Jealousy

[PennyLane]

I just heard my flatmate have an extremely normal, mundane conversation on the phone that made me sooo jealous...he was saying, "yeah I'll be there in a bit, I think we're going to the uni bar first then getting some dinner. The game starts at 5 on friday and then we're going out after, you coming?. My gf is coming around here later"

Not exciting I know...but I would really love to be just a comfortable person with friends, call them up, go to a bar, go for dinner and have a laugh.

It made me extremely sad to hear that conversation and know that once again I would be here, doing nothing, bored and alone.

My jealousy (not the mean I dont want them to have it either kind, just the can I have it too kind) even spreads to my family where both my YOUNGER brother and sis are in long term loving relationships and have endless friends.

Even my dad (newly single after being married many years) was telling me he had a great time at a party the other night, he doesn't drink but said it was an excellent night.

My family are really sociable people...and somehow I missed out on that.

How can I be envious of even my dad having a night out....

I'm bloody fed up of not being able to make friends and being so lonely!!!!!!!!!

 

[divethruhaze]

Edited post
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[Blake B.]

I totally know what you mean about seeing other people living socially adjusted lives. Both of my roommates have really cool girlfriends, thankfully only one of them is into "Public displays of affection." They talk about all the fun things they did at whatever camping trip or party they went to, and they try and guilt me for not going. It would be magical if I could go out and enjoy myself when I get an invitation to do something. Now I don't get invitations to go out, but the rest of my friends do.

It's weird. Now that the invites have stopped coming in, I don't have to go through the trouble of shooting them down with a flimsy excuse (the real reason being that I'm just terrified of parties and alcohol in general). But I never really understood how much it would hurt that my friends just stopped trying to get me to come do fun things with them.

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

Jealousy does not apply to your case. I would say that you are more envious. I know it's linguistically acceptable to use those two interchangeably but they're two distinct emotions.

It's completely normal to feel envious especially in your circumstance. Maybe you can let that envy motivate you instead of hold you back. Furthermore, it's good of you to be able to admit it and I don't think you have any malice towards those you envy. If you make an effort to be happy for them, you might actually find yourself not feeling so bad in the end.

I've seen you exhibit social tendencies on this forum. You've been active, friendly, fun, humorous and have contributed a lot on this forum. I think you could be the same on the outside if you worked on it. If you're fun to have on here I think you have potential to be fun in your outside life.

 

[Jake123]

Envy usually takes two people, jealousy usually takes three.

 

[PennyLane]

i feel that way. i always feel bad about myself if I dwell on it too much. I try to control my thoughts, i don't want to get to the point where I hope something bad happens to others, just because they had a better life and they "deserve" some pain.

Its not something that I think about much...it just happened today because I wished I was getting a call and going out like my flattie was.

I don't ever want to take anything away from anyone else and I don't even want them to feel what I feel (honestly wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, if I had one.), I just want to experience what they experience.

In fact I don't even mind starting out with no friends, if only I could feel comfortable in my own skin!

 

[mmmm]

I don't really get jealous or envious or whatever you want to call it. I feel happy when I see people with things that I want because I take it as proof that those things are available. The one thing I want most in life is to stop bluyshing and if everyone walked around red-faced all the time I would lose hope. But because of all those blessed souls who can stay their natural colour in the worst situations, I know that their is a solution to my problem and I just haven't found it yet. One day I freakin will find it.

 

[Nicholas]

I'm jealous all the time. Like, I feel bad when I see others can do something I wish I could do, but for some reason I can't. That's why going out and seeing people often makes me kind of sad, or depressed. They just constantly remind me of how different I am, how many problems I have, they remind me of my dreams. They are and have what I've always dreamed of.

When you see a guy with a pretty girl, kissing each other, happy, tanned, and wearing nice clothes... while you are wearing much lighter clothes but you are dripping sweat anyway because of fuking hyperhidrosis and feel uncomfortable, disgusting, weird, pale because you can't even stand the warmth of the sun... how can you not feel envious and sad?

 

[Moonie]

I'm a very jealous person. This has caused me to be even more bitter and angry. I think alot of it has to do with my low self-esteem.

And genetics suck! My dad's side of the family are all very sociable, fun, loud, and full of emotion. My mom's side is the complete opposite. It pisses me off thinking how one different gene could have changed who I am ::

 

[Quiet Angel]

It helps to be aware of what you're blessed with. Sometimes it's easy to forget when you make comparisons with people-- I know it has been a problem of mine. However, jealousy is human nature and we can just do the best we can to overcome that without being hard on ourselves.

I can relate-- my boyfriend is extremely sociable. He's a social butterfly. He has numerous friends and great opportunities and dreams in life. He's a musician, an intellect, blah blah... there's many things I envy about him. That makes him sad, but I try my best to be happy for him even though it makes myself feel unhappy.

 

[recluse]

I know how you feel. I'm sick of hearing people on the street talking about ''the great party they went to''...O'r whatever people with friends get up to and i feel so bloody lonely::

 

[IJustWantMyLifeBack]

I know how you feel we have neighbors who have BBQ's all the time with people over and I always wish I was the one have a BBQ with lots of people laughing and having a good time.... I now go out when they have there BBQ's as I feel lonely and sad as this use to be me once upon ago..

 

[Harleyq]

I can relate-- my boyfriend is extremely sociable. He's a social butterfly. He has numerous friends and great opportunities and dreams in life. He's a musician, an intellect, blah blah... there's many things I envy about him. That makes him sad, but I try my best to be happy for him even though it makes myself feel unhappy.

This is my situation exactly. My bf complains that he has no social skills and it makes it hard for him to find bandmates, but he has no idea how sociable he really is. He can make an entire room laugh within minutes. Everytime he takes me along, I'm invisible or just his weird, quiet girlfriend sitting around.

 

[limetree]

I accept that others have traits that I envy, but it frustrates me when I see them taking it for granted. If only I could apply that from the perspective of others to myself. Nondualism seems to be the only consoling perspective.

 

[Dan10]

I hope you went with him! This is the way you can make these things happen, you'll go out mingle with all his friends you'll meet new people and then they'll start asking you out.

If your nervous have a drink or two to give you a bit of dutch courage. I can completely relate to you, although in my case i found myself in pretty much every weekend being jealous of everyone who was out having fun, so i went out made new friends and now they ask me to do stuff and its fun, do the same