearts and love
Love can also mean letting go. Their is much fruit to go around. Wild fruit. in-organic fruit. Even fruit made from an. For you are man. Your are the earth. You are my brothers and while we might shake against each other. Their is one thing in common. As time goes by will be what we have always been. Soil that is enriched and some not so enriched. Some with the taste of our forefathers and some that have not tasted our forefathers.
Their is fruit all around; and many fruit their is.
12. There is more I can say but I will leave it at that.
1. The fat on my body since I was younger. Is one reason. I feel so bad.
A. Then I look back and realize how easier life was. Everybody was beautiful.
2. Competition.
A. Again thinking about back then it was easier and even now.
3. No place to make with the sweet sweet loving. A problem many people have.
4. I lost her contact and realized that we could have something.
5. Do not like facebook/myspace
6. In terms of the continuing adult world ( past age of consent ). No money, no place to go. It is hard to find that girl that I want to do things with and not have money. Money is needed to go places and do things for people.
7. My health. I might get an scar and be afraid to talk.
8. My career goals. Meaning would I sacrifice my dreams for women or one woman?
9. I am obsessed with my work life. Meaning I can talk and have fun but it is kind of woman I am looking for. Up till a certain point I am looking for something in specific. My work life takes me over and all I can think about is my work life.
10. Memories tied to people I felt love for. Basically not being over that.
11. Finally realizing that women are not really worth it. Save my money invest in my health and home life and some things stay healthy, and import that fresh new model of the assembly line. that will become your wife one day. As time goes by you become more and more powerful in all kinds of way; while they lose their ability. Think about the garden. Your like the earth full and plentiful with fertile soil but they are the fruits off the trees that will bred your seed. Every year billions of them grow, flower, become fruit, and wither away without reaching the soil. Women are like the fruits of others peoples conquest. They are the mother tree that is always giving and we are the earth that supports the tree. One man can populate the entire planet if he was the great earth.
Like Jhonny Apple Seed; women are the seeds that grows into the trees that mother us and we are the ever lasting earth. When a woman stands beside a man it makes him and her ( but mostly him ) look more and more beautiful. Just like a tree in the earth.
So think of things that way. Their are billions of fruit out their. Some sour on unripen. Some just right and dripping with sugar. Others who will over-ripe and never ever be plucked or picked by any man ever.
Note the Non-heterosexuals. They fool us. These women the self-proclaimed lesbians mixes in with the neo-feminists. Basically ****-blocking the world as we know it for reasons due to sheer stupidity. Then their are men just like you; some harder then others some who work the land then others and some who are soft as dung-poo. That is the competition of this planet
Chances are 90% of the women out their who are fatherless mothers are making it with this one guy who dresses nice, sounds nice, and looks a certain way. 90% of women are being swept away by some loser out their by whichever means. 90% are giving birth to future military and men who will give birth to more kids without cause at all.
Why can't you be that one guy who actual stays with her and devotes to her and commits to everything.
note the non-heterosexuals.****-blocking ever opportunity we have. They bunk with them in college dorms. They are not the enemy but they make some men unable to approach them. They are the ideal men. Polite, soft spoken, and "safe" to be around. Note the energy of support they have. From who their parents are brimming with energy.
This energy is called sacrifice.
Sacrifice placed in the wrong hands of the false prophets. False prophets who ****-block the softest of men, or the weakest of men who barely have any milk nore tree to draw from. Stupid men like me and you alike who have been fooled by the world and are distracted by knowledge.
Brothers...I have climbed the mountain and felt the fire on the brain. The fire of forever energy and something that is stronger then coffee. Like the book "1984" I have known the purest and finest if not re-finest of joy.
Note do not become an enemy of the non-heterosexuals. Learn from them; but do not become them. Laugh with them and soon they will learn to love you. Note do not become and legion of the neo-womanists. Understand them love them; cry with them but realize their true intentions. They are not on mans side. But love them the same.
Then their is the man who has been pushed out the gene pool for life. We are all men and they are missing in the equation of life as well because we forget that they have a right to reproduce. Note. Do not be fooled by the false image of the media but embrace all men. All men from all corners of the earth. All men are equals in the world of heterosexuality. All men can be turned from non-heterosexual activities. All men are equals. All men are love.
Note the religion. They suffer for their religious practice. They are the ideal for all men. While of the beliefs they do not carry Christ; not even as a prophet. They even give that up as well. They suffer because these men have removed everything that un-equip them of not being men. They shave their heads as with our extra skin being removed from birth. They sacrifice the plentiful things we call fun in the name of reproduction.
Between the religion and the uninvited man they are one in the same of identity. One working for each other accomplish each other goals as men. A relationship of nature itself.
We are men and we tilt the land that the fruit we pick may grow our new mothers and bear our name. Ma
Then again you might fall in love and end up with an other. The woman who calls themselves men. But many people fall in love. Love is good and great with the opposite.
Note the fool. The fool hates when you think. The fool wants attention. The fool is an type of work. If the fool is filled with non-fools they will be eliminated. Note the educated. The educated are un-educated in people. They are so educated they will listen to the fool. Sometimes people play the fool just to educate people. The fool is loved by many. Note the warhawk. They are beyond stupid. They follow laws. They follow laws but they have the power the break laws. So laws are meaningless to them. The warhawk is the nations best. The educated is the nations brightest but the fool is loved by both of them. All the world need is love. Love will win no matter what. However they have their beliefs. One is not to follow fools and two is to become as educated as possible.
Be the better human and love all. All that matter is love. Love is above all. Do not be fooled but let go. Do not spend too much time reading or else you will miss life. Do not be the best or else you will have to be the best for the rest of your life. Be you. You are better then anybody else. You are the world. The world wants you to advance yourself and max out your weakness and turn them into strengths. Go beyond all.
Like the earth we might look great and take fruit that looks great but we are fooling each other. We play the parts of the great never ending world. Their is plenty of fruit to go around. Do not be fooled. It will come agan and again. It is waiting for you to advance yourself. Prepare yourself. More importantly prepare for happiness and beyond that is peace.
While a man is love a women are the heart of men. Men wage wars. trickery, and even lead the world to stupidity just to have more love. What is the heart? One big muscle that loves you so much it keeps working beneath you, above you, from the very beginning from our conceive. We love the heart. The heart turns the doors of our want. The heart leads us to a place where the mind is unable to reach. What the heart wants the heart will have. Is it not a shame to have a heart that is not beating like crazy. Everytime and everyday. Is it not a shame to feel excited about the littlest of interactions. Man is like the earth. The man stands still until the earth battles itself. Man fights man for no reason at all. But it is the love that resides in man to fight for the heart.
When the fruit fall does it not make an dent in the earth? coursing it's life into the earth? Become it's new heart among many or only one?
That the heavens cry for the earth. They are out ancestors? They love us for whatever our heart is. They support us. They are the water of the soil. They are the backbone of support. They shine their light and allow the little ones to grow from our flowering hearts and love
Love can also mean letting go. Their is much fruit to go around. Wild fruit. in-organic fruit. Even fruit made from an. For you are man. Your are the earth. You are my brothers and while we might shake against each other. Their is one thing in common. As time goes by will be what we have always been. Soil that is enriched and some not so enriched. Some with the taste of our forefathers and some that have not tasted our forefathers.
Their is fruit all around; and many fruit their is.
12. There is more I can say but I will leave it at that.