I feel that my one friendship is drifting away

[recluse]

O'r rather i am pushing her away:: I used to visit her quite frequently in her home country a two hour flight away. She asked me to come and visit her at Easter but i listened to my own negative inner voice; ''You're ugly, stupid, boring, worthless!'' therefore i made excuses and did not visit her. The last time i visited her was at New years eve and i felt a letdown then.

I sometimes don't reply to her messages for a long time sometimes i wait for her to ask me why i am ignoring her. I do this as a test in a way, a test to check whether she actually cares about me.

Why do i always have to screw everything up?

 

[tobecontinued]

Errgh! I know what you mean. Its this constant need to for assurance that your friends want to be your friends. That they want you as opposed to you wanting them. And every interaction with them is judged on this basis.. was there sincerity in her asking how I was doing? Or was she just being polite and in reality doesn't see me as an interesting person? etc etc. Well I only have 'half' friends and by the fact that I have to initiate everything with them they definitely do not want me.

Certainly your friend seems to want to be your friend. And she seems to let you know in pretty obvious ways (ie asking you to come visit and asking why you are ignoring her), so its never too late. Be her friend as much as you want her to be your friend. If you find yourself ignoring her, remember its never too late to stop ignoring her. I feel like I'm rambling. Oh well, its late.

 

[userremoved]

Maybe you should tell her the problem you're dealing with so she wont take it personally. I mean I assume she doesn't know if she said "why are you ignoring me?". But yeah, do that before you end up like me with women hating you.

 

[2Crowded]

Go see her buddy....make yourself do it please...you deserve to be happy...your a nice guy & she likes you...& she's reletively close geographicly speaking right? ....dont let her drift away....cause she will eventually if you ignore long enough & I know deep down you dont want that..so make contact..& like was said explain yourself if need be.

 

[recluse]

Thanks guys. I have told her that i have problems getting close to people and she's told me that she's a loner because she prefers it that way.

2 crowded- I know i am a nice guy and it makes me bitter knowing that there are people less deserving of friendships than me, but at times i feel a monster who everyone hates.

 

[iamthenra]

Well... You most certainly do NOT look like a monster to me! In fact, you look and sound like a nice guy, of what little I know about you... I would contact her, and don't leave her hanging. A friend is a friend, no matter where they are. Go to her!!!

As a side note. My first date was 1500 miles away from where I live or about a 3 hour jet ride away from where I live. I took a chance that I would be meeting a future friend, and I spent allot of money on just a "chance"... If I were you, I would already be on that plane!

 

[mads]

Go visit her, sooner than later.

When you dont answer messages/phone calls and make excuses, she will probably see it as a rejection from you. Think about this: If she thought you were all the negative you mention, she would never have called you, sent you messages, invited you to her place etc. She does that because she cares for you.

One other thing, it is a victory not to listen to your inner voice, and by going you will do that.

 

[recluse]

Part of me wants her to hate me. I don't know why, maybe it's a fear of getting too close to people. The thought of loosing her from my life scares the hell out of me.

 

[mads]

Part of me wants her to hate me. I don't know why, maybe it's a fear of getting too close to people. The thought of loosing her from my life scares the hell out of me.

There is your answer. You are to affraid of getting close to her as it would hurt you if you lost her.

Try to ask yourself and write down why you are affraid to loose her. You have to find out were these awful thoughts come from, or else you will never get rid of it 100%. I hope you understand what I mean.

The most important thing you have to do, is to love yourself, if you dont do that, others will have it very hard get to love you.

Have she ever visited you at your place?

 

[recluse]

That's the truth, yes. No she hasn't visited my place although i have offered her.

I have lost many friends from childhood due to me avoiding people. How can i love myself? It's impossible!

 

[mads]

She is probably as affraid as you are.

Have you ever got cognitive therapy, as I know it really helps a lot of people. Of course it can cost some money, depending on how many hours you need, but it is a very good investment to do.

But do visit her. I know there is a voice in you which says that you should not, but should that voice win over you?

 

[recluse]

I did have cbt but i quit.

 

[mads]

Did it help you?

 

[PunkRotten]

Enjoy it while its there. We can never predict whos going to be in and out of our lives, so we should enjoy it while its there, and the longer it is the stronger it shall get. You never know, you might end up life long friends. You never know unless you start somewhere. Try not to over think things, like you arent deserving etc, just go for it and try your best. Dont think, just do!