In need of advice, can't talk to friend anymore?

[Flyingheart]

I'm going to be meeting my friend tomorrow, the one true friend I've got left and that I haven't shunned due to SA.
Thing is, I've always been able to talk to her, she's the only person I can really talk to without feeling uncomfortable and who Social anxiety hasn't rendered me unable to strike a conversation with, but now I feel it all changing - suddenly I feel paranoid that she hates me/finds me boring, for no apparent reason. And that means I'll act cold towards her when I don't want to, I'm just struck with fear, of having nothing to say. And that means I will be boring as I'm too afraid to speak. I don't understand why I feel this way, it's ridiculous. I feel sad and frustrated because I value this friendship and it's going to be ruined because of something silly.
Social anxiety has just slowly ruined each and every one of my relationships. This is the last straw

I don't really expect any real advice, just if anyone has ever experienced something like this before, but if you have any that'd be really nice.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Yeah in about ten minutes im meeting a friend who iv know for over ten years and all the sudden im nervous/awkard when i see her :/ Just want to say your not alone and to try to relax and dress comfortably when your out....all the pressure shouldnt be on you it's a two way friendship....good luck

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Is this your first time meeting her in person?


I've had a friend for 9 years whom I've spoken to every single day.
We know eachother very well but we haven't been face to face before.
Once you add the fact that it's going to be face to face - not just words on a computer screen; it can get scary, you start to worry.
I've told him that when we meet, I probably won't be able to even speak because I lose my words and my ability to have conversations with people face to face.

Because he knows about my anxiety - and he's experienced it as well; he says he understands and if it comes to that, we'd be sitting side by side- writing to eachother rather than verbally communicating.
Strange, yes.
But not a big deal when it's a person who supports your fears.

 

[zoulaykha]

Yes i've been there, and after i ruin it, i get obsessed with the looks on my friend's face, those surprised looks, and not knowing how to answer you, and gradually feeling that the realationship is getting colder, and then at the next meeting you just wonder if he/she still loves you, and they show you they do but you just don't believe it and suddenly one day, you don't talk to them anymore, because it's gotten too complicated and you don't think they love you the way you wana be loved, maybe you feel it's pity, or just because they're kind, and you comprare your realtionship with them with your ennemies and how they hate you, and you just say, what's so different about my friend, they're all humans, if a human hates me this much then how another one could pretend that he/she love me, it's completely ridiculous, and you know it, but you just keep believeing it from the bottom of your heart.i could only say to you,you just gotta believe that you deserve that love, and that your friend is just a simple human being, who was born to love, who's addicted to love, just like the rest of us, so it isn't mind blowing if they happen to love you, cause you're lovable, just like anybody else on this earth, if it wonder and become obsessed about the reason why you're "ennemies" hate you, just don't bother, you'll probably blame it on the social anxiety, because of your shyness, because you're "boring" to them, don't do that, cuz i assure you that even when you overcome your fears, there's still gonna be people who'll hate you, without an obvious reason, because other people have insecurities too you know , uninderstandable insecurities, deep and mysterious, that translate itself by hatered. this is in case you have ennemies of course. ::

 

[Flyingheart]

Thanks for the replies.

@WeirdyMcgee, no, I've been friends with her for about as long as you've known yours but I've met her face to face. We usually see each other a couple-few times a month but it's never been this difficult for me before. She doesn't know I have SA either and I don't think I could tell her.

I think it started when I rejected an invitation to another friend's birthday party (they're not as close) saying that I was on holiday. This was on facebook and my brother asked me why I said that as he saw my post on the wall. Damn facebook
Then I felt ashamed and for some reason, humiliated and the day after my friend came over and I was still feeling ashamed, resulting in me acting distant and not talking as much. We just sort of fell silent and I knew it was due to me going over negative thoughts in my head. Since then, which was 2 weeks ago, I've felt the same, and I know I will feel just as paranoid and ashamed as last time, unable to speak freely. I think it was in part because my brother brought my SA traits to light and so i've been procrastinating over it.

 

[emmbai1990]

I feel the same a lot, i feel like i'm too boring for alot of people and i've been on my first ever proper date this year and it jsut went totally wrong because he said i'm too quiet to understand and started ignoring me and made up this whole excuse that his parents asked him if he wanted to move to spain just to not see me no more i just thought "So am i that boring that you just want to lie to me and make stuff up?" like for serious he was that rude he purposly broaght along his PSP just to not feel that bored and he just didn't understand even when i told him i can be quiet at first, all i can say is what an idiot. Still... i feel this way about most people because i'm quiet they tend to don't really try and think "Oh... she's closed off, she's being so quiet, how the hell am i supposed to get to know her? i think she's being ignorant" and they walk off... nah i'm not ignorant it's just hard and they have no clue, if anyones ignorant it's them and impaitent for not even trying, it's not THAT easy to even make convosation, the first steps even with people who don't have SA are nervous and find it hard to make the first steps.

 

[kilojoule]

I want to say something encouraging. I think you can do this. When I have something to do that seems insurmountable, I always think like this

1pm family dinner
3pm going home

So it will be over, it is only for a short while and whatever happens you will be back at home a couple hours later. No matter how bad it is, you still get to be back in your own home after it. That in mind might help you relax when you meet your friend, might help with the fear. I hope so. Then when it goes well, you'll come back feeling a sense of great achievement. Please post how it goes.

 

[Flyingheart]

Thanks for the messages. I will keep this updated. I guess all I can really do is trust my gut and try not to think too much.

 

[InnocentGun]

I had the same thing happen to me. A girl and I met in a chatroom, and we became very good friends. She lived about 8 hours away and in a different province. We kept in touch alot using MSN and enjoyed our chats. So a year or two later, my gf and I happened to move to the city where my online friend lived, and she wanted to finally meet me. The first time we met it was all like 'hey great to see you' and all that, and we had a great time just sitting around having a coffee for about an hour. Then the 2nd time I was feeling a bit nervous, like 'what if she expects it to be the same way as the first time we met?' So she picks me up and already I feel anxious and not really having anything to say, and I can tell its just going to go downhill from there on. We met a few more times but each time i got more nervous, started blushing easily and really felt like 'why does she put up with me' or 'maybe she thinks i dont like being around her'. Which wasnt the case, I really liked to hang out with her. A few weeks later we went out to eat at a restaraunt, it was crowded, the music was too loud, and i kind of just sat there trying to make awkward conversation once in a while. We left and I felt heartbroken. Eventually, i started to avoid her, and soon we'd only talk by texting, then it just stopped. I moved back to my home province soon after and we hardly even typed 2 words to each other since. She was such a great girl, I wish I knew about SA then, so I could tell her what i was going through.

 

[mart22n]

Hi FlyingHeart!

Just a quick reply - you're right, trust your gut. Second, be open. You got nothing to lose - if she really is your friend, she's willing to help you with ANY KIND OF ISSUES you have (I'm trying to understand my friends' problems and help when possible). So - be open and tell her what's on your mind. It's gonna be OK, or if not, by being open you will attract many new friends. Trust me

 

[tjames]

You can handle this. It sounds like she's someone who likes you so I bet she'll help you along.

Breathe...

 

[Flyingheart]

Thanks you guys might've already seen my other thread but I actually ended up telling my friend all about my SA and depression. Which I didnt plan on doing at all until last night. She took it well and understood