I grew up being the ultimate social reject which reinforced my insecurities and put me in a lot of misery throughout my teen years.
I've established the idea that the possibility of guys (I'm gay) finding me attractive is pretty slim. I've even had that confirmed by many to whom I've asked opinions about my looks.
It was not only last year in which I embarked on a life of dating and romance, I'm 23 years old.
At that time I didn't bother about having the personality, I was obsessed with appearance. I just wanted someone, just someone to find me attractive. My friend introduced me to a gay dating web site and I sought for decent guys, I went so far as to ask guys who I thought were totally out of my league on a date.
Thus far I've dated 5 guys in one year. The relationship didn't last very long as my "Social Phobic", naive, soft, sensitive personality did not appeal to them. Which I didn't care for at the time, because I knew I had to work on myself.
But I got what I wanted, I had kissing, fondling and cuddling experiences with these guys, the last with which I had the most intensive sexual experience, frottage, and he even called me a few times wanting more, but I blew him off. I never go as far as having sex as I have a huge fear of STDs.
What's more is that there were other, very attractive, guys who were willing to date me or want to have sex with me in the gay dating web site, who I ignored.
At this point, I'm still insecure about my looks. I don't know, I feel like it's not enough, may be it's the fact that I didn't last very long with these guys. I got rejected by them well, except the last guy. And my history for being rejected and being told that I wasn't "good looking".
Why at this age, besides my teen years, do I finally actually find guys who find me attractive? I don't think I've changed any bit? I used to be ignored, laughed at, called ugly. I'm not photogenic, nor athletic, but the guys I've dated so far were model like, and very fit.
I'm still not mentally satisfied though.
I've established the idea that the possibility of guys (I'm gay) finding me attractive is pretty slim. I've even had that confirmed by many to whom I've asked opinions about my looks.
It was not only last year in which I embarked on a life of dating and romance, I'm 23 years old.
At that time I didn't bother about having the personality, I was obsessed with appearance. I just wanted someone, just someone to find me attractive. My friend introduced me to a gay dating web site and I sought for decent guys, I went so far as to ask guys who I thought were totally out of my league on a date.
Thus far I've dated 5 guys in one year. The relationship didn't last very long as my "Social Phobic", naive, soft, sensitive personality did not appeal to them. Which I didn't care for at the time, because I knew I had to work on myself.
But I got what I wanted, I had kissing, fondling and cuddling experiences with these guys, the last with which I had the most intensive sexual experience, frottage, and he even called me a few times wanting more, but I blew him off. I never go as far as having sex as I have a huge fear of STDs.
What's more is that there were other, very attractive, guys who were willing to date me or want to have sex with me in the gay dating web site, who I ignored.
At this point, I'm still insecure about my looks. I don't know, I feel like it's not enough, may be it's the fact that I didn't last very long with these guys. I got rejected by them well, except the last guy. And my history for being rejected and being told that I wasn't "good looking".
Why at this age, besides my teen years, do I finally actually find guys who find me attractive? I don't think I've changed any bit? I used to be ignored, laughed at, called ugly. I'm not photogenic, nor athletic, but the guys I've dated so far were model like, and very fit.
I'm still not mentally satisfied though.
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