I don't belong anywhere

[Xion]

Its been so long since I've been feeling like I don't belong anywhere in this world. When I told this to my so-called friend, she said that I am a fool to think that I don't belong anywhere. Am I really a fool to think like that? Everyone lets me down, even the people who should care about me the most: my parents.
In school, my so-called friends don't care about me. All they do is go and be with others and when I say that I would want to hang out with them, they would bring up excuses like, they are busy studying. And the next day, I hear that they had a good meal without me. When I ask them, they would make an excuse again. When they are looking for a conversation, they would completely ignore me and would choose a stranger over me. I don't belong in school. ( I am away from home to study btw)
At my home, my parents say mean things to me when I don't meet their expectations. And also, they completely ignore my feelings especially my SA and depression with comments like " get over it." They don't understand me even a bit. SO, I don't belong in home too.
I have nowhere to return to. I feel so lonely. I feel like I don't belong anywhere in this world. What can I do about this?

 

[S_Spartan]

Its been so long since I've been feeling like I don't belong anywhere in this world. When I told this to my so-called friend, she said that I am a fool to think that I don't belong anywhere. Am I really a fool to think like that? Everyone lets me down, even the people who should care about me the most: my parents.
In school, my so-called friends don't care about me. All they do is go and be with others and when I say that I would want to hang out with them, they would bring up excuses like, they are busy studying. And the next day, I hear that they had a good meal without me. When I ask them, they would make an excuse again. When they are looking for a conversation, they would completely ignore me and would choose a stranger over me. I don't belong in school. ( I am away from home to study btw)
At my home, my parents say mean things to me when I don't meet their expectations. And also, they completely ignore my feelings especially my SA and depression with comments like " get over it." They don't understand me even a bit. SO, I don't belong in home too.
I have nowhere to return to. I feel so lonely. I feel like I don't belong anywhere in this world. What can I do about this?

I don't have an answer but I can relate. Everyday I feel as though I don't belong on this planet,

It's like this supernatural force I've been fighting all my life.

These days I try not to fight against it so much and realize that most everything I try to do, especially if it involves other people, will be made as hard as possible because of this force.

And I do believe it's a force because there are some terrible people out there who are really loved by other people.

 

[LoyalXenite]

I too can relate, I've never felt like I belonged in this world. There are times when it all seems so fake and its almost like I could just peel back the illusion and find where Im meant to be.

I dont have much advice on how to help with this, except to try to find a place where you can ground yourself and try to orient yourself into the world. I find the beach works best for me, but just out in nature away from it all helps too.

 

[Graeme1988]

I too can relate, I've never felt like I belonged in this world. There are times when it all seems so fake and its almost like I could just peel back the illusion and find where Im meant to be.

Ah feel the same way, Loyal. Though, ah don't know if ah should just accept the fact I will always feel out of place in this world? Since I don't exactly fit in anyway.

I dont have much advice on how to help with this, except to try to find a place where you can ground yourself and try to orient yourself into the world. I find the beach works best for me, but just out in nature away from it all helps too.

Sadly, ah'd have to settle for the countryside. Not that ah'd complain about it. Havin' living is small, borin' but busy town for most of ma life, the countryside seems tranquil and idyllic by comparison.

 

[zharl]

Well, it isn't much, but you have us. Also, I'd keep the friend who said you were a fool. Yeah, she was a bit harsh, but I think she was trying to make you feel better and, judging by how you characterized it, it seems like she does care. It sounds like she feels bad that you feel like such an outsider...but then again, I wasn't there, so what do I know?

Stay strong, brother! Things get better. They have to.

 

[LoyalXenite]

Sadly, ah'd have to settle for the countryside. Not that ah'd complain about it. Havin' living is small, borin' but busy town for most of ma life, the countryside seems tranquil and idyllic by comparison.

Sadly Im not close to the beach anymore, in April I moved inland and have to settle for the night sky as my comfort. Im thinking I may go back though, I never realized just how much I need the ocean. Even if I dont go there for months, knowing im close to it, smelling it in the air, makes such a difference

 

[Kiwong]

I belong on a running trail to myself, a beach with no one on it.

 

[theoutsider]

There's a place for everyone. Those of us with SA just have a harder time finding it. Imagine if all of us from this site could physically be in the same place. I'll bet most of us would feel like we fit in then.

It can be a lonely road at times but you have to learn to be your own best friend, your own support system. Don't think of yourself so much as broken but a rare case that few (including your parents) will understand. Please stop depending on those so-called friends for your happiness. You are allowing them to break your heart over and over again while it's obvious you are not a priority to them. I did the same thing when I was school aged and I can tell you to this day, my dependence on them is the one thing I would change if I could go back in time.

 

[Megaten]

Unfortunately people that dont suffer from depression or have never really experienced it to that extent either cant or refuse to empathize. I think it makes them uncomfortable and they'd rather either avoid that person or guilt trip them for being depressed. I say if you can try and talk to a professional and see if they can help with your moods first. Once your mood is more stable then you can start to figure out what people are you fit best with. But as to what that girl said, yeah everyone has some people they can "belong" with. We're not as unique as we might think we are.

 

[PugofCrydee]

I also can relate.

One thing that helped me was becoming independent. Also finding a job where I could become competent and stay independent.

For me that in itself was huge.

 

[vj288]

I would say, try going to the places you haven't been. Your current situation may make you feel like there is no where for you, but there are so many other things you haven't tried yet. Maybe you belong at nasa. On a cross country team. In a cottage writing horror screenplays. On a dating site. Researching Inuit culture for high school textbooks. A church. In a monster truck rally announcers booth. Tahiti. The restaurant at the end of the universe. In the arms of a girl you met a coffee shop. Or maybe her brother. In a world of pure imagination. Aboard the Nautilus. Hunting the Red Baron. Nerdfighting. On a hilltop watching the sunset.

My point being that there are so many different places to "be" in this world, and there is definitely a place for you. It's just about going out there to find it.

 

[sprode]

I don't think it's foolish to think that. I'm not even sure non-SA people have that kind of answer. Mainly I'm not sure what it means, "belonging." Being tied down by social bonds and a job? A severe attachment to a particular location?

Of course, I have long felt that I don't even belong on this planet, so I wouldn't know what it feels like, but belonging seems like a floaty notion. People move and change relationships all the time.

Meanwhile I have no idea where to go or what to do with my life. Can one really say there is a place for everyone?

 

[PhantomPod]

I can relate to you.

There were only three months in my entire life when I felt like I belonged. When I studied abroad in Sweden I actually had friends and had fun and went out at night and I just felt so "normal." It was great. But that study abroad experience was 10 years ago now and I have never again had that same feeling of belonging and I've never had a friend since.

All I do now is just hang out with my dog and watch TV/movies and do all my little hobbies, and all of those things are usually enough to keep me happy for the most part.