Overprotective parents

[Srijita52]

First of all I want to say that my parents have been very nice and supportive to me. I'm very close to them but they've ALWAYS been so overprotective and I think it somewhat contributed to my SA. I randomly came across a forum today, I read that some parents actually prefer this type of parenting and think its good for their kids. I see many parents here, so I just want to ask do you think its helpful for your children? Also do you prefer to be overprotective?

 

[MikeyC]

My parents were never overprotective to the point of smothering, but they did shelter me, particularly my mum. She still does, to a point, trying to relive the days when I was 10 years old.

There's no real right or wrong way to raise children, as long as it's not destructive. Parents are humans, too - they have flaws that they'll inadvertently pass on to their children.

 

[Kiwong]

My parents were great to me, but they didn't prepare me for that horror-filled world known as the teen age. How could they?

 

[sai]

when i wzz 8 i had Brucellosis, (also called Bang's disease, Crimean fever, Gibraltar fever, Malta fever, Maltese fever, Mediterranean fever, rock fever, or undulant fever)and i need to stayed at hosptal for nearly about 55days and from that day mi dad never let me out(no films,no friends,no cricket) with out his permition.... now i m 19... now he suddenly says "y dont u go out and hav fun with ur friends" or "y dont u act normal" lik my friends kids.... i really hav no answer for these questions... but i know 1 thing that i wont HATE him...!!

 

[KiaKaha]

I dont know about overprotective, but I think they over sheltered me a little. They still do sometimes and even though Its loving and kind, it annoys me a little because I am an adult and I want to struggle and do things for myself, I dont want to get bailed out all the time. I lost my watch a couple weeks back and lo behold, my father goes out and buys me a new one... not that I am ungrateful, I just think strength comes from people who are forced to do things for themselves.

Dont get me wrong, I still like them and care about them.. and they did the best job they knew how...but I didnt learn how to be around people, or how to stand up for myself, or how the world really works...or how to feel OK about who I am. I had to find out all that by myself, and I am still clueless. I will learn from my parents if I ever have a child... but I guess no one ever gets the parenting thing right anyway

 

[Agent_Violet]

i was raised by overprotective parents. my mother's biggest fear was having me run off and get pregnant and not graduate high school. It got to the point where I was terrified of other people and their "motives" based on what her and my stepfather were teaching me.

I try to protect my son when he needs it. But i try to let him experience things for himself. He's going to get hurt, he's going to mess up...but he has to experience those things so he can learn and grow.

One thing I absolutely cannot stand is helicopter parents. They drive me insane.

 

[Arthur_Dent]

I have overprotective parents and besides that I unfortunately grew somewhat isolated form other kids, so both things made me miss lots of opportunities to learn to socialize. As a 23 year old man, I'm learning to no longer stop doing things just because my paren'ts won't like me to do them.

I'm don't know anything about raising children, but IMO you must let them take reasonable risks and let them live their lives, but of course watching out for them.

 

[vj288]

The ideal I believe would be somewhere comfortably in between being too protect and allowing too much independence. From a parents point of view though, it's probably easier to see the disadvantages of independence than advantages. "He might join a gang, do drugs, have unprotected sex, drop out of school, ect ect."

I'm not a parent, but my guess would be the more protective they can be the more at ease it puts them. If you never let them cross the street you never have to worry about them getting hit by a car crossing it. For parents not doing things can be as hard as doing things.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

My parents weren't overprotective or sheltering-- they may have wanted to be, but neither were around to do anything about it.

I'm paranoid about everything, so I'm afraid I would unintentionally be very sheltering if I were to have a child.
But it's important for them to make their own decisions and mistakes... that's the best way to learn, isn't it?

 

[Emma03]

My parents were divorced and my mom was very overprotective. She made it seem like the world was a scary and awful place (and I guess it is), and wouldn't let me do what seemed like pretty benign things, which limited my social interactions and ability to deal with people. I understand her intentions were good, but it did not help me in the long run.

 

[findnemo10]

My parents were/are overprotective. I'm sure that contributed a lot to my shyness and anxiety.

 

[Kinetik]

It's difficult to say whether parenting has an impact on social anxiety. It would seem like a given, but since so many people with wildly different upbringings suffer from it, it's kind of hard to make any fixed assumptions about it. I was always being scolded by my parents. I got sent to my room all the time, and I was hit fairly often. I was scared of them, and developed an obsession with hiding. My mother had borderline personality disorder and my father was an alcoholic, and they used to constantly argue. Worst of all, they stayed together until I was 17. It was only as I got older that I started to see how many parents treat their kids as the center of their universe. It looked weird, and almost comedic/disingenuous to me, because all I'd ever known was neglect and dysfunctional love. Looking back, I would actually have liked some sheltering.

 

[MercySparx]

I'm not a parent, and will never be a parent, but my mom is extremely overprotective. Thank gawd for that. If she wasn't I would probably be a coke snorting slut in an abusive relationship. I was a rebelious teenager with daddy issues sooo...

She managed to give me enough room so I could find myself, express myself ect, while keeping me out of harms way. There was so many times where she picked my ass up from parties where later that night someone got seriously hurt. She would also call the cops on me when I disappeared. My anxiety level and fear of the brutal lecture I was going to get from my mom basically ruined whatever stupid fun I was trying to have. Eventually I learned that I had to work with her, instead of rebelling.

 

[megalon]

I think my overprotective mom was one of the main causes of my anxiety. I was never allowed to go anywhere without my mom or dad tagging along. I never went to parties. I never went to classmates' houses. I wasn't allowed to use the phone. I wasn't allowed to ride my bicycle further than the neighbor's driveway until I was 17. So even though there might've been a group of guys I associated with in school, they would do things together and talk to each other outside of school and I was never allowed to, so I drifted away from any potential friends.
My mom really has some issues with letting go. I remember the first time my brother ended up spending the night at his girlfriend(now fiancee)'s apartment. My mom sat in the living room crying and dialing his phone every five minutes for hours and hours. It was just ridiculous. My brother was 21 at the time. I tried to talk some sense into her telling her we aren't children anymore, but when she get's that way, there's no sense trying to talk to her. It seems like I have to go behind her back and keep it a secret if I do anything. I didn't tell her I was buying a motorcycle until the day I brought it home from the dealership.