i have learned to be a severe social anxiety candidate by exhibiting my otherwise invisible essential tremor to its full in fronthe company of my best friends especially when holding a cup of tea. i have become a complicated case because of the following.
i have learned, gained, achieved this anxiety behaviour myself. my own mind drags me there. i want to punish my mind for it
i was, am, otherwise perfectly normal, so society, friends and parents dont expect me to withdraw socially
i have suddenly fallen into the pit
i have tremors only in the presence of those who already have witnessed my anxiety at some point, as if they are looking for it and going to rejoice my sufferings
strangely i behave quite confidently in front of those who dont know me at all
i want to physically punish my mind as it drags me there
my SAD is secondary to essential tremors
my ET has started infecting my other parts now, after hands, i have learned to concentrate on my head and shake it
what talent i had and what i am going to do in my life now because of this otherwise trivial matter
JUST IMAGINE, What if i we had no anxiety and were normal like other people, our attention would have been somewhere else. By now we should have been somewhere in the middle of the ocean with other people but we find ourselves on the shore and our boat tied with a rope.
The real problem with me is that my SAD is secondary to my tremors and i know how it feels to be normal and socializing, so if only i hadnt these tremors i am already there with normal people, so it is frustrating, these tremors would harm me on the long run. so its like A KINGDOM WAS LOST FOR WANT OF A NAIL.
another irony is
When in my adolesence my essential tremor was high but i was unconcerned and i had my natural personality intact, i wouldnt exhibit any obvious shaking in groups
but now medically my tremors have been solved as i aged a bit, but in the meantime i lost my personality, i got conscious of my tremors, i am not natural anymore, i shake shake shake.
there was a time when they used to call me absent-minded and i would get angry. but oh my word, i really want my absent-mindedness back now , i really do, i wish.
The situation is that as if i drag myself to shaking, my mind keeps telling me... it starts like this...... you know you could shake, then, you will shake, if i dont shake......you need to shake, you have always learned how to shake, otherwise its not you, how can you change so quickly............if i still dont shake and show confidence then it tells me you are deceiving your people by disguising your personality (as if i have no right to feel proudy about my abilities), then it hurts my ego as if i m really presenting myself as someone i m not, then it drags me to shake my hands, then head, then my voice and then my mind leaves me at that and i m left to embarrasments and pitines
i have learned, gained, achieved this anxiety behaviour myself. my own mind drags me there. i want to punish my mind for it
i was, am, otherwise perfectly normal, so society, friends and parents dont expect me to withdraw socially
i have suddenly fallen into the pit
i have tremors only in the presence of those who already have witnessed my anxiety at some point, as if they are looking for it and going to rejoice my sufferings
strangely i behave quite confidently in front of those who dont know me at all
i want to physically punish my mind as it drags me there
my SAD is secondary to essential tremors
my ET has started infecting my other parts now, after hands, i have learned to concentrate on my head and shake it
what talent i had and what i am going to do in my life now because of this otherwise trivial matter
JUST IMAGINE, What if i we had no anxiety and were normal like other people, our attention would have been somewhere else. By now we should have been somewhere in the middle of the ocean with other people but we find ourselves on the shore and our boat tied with a rope.
The real problem with me is that my SAD is secondary to my tremors and i know how it feels to be normal and socializing, so if only i hadnt these tremors i am already there with normal people, so it is frustrating, these tremors would harm me on the long run. so its like A KINGDOM WAS LOST FOR WANT OF A NAIL.
another irony is
When in my adolesence my essential tremor was high but i was unconcerned and i had my natural personality intact, i wouldnt exhibit any obvious shaking in groups
but now medically my tremors have been solved as i aged a bit, but in the meantime i lost my personality, i got conscious of my tremors, i am not natural anymore, i shake shake shake.
there was a time when they used to call me absent-minded and i would get angry. but oh my word, i really want my absent-mindedness back now , i really do, i wish.
The situation is that as if i drag myself to shaking, my mind keeps telling me... it starts like this...... you know you could shake, then, you will shake, if i dont shake......you need to shake, you have always learned how to shake, otherwise its not you, how can you change so quickly............if i still dont shake and show confidence then it tells me you are deceiving your people by disguising your personality (as if i have no right to feel proudy about my abilities), then it hurts my ego as if i m really presenting myself as someone i m not, then it drags me to shake my hands, then head, then my voice and then my mind leaves me at that and i m left to embarrasments and pitines
