My story.

[desperate4help]

A few years back I got quite badly bullied by one person at school.
Probably the biggest thing he did to me that I remember is when he punched me in the back, really hard, completely unprovoked.

Presently, my neck still clicks and pops involuntarily, and I get into these weird chains of thought where I thinkif he never punched me, my neck wouldn't have clicked, and so and so would've happened, and then i would've met so and so, spoken to him, done that.... And although this sounds silly its true isnt it, so I get really angry and upset.

But should I blame him? When I have got help for this, I have been told to look at the other side of the coin - like his state of mind and what must've happened in his life to make him how he is.
But that means I can't blame him for punching me? If this happened to you, would you blame him or understand that stuff might've happened to him?

PS. I actually managed to get in touch with him, and when I asked why he did it, he says he cant remember.
However he says he might have done it to make people like him, and also said he was pretty messed up from getting bullied himself. (Which I think is true actually)

Please write back, I am in a real state at the moment, if you could see me you would know how bad I am and look right now

 

[GloomySunday]

Would I blame him or try to understand what drove him to do it? Probably a bit of both. You're right to feel angry and hurt, though. It's completely understandable.

But don't let it take over your thoughts, or change you as a person. There's an old cliche and it goes "living well is the best revenge". Go on and make as much of a success of your life as you can, be all that you can be.

Quite often, people like that go on to lead quite mediocre or unpleasant lives. I don't believe in karma in a mystical sense, but more in a common sense kind of way. Like attracts like and people who behave like that ultimately find themselves surrounded by people no better than they are. Sorrow will come in the end, just make sure that it doesn't for you too.

I was bullied at school, but I never let it get to me. I did stand up for myself and went on to have a decent life. I made some good friends and had some amazing life experiences. If I'd have allowed them to "get to me" my life would have been miserable and they would have won.

I often wonder what happened to some of the people who gave me a hard time at school, but I neither know nor care. As far as I was concerned, when I left school and made my way in the world, they ceased to exist.

I hope you can find the strength to get through this.

 

[desperate4help]

Thanks, that was inspiring and I'm glad you managed to turn your life around.

The thing is I'm no superman or anything, i dont have much determination, especially when i keep getting reminded of the bad stuff.
Its the constant reminders

Can you try and associate how you'd get over my situation specifically?
Like commenting on all the things in my first post?
Don't worry if you dont want to

 

[GloomySunday]

I can't really comment in detail because there's not enough information there. I can only really talk about what works for me.

My golden rules for living a better life are (a) Eat healthily (b) Stay away from drugs and vices (c) Exercise every day (d) Surround yourself with positive people and influences (completely avoid people like the person you're talking about) (e) Concentrate fully on your education and bettering yourself (f) Make plans and have achievable ambitions (g) Do whatever in life it is that makes you happy (h) Don't dwell on negative events of the past, instead try to learn from them and move forwards.

You only have this one life. If you allow the actions and thoughts of others to influence how you live it, then you will never be happy. I know it's easier said than done, but learn to just "let it go" and spend your time and energies focusing on things that will make a better life for you.

For me, those things were getting a good degree, having interesting jobs (which arose as a result of having a good education), travelling to foreign countries and seeing something of the world, playing in a band, writing, acting etc...basically, all the things I wanted to do, I just went ahead and did them.

Whatever you want to do, whatever your dreams are, you can do it. You do not need the permission of this person, or anyone else, to do what you want to do.

I wish you all the best.

 

[desperate4help]

Ok thanks.
But my problem is I always dwell on what I can't get, and think that if I was never bullied, I would be able to get that because "everything would be different".

I need help

 

[arjuna]

I can't really comment in detail because there's not enough information there. I can only really talk about what works for me.

My golden rules for living a better life are (a) Eat healthily (b) Stay away from drugs and vices (c) Exercise every day (d) Surround yourself with positive people and influences (completely avoid people like the person you're talking about) (e) Concentrate fully on your education and bettering yourself (f) Make plans and have achievable ambitions (g) Do whatever in life it is that makes you happy (h) Don't dwell on negative events of the past, instead try to learn from them and move forwards.

You only have this one life. If you allow the actions and thoughts of others to influence how you live it, then you will never be happy. I know it's easier said than done, but learn to just "let it go" and spend your time and energies focusing on things that will make a better life for you.

For me, those things were getting a good degree, having interesting jobs (which arose as a result of having a good education), travelling to foreign countries and seeing something of the world, playing in a band, writing, acting etc...basically, all the things I wanted to do, I just went ahead and did them.

Whatever you want to do, whatever your dreams are, you can do it. You do not need the permission of this person, or anyone else, to do what you want to do.

I wish you all the best.

I think that that post is possibly the BEST I'VE EVER READ on this site.

 

[desperate4help]

that was an inspiring post.

but unfortunately life has been so cruel to me , i'm really struggling with the long term effects of bullying.

anyone else offer me advice on long term effects of bullying?

thx[/b]