Need advice - Getting closer to a girl I like.

[Sempfy]

Hello everyone. I'm in a bit of a fix, so I would really appreciate some input from you guys! Sorry, the post may be a little longwinded too. -_-

Recently, I've met a girl that I've grown a likening for. She works in a Chinese Take Away place, directly across the road from my work. Since I started to go there on a daily basis to pick up lunch a few weeks ago, I'd always see her and be served by her. After a while, we started talking more in our encounters, until recently I went there on a day off just to talk to her some more.

I discovered she had similar personality traits as myself, she also had a negative way of thinking, you know, something I could relate to. Anyway, she really opened up to me, talking about her past and family problems etc. I sat and listened to her, as I thought that was what was most appropriate at the time, to be a listening ear for her. Mind you, this all happened in one meeting at the end of her shift inside the take away shop. Anyway, when it came time to leave, she even offered me a lift to the bus stop so I could take the bus home. I think I'm confident enough to say that she may like me too.

Now comes my problem. What should I do next? My friend says I should ask her out for coffee, but I don't drink coffee. Actually, I don't drink anything like that, and I'm inexperienced with outings of that nature (sitting in cafes, drinking coffee) etc. That probably sounds bizarre, but I just never have done that before, well, rarely. It's uncomfortable, and so is asking her out for dinner, because I'm still trying to get over an eating disorder which makes it difficult for me to eat in public. I've only just started eating in restaurants with my friends after 5 years of not doing so, but I'm not ready to do it with someone I like, it's far too nervewracking yet!

Does anyone have any advice? Something I can do? I really don't want to waste this opportunity.
Thanks, and sorry for the length.

 

[MrDooBee]

I think you should do coffee shop because its really easy. Just walk up to the register order a couple of drinks and then sit down and they bring it to you. Then you can just sit, chat and drink. If you dont like coffee because it tastes like crap, hot chocolates are nice. Hey to ease your nerves you could even try going on your own as a practice run.

Out of the things that came to my mind i think coffee shop is a good first meeting place because its not a date but you get to be alone with her and chat.

Keep in mind i dont have much experience with these things.

 

[Andrew]

Now comes my problem. What should I do next? My friend says I should ask her out for coffee, but I don't drink coffee. Actually, I don't drink anything like that, and I'm inexperienced with outings of that nature (sitting in cafes, drinking coffee) etc. That probably sounds bizarre, but I just never have done that before, well, rarely.

Hey, I live near you I also know where you are coming from as I was once in that situation. I didn't even know what you were supposed to do when you went for coffee, whether you had to actually drink coffee, what you were supposed to talk about, and so on.

I don't find those kind of settings very comfortable so I am guessing maybe you don't either. I have had a bit of experience so I am trying to think of the places that were the best for me. Hmm, now that I think of it, they were all pretty awkward. Whatever you do, it is really a good idea to get there early so that you calm down. Sports people do it as well. They spend time out on the field to feel comfortable in their surroundings.

Also, if you are like me, you don't want to be in noisy environments due to not feeling like the person can hear you. Coffee shops can be noisy, they also are such that other people can hear. This is something I know SA people fear as well, so it probably is not such a good idea. You want somewhere that is relatively quiet and people are not so close that they can hear everything you say.

There are lots of things you can do, like going christmas shopping, walking around southbank, going to a movie, going to the things that they have on at southbank, whatever. ourbrisbane.com has a list of things that are on in the events section. Maybe your first step is to get her phone number so that you can arrange something like that?

There is also the new museum, cultural center, etc at southbank.

Lol everything is at Southbank because there is hardly any other decent place in Brisbane

Ideally you would do something challenging that takes your mind off the whole meeting thing. You know, like ahh... some kind of adventure. I will leave that up to you. That is advanced reading.

 

[Sempfy]

Thanks for the replies, fellow Aussies. Yeah, in a way I do like the coffee shop idea too, but Andrew brings up a good point about noise. I really want it to be just me and her.. I was thinking something like a park? Southbank is a great idea, but I haven't been there for so long, knowing me I'd somehow get lost. haha Man, confining myself for so many years is really coming back to bite me in the butt here.

By the way, where in Brisbane do you live, Andrew? If you don't mind me asking...

 

[incense]

I can relate to your reluctance to do the coffee shop thing. I had a friend who kept asking me to go to a coffee shop, and I was hesitant as well. I had never actually been to one, and I don't drink coffee. It turned out fine. I ordered water. We sat and talked. I was slightly paranoid that the guy a table over who was sitting by himself might be listening in on our conversation though. A lot of people go to coffee shops by themselves, so that made me a little embarrassed and self-conscious about the things I was saying.

I also understand why you're hesitant to go to a restaurant. So am I, but I think sometimes I just have to push myself and do things that make me uncomfortable if I really want to date. Frankly there aren't too many things I am completely comfortable doing date-wise other than going to a movie, and you don't get to know the other person well when viewing a movie.

 

[Cold_Outside]

Wow this is ein old thread. Sorry, but as I know the ladies I want to advice Sempfy that if she says yes I want the coffee then she is already wet. You can only failing if you are not going. Bless you.

 

[Sempfy]

Well, in a matter of hours I will be seeing her again. Last time I saw her I asked what day she worked next, and today is the day. I'm gonna rock up at the end of her shift again and I guess we'll see what happens, I'm definitely not going to force anything like asking to go out. We'll just talk (well, I'll TRY to keep a decent conversation going ) and go from there. I thought a good idea might be to drop my email to her because it's a harmless way of keeping in touch, instead of possibly making her freak out by talking about mobile phone numbers too soon. Good idea, do you think?

Wow, this is really difficult the first time round. My stomach is all over the place right now, I wish I could take something for it, haha.

 

[Dave_McFadden]

I thought a good idea might be to drop my email to her because it's a harmless way of keeping in touch, instead of possibly making her freak out by talking about mobile phone numbers too soon. Good idea, do you think?

If you're going to slip her your email, make sure you GET HERS TOO. If you give her your email and wait for her, it will go something like this. You give her your email. You think, yay, i took a big step, (which you have) and now I sit back and wait for Fortune to give me my reward. And you wait. And you wait some more. And more. And you won't hear from her. And a day will go by and you won't hear from her, and you'll start questioning yourself, and analyzing and re-analyzing the conversation. And you'll start doubting the whole situation. And you don't want to do that. So if you're going to get up the ba..I mean nerve, to give her your email, you should ask for hers, so it seems more like a nonthreatening friendly exchange. And if you don't hear from her in a day then you can contact her. You keep more control over fate that way.

Wow, this is really difficult the first time round. My stomach is all over the place right now, I wish I could take something for it, haha.

If you go for coffee, I suggest decaf.

 

[weak]

The next step will be tricky. It'll require some courage cause there's a possibility of rejection... and thats the part that holds a lot of people back.

Basically, you need to keep going in there and continue chatting with her. At some point ask her if Chinese is her favorite food. Maybe she'll say yes, maybe she'll no and that she prefer Italian.

Whatever she says, respond by saying "Really? Me too. I love it." and then mention a really good local restaurant that specializes in that type of food. Have a couple places in mind in advance and try to know a little about em.

Then throw out this line "yeah, they have some of the best ____ food in town. You know what I have an idea, you should come with me there this weekend".

That's your best shot man. I mean you could always be more straight forward and ask her for her number or email address, but you're risking flat out rejection and you also could be putting her in a somewhat uncomfortable situation.

I'd go with my suggestions, it's a lot more subtle and friendly.