bloodyrose
New member
i am not sure i am doing this right. i just typed in i wish i were dead and i came up with this website. so i guess i will just say what i am thinking. Maybe something will happen, i don't know what but i can only hope that some kind of miracle will happen because i can't take this feeling anymore. I am feeling more and more like i want to be dead. i am so miseable. i can't imagine spending the rest of my life feeling this way, so lonely and hopeless and worthless. i have felt this way since i was a teenager and it has never really gone away, but now it is worse. it seems like no one cares about me. i am so lonely. i have been alone for so long. i am 49 and i just feel so worthless. i have never been married. i don't feel like there is any reason to live my life, what is the point, i have nothing to live for. my daughter doesn't even seem to care about me. i try to hard to do things right but i guess i do everything wrong. what is there to live for if you have no career, no energy to get one, poor health, depression, money running out, not funny, no talents, not very smart as you can tell by my poor writing abilities, no life, nothing, just misery. i get sadder and sadder everyday and keep hearing this voice (not really a voice but sort of a thought or voice or something) telling me to take a bunch of pills, and sometimes i feel like i will do it even if i don't want to, like an urge or something and i get scared when i picture my body lifeless lying there. then i feel bad because no one would care anyway, in fact they would be better off with out me really even my daughter. no one seems to love me. and it is true. i think i am one of those people who are crying out for help but no one hears me and then when i am gone they will all wonder how they didn't see the signs, or maybe they do but they just ignore them, i think that is it. my family just doesn't care about me. Or they will probably just feel sorry for me that i was such a looser, and it would be one more reason in thier mind that confirms to them that i am a looser, and no one will ever understand me. anyway i didn't mean this to be so long. i have tried medication and it doesn't work and i am sensitive antidepressents. i have tried many things. i also have severe insomnia and i am addicted to ambien which is making me feel worse and it doesn't seem to work, it just makes me feel horrible and i can't remember anything anymore, which makes me feel so worthless and dumb. thank you for listening.