Auburn
Active member
Sorry if this is in the wrong section! I don't know/think it's entirely related to depression, but there's no other website I know of where I can ask for help about this.
Sorry for the mess, words aren't my strong point.
To get the generic stuff outta the way I'm 18, female, and am at a healthy weight for my size. I have a horrifyingly terrible diet however. I eat small things spread out throughout the day (I heard this was a good tactic for keeping healthy or whatever, but I do it unintentionally and have done it my entire life), but all the foods I eat are unhealthy and I'd be lucky to even hear the name of a fruit/vegetable in a day let alone consume one. I'm a REALLY fussy eater whom doesn't eat meat (not exactly out of lifestyle choice, but just the texture of it makes me want to gag). Basically I eat cardboard. I ate like this throughout my childhood because it was all that was in the cupboards and I had no choice what I could have due to my parents. They're not uh exactly the caring type to put it lightly. It's kinda hard to change the only thing I've ever known.
All in all I hate food. And I hate that I hate food. It never tastes of anything and I get frustrated when I realise I'm hungry. I hate it when I look at a meal and it looks so good but the second it's in my mouth I want nothing more than to throw it away. It makes me feel terrible and hate myself.
I go through fazes that can last weeks (which I am in right now) where I just don't eat. It's a chore. And just the thought of food makes my stomach churn. Though I'm stubborn enough to force a tiny bit of food down my throat whenever I can so I'm not going completely out. It's all junkfood though, but it's better than nothing I suppose. Then I make up for the rest of it by drinking a buttload of Pepsi Max I guess to get my energy up. A bad way to do it, but I've formed a habit. My parents don't make dinner for me anymore so I either go without or just have like a peanutbutter sandwich or something.
I've tried to explore new foods, but always always revert back to my habits. I'm always tired and my counsellor is convinced I have anaemia.
I believe it's also worth noting I have social anxiety and mild depression (though I've become good at controlling both).
Due to my lack of experience with food I have no idea how to cook or how to handle foods that aren't out of a packaging.
And uh yeah. I'm sick of it. Restaurants are my vision of a nightmare and it would be really neat to finish a meal, actually eat healthy even if just a little bit, and just have some energy for once.
EDIT: I figured it might also be worth noting that I often get light headed when I stand up, and my legs get so shaky, that I have to move or sit down immediately before I fall, when I stand still for a while (sometimes almost immediately) I often come close to fainting but have only ever actually fainted once before (last year).
Sorry for the mess, words aren't my strong point.
To get the generic stuff outta the way I'm 18, female, and am at a healthy weight for my size. I have a horrifyingly terrible diet however. I eat small things spread out throughout the day (I heard this was a good tactic for keeping healthy or whatever, but I do it unintentionally and have done it my entire life), but all the foods I eat are unhealthy and I'd be lucky to even hear the name of a fruit/vegetable in a day let alone consume one. I'm a REALLY fussy eater whom doesn't eat meat (not exactly out of lifestyle choice, but just the texture of it makes me want to gag). Basically I eat cardboard. I ate like this throughout my childhood because it was all that was in the cupboards and I had no choice what I could have due to my parents. They're not uh exactly the caring type to put it lightly. It's kinda hard to change the only thing I've ever known.
All in all I hate food. And I hate that I hate food. It never tastes of anything and I get frustrated when I realise I'm hungry. I hate it when I look at a meal and it looks so good but the second it's in my mouth I want nothing more than to throw it away. It makes me feel terrible and hate myself.
I go through fazes that can last weeks (which I am in right now) where I just don't eat. It's a chore. And just the thought of food makes my stomach churn. Though I'm stubborn enough to force a tiny bit of food down my throat whenever I can so I'm not going completely out. It's all junkfood though, but it's better than nothing I suppose. Then I make up for the rest of it by drinking a buttload of Pepsi Max I guess to get my energy up. A bad way to do it, but I've formed a habit. My parents don't make dinner for me anymore so I either go without or just have like a peanutbutter sandwich or something.
I've tried to explore new foods, but always always revert back to my habits. I'm always tired and my counsellor is convinced I have anaemia.
I believe it's also worth noting I have social anxiety and mild depression (though I've become good at controlling both).
Due to my lack of experience with food I have no idea how to cook or how to handle foods that aren't out of a packaging.
And uh yeah. I'm sick of it. Restaurants are my vision of a nightmare and it would be really neat to finish a meal, actually eat healthy even if just a little bit, and just have some energy for once.
EDIT: I figured it might also be worth noting that I often get light headed when I stand up, and my legs get so shaky, that I have to move or sit down immediately before I fall, when I stand still for a while (sometimes almost immediately) I often come close to fainting but have only ever actually fainted once before (last year).
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