I have a problem.

[Boundless]

Please do not take this lightly i am not joking,i think im addicted to cutting my self.Know one knows and its getting so bad now,i have scars on my arms from when i cut long ago now i cant seem to stop,arms,legs,stomach all covered in cuts.

I dont know what to do,its like a drug or something seems the pain relax's me and i can briefly forget about my problems whilst i have the physical pain,
i carve patterns into my self or just regular cuts rangeing from 2-10 inchs,i dont know how to stop and im to affraid to tell anyone i know in real life.

What should i do? i cant even look at a knife or razor blade without getting the urge...think i've just lost the plot...

 

[4myself]

Boundless, have you talked to your support worker about this? or visited any sites that can help with cutting. I am glad that you have shared this as it is a very painful (no pun intended) behaviour that many people have reluctance to share with others as you said you do, for fear that people wont understand.

I dont want to offer advice because I think you need to find the help thats right for you and the people who will support and understand you. What kind of emotions usually trigger this? was this behaviour learnt off someone else or is it a 'replacement' behaviour for something you have given up recently?, or none of the above.
I hope you dont mind the questions, please take the next step and seek help from a person or a website. I used to be a cutter myself so i will always take you seriously as I'm sure most other people here will. Thank you for sharing this.

 

[redlady]

Boundless i am sorry to hear this but it is a good thing that on some level you have opened up about it - even if it is to words on a screen.
When i read your post i visited some sites on it so i could try and undersatnd what you are going through, here is a good one:

www.channel4.com/health/microsites/0-9/4health/mind/wwr_selfharm.html

Do you know much about what you are doing to yourself? According to some of what i read - cutting yourself is a way for you to deal with your problems. Boundless their is no easy way to resolve this - but i strongly suggest that you go to a doctor as soon as you can my friend - just to a GP and tell them what has been happening, they will then refer you to a mental health clinic. You have some deep issues here that propel you to do this and they need to be addressed and resolved so you don't feel the need to do this to yourself. Easier said then done right - your telling me, i am currently in therapy and it is hard and confronting - but i am doing what i need to do to help myself, just like you need to do.
It occurs to me that you do want help - because you have spoken up about this and i sense a feeling of desperation there - Please go and see your doctor as soon as you muster the courage to do so.

 

[Boundless]

My support workers know i self harmed in the past but they dont know how bad its got,feeling of sadness,lonelyness,guilt,frustration and anger all boil away inside me all day everyday.I cannot goto my doctor about this,the cuts heal by them selves some take longer then others but nothing serious enough to seek medical help...

 

[4myself]

Physical wounds will heal, do you want to heal the emotional ones?.

 

[Boundless]

I dont know what i want to be perfectly honest... :|

 

[abc1234]

im sorry to here that but u should defitinally tell someone in real life and i agree with 4myself.

their r times were i dont want to live any more because my life sucks but i just think about people who have nothing and now with what the hurricane did. i hope this kinda helps you at all

 

[4myself]

Hmmm, Do you feel comfortable where you are right now and fear that changing may be too much effort and bring pain through sacrifices that you may have to make?

 

[4myself]

Hey Boundless,
I have to get to work now, I will talk to you later and I will try not to get to 'Dr Phil' on you . I hope you have a good day!.

 

[Boundless]

Right long post ahead,I'll try tell you all about my past as i can remember.

I'll start when i was in school,allways bullied no matter what school i went to,got pretty bad in the last school school,in year 7 my mother and father split up and i was taken 300+ miles away from my father who i still loved and it really messed me up,stayed there for a good 6 months even went to a scottish school,try been the ONLY english kid in the entire school.

Whilst up there i made a few friends,they were pretty smart and i enjoyed been around them,but also made a lot of enemies as the english wernt to liked and out of school one time a group of lads decided to crack my head open with a rock of some sort,had to get my head glued...that wasnt nice.
Then my mother decided to move back down to lincoln and back into my old school i went...back with the same people who enjoyed tormenting me and my friends.

So from then till the end of school i enjoyed the beatings and verbal abuse untill the last year where i totaly screwed my gcse's up because i couldnt learn under those conditions,so out of school right into a job,lasted 7 months then i went through a few more,finally got kicked out of my mums house and moved into my dads and then 2+ years of put downs and hatred from my step mother who just loved to make me feel 100% worthless,whilst there i was also bullied by the locals and had my bikes/moped stolen on new years eve was to affraid to even goto the local shop alone.

Eventually got kicked out of my dads cos i lost it and totaly had a go at her for all the shit she put me through,bet she was so happy i was gone
ended up back in with my mum,she had to let me in or it was the streets for me basicly...got a couple more dead end jobs,still depressed from all the crap in the past i started to cut my self.Not much at first i dont even know why i did it,i just had a sharp knife in my hand and started to cut my arm up.Since then on and off i have been doing it alltho i moved on razor blades as they cut so much better.

Couldnt go out with friend all through my life because of what the bullies put me through,its all in my mind as clear as day.Lost all my school friends but 1 who i still chat to on msn,spend 90% of my life inside this house in this room alone,so filled with mixed emotions no way to release them but to cut and now i cant stop cutting untill the pain is to much this crazy and i feel like crap now all the time,got no energy no motivation nothing to get out of bed for..

Missed out loads,cant remember it all..

 

[renegade]

Wow, Boundless, you had a very tough life, I must admit. But cutting yourself isn't going to help you, u know it.

Try to change your habit, when u feel the urge to cut yourself, instead cut something else, destroy, brake something, if psysical pain releases your mental one, try something that will harm you less, i dunno, I will not post here some of my ideas cause they sound stupid.

Or is it the need to release the anger ? Cause that is how I feel sometimes and when I get depressed and angry, i start punching the walls, lol even cracked one...i'm gonna stop hitting in that region cause i'll make a hole in it :lol: My fists hurt like hell, I'll better start wearing gloves.

Hope my advice helps, but u should deffinetly see a specialist.

 

[Claireabell]

Boundless

Have you tried the national self harm network?

I know an old friend used this site and found it very helpful.

http://www.nshn2.co.uk/forum

 

[Chilling__Echo]

hey boundless, i'm sorry i don't have any advice, i don't know that much about cutting but i'm just showing my support! i hope by now things are getting better for you, this thread was started about a month or two ago so i hope and pray you're feeling much better now! and maybe you've got this back under control...