-lonestar-
Well-known member
Hello everyone, I'd like to introduce myself (sorry if it's a bit long). I'm male 31 years old. I can't believe I'm that old. People could mistake me for 21 so I suppose it's not the worst. What makes me extremely sad tho is how quickly time goes, watching time pass me by. I have no memories of happiness, was I ever happy? did I lose my memories? I only remember I never realized how different people saw me. As a kid I was just shy and alone, my parents aren't bad people but they just had no idea how not giving me attention would affect me. They were never expressive and never talked to me, mostly at me to do this that, never showed they believed in me. I guess we've all felt a version of such reproach, enough to make us confused about communicating with others.
At age 11 school started to feel sad, bored and scared. I couldn't understand why everyone talked to each-other. How they noticed, always ignoring me, thinking I was just some loner with no personality. I never got any progress from counseling. I tried to just read on my subject. I'm at a point in life where I want to have a girlfriend, I keep wondering if I'll miss out, afraid of losing my youthful looks and still be alone. It feels like no one can ever understand how bad SA is, like it's just a made up excuse.
I do realize I used to be worse, specially in highschool, I remember saying hi felt like giving a speech infront of class. I skipped alot and didn't graduate. Eventually I did it, but I wanted so bad to have gotten better grades, still Im glad I graduated. I am just so puzzled buy the bonding between humans, I think I'm very sensitive to sadness. I don't feel comfortable enough to hang out with anyone, but I hope love is possible for a a guy like me. I feel like the world is full of fake people and it's hard to trust anyone.
I'm really sad lately because I was recently fired because I had bad attendance, I wrote a letter with a Dr letter attached, but my union hasn't told me anything good for a lil over 2 months now. It's so difficult starting with new people I never know if I should try to talk, and even if I try I never have anything interesting to say, probably because I got no hobbies, or interested in much, I have no clue why it's so hard to find anything interesting, I barely even like music, I need to believe I can change. I need to believe I won't die full of regrets.
At age 11 school started to feel sad, bored and scared. I couldn't understand why everyone talked to each-other. How they noticed, always ignoring me, thinking I was just some loner with no personality. I never got any progress from counseling. I tried to just read on my subject. I'm at a point in life where I want to have a girlfriend, I keep wondering if I'll miss out, afraid of losing my youthful looks and still be alone. It feels like no one can ever understand how bad SA is, like it's just a made up excuse.
I do realize I used to be worse, specially in highschool, I remember saying hi felt like giving a speech infront of class. I skipped alot and didn't graduate. Eventually I did it, but I wanted so bad to have gotten better grades, still Im glad I graduated. I am just so puzzled buy the bonding between humans, I think I'm very sensitive to sadness. I don't feel comfortable enough to hang out with anyone, but I hope love is possible for a a guy like me. I feel like the world is full of fake people and it's hard to trust anyone.
I'm really sad lately because I was recently fired because I had bad attendance, I wrote a letter with a Dr letter attached, but my union hasn't told me anything good for a lil over 2 months now. It's so difficult starting with new people I never know if I should try to talk, and even if I try I never have anything interesting to say, probably because I got no hobbies, or interested in much, I have no clue why it's so hard to find anything interesting, I barely even like music, I need to believe I can change. I need to believe I won't die full of regrets.
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Milestone!!! Well its interesting what you said 'I need to believe I can change' You need to believe in yourself. It can be done and as you said you have progressed from highschool - that is very encouraging. 
