recluse
Well-known member
I'm probably suffering the worst depression i've ever experienced, Christmas is around the corner yet i couldn't care less.
There's no worse time of year than Christmas to be a loner, thinking about all the people with friends having fun.
I'm becoming more and more of a shut in/hikkomari, atleast when i had a job i was forced to go out and face people, now i have nothing other than my hobbies which are becoming a chore rather than enjoyment. I've lost my sense of humour and i rarely smile and things i used to find funny i don't anymore.
It's a vicious cycle because i have low/non existant self esteem because i don't have friends or a job, but this makes me not want to go out to find a job and friends.
As for a girlfriend...There's more chance of the pope converting to Islam. I am basically doomed because i feel undesirable; I hate being so unremarkable, i feel boring and ugly (i look at photos of me and want to puke).....I don't think any woman has ever found me attractive. I am described as ''nice'' and a ''gentleman'' but i want to be sexually attractive.
You'd think that depression would dampen any sexual desire...Not in my case. I used to be dead against the idea of using prostitutes but it's becoming more of an attractive prospect....After all i am a man and a man has needs, and i'm not going to be a hypocrite about it.
One of the worst things i experience is being unable to stop thinking, i'm constantly thinking, trying to make sense of things and the way i am feeling.
There's no worse time of year than Christmas to be a loner, thinking about all the people with friends having fun.
I'm becoming more and more of a shut in/hikkomari, atleast when i had a job i was forced to go out and face people, now i have nothing other than my hobbies which are becoming a chore rather than enjoyment. I've lost my sense of humour and i rarely smile and things i used to find funny i don't anymore.
It's a vicious cycle because i have low/non existant self esteem because i don't have friends or a job, but this makes me not want to go out to find a job and friends.
As for a girlfriend...There's more chance of the pope converting to Islam. I am basically doomed because i feel undesirable; I hate being so unremarkable, i feel boring and ugly (i look at photos of me and want to puke).....I don't think any woman has ever found me attractive. I am described as ''nice'' and a ''gentleman'' but i want to be sexually attractive.
You'd think that depression would dampen any sexual desire...Not in my case. I used to be dead against the idea of using prostitutes but it's becoming more of an attractive prospect....After all i am a man and a man has needs, and i'm not going to be a hypocrite about it.
One of the worst things i experience is being unable to stop thinking, i'm constantly thinking, trying to make sense of things and the way i am feeling.