Marletta
Active member
Hi, my name is Elizabeth. I am 38 and an unemployed technology worker. I am married. Second marriage for me, first for him. NO kids, don't want any. We have a cat and thats good enough for us 
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I have always had social problems/phobias/put your word here. I never made friends or got along really well with co-workers. I grew up an army brat. Being an army brat meant you moved every three years so it was tough. I am also an only child which made it even tougher to connect with my peers.
I had a revelation today. I would like to share it with you. Your comments are welcomed:
I think I know why or at least the cause of my social phobias.
When I was about 6 or 7 years old, the school sent a note to my parents stating that I talked to much in class. I don't remember if the teacher ever spoked to me about it before sending the note. My mom and dad played this song called, "You Talk Too Much," by Joe Jones (it was sung by someone else though, released in 1960). They played it over and over and over again. They played it all night long. They just danced and laughed at me. I never understood what I did wrong. The message I got from that was talking = humiliation. When I remembered this event (just today), I just cried. I cried my eyes out. I am still crying a little. After that lovely evening at home (sarcasm), I didn't speak to anyone. I was known as the quiet and good student after that. And, hence, I never learned to socialize. There are other events like this in my life and I am sure there is more that I have surpressed. But this is the first one. This is the one that started it all.
As I grew older, I became angry and fustrated because I was (and still am) unable to make friends and connect with my peers. I also have issues with women in general, especially authority figure types. They remind me too much of my mother who was abusive both mentally and physically.
I have spent my entire (social) life completely clueless. I have no idea what is going on. I have no idea why people respond the way they do nor do I know how to respond to them. I do not know how to interact with others beyond the basic hello.
Understand this, I am not blaming my parents. I am just discovering how I got to where I am. I am trying to figure out what is missing so I can teach myself to be more functional in the world. I have gotten to the point where I am losing jobs because of it. My work is great but my social skills suck. I am great with customers because it is a brief interaction. Dealing with co-workers and my boss, its a totally different story and I constantly screw it up. I can only pretend to be friendly for so long and then the actress in me wears out. I am grumpy and mean because it is a shell, a sheild, that protects me from THEM. I don't know how to deal with THEM. Silence makes everyone uncomfortable. My thought is if I come across as a grumpy goose, they will leave me alone. I take the blame for it and I don't feel awkward around THEM any more.
I desperately want an active social life. I want to be one of those people with a zillion friends and off doing something with them. I just don't see it happening.
The longer I stay unemployed, the worse it gets. I stay indoors most of the time now. I go to the gym an hour a day most days but I don't say anything to anyone. I smile but thats about it. I go to the grocery store late at night so I don't have to deal with anyone. I get easily frightened by crowds instead of just annoyed... I could go on but you get the picture.
.I have always had social problems/phobias/put your word here. I never made friends or got along really well with co-workers. I grew up an army brat. Being an army brat meant you moved every three years so it was tough. I am also an only child which made it even tougher to connect with my peers.
I had a revelation today. I would like to share it with you. Your comments are welcomed:
I think I know why or at least the cause of my social phobias.
When I was about 6 or 7 years old, the school sent a note to my parents stating that I talked to much in class. I don't remember if the teacher ever spoked to me about it before sending the note. My mom and dad played this song called, "You Talk Too Much," by Joe Jones (it was sung by someone else though, released in 1960). They played it over and over and over again. They played it all night long. They just danced and laughed at me. I never understood what I did wrong. The message I got from that was talking = humiliation. When I remembered this event (just today), I just cried. I cried my eyes out. I am still crying a little. After that lovely evening at home (sarcasm), I didn't speak to anyone. I was known as the quiet and good student after that. And, hence, I never learned to socialize. There are other events like this in my life and I am sure there is more that I have surpressed. But this is the first one. This is the one that started it all.
As I grew older, I became angry and fustrated because I was (and still am) unable to make friends and connect with my peers. I also have issues with women in general, especially authority figure types. They remind me too much of my mother who was abusive both mentally and physically.
I have spent my entire (social) life completely clueless. I have no idea what is going on. I have no idea why people respond the way they do nor do I know how to respond to them. I do not know how to interact with others beyond the basic hello.
Understand this, I am not blaming my parents. I am just discovering how I got to where I am. I am trying to figure out what is missing so I can teach myself to be more functional in the world. I have gotten to the point where I am losing jobs because of it. My work is great but my social skills suck. I am great with customers because it is a brief interaction. Dealing with co-workers and my boss, its a totally different story and I constantly screw it up. I can only pretend to be friendly for so long and then the actress in me wears out. I am grumpy and mean because it is a shell, a sheild, that protects me from THEM. I don't know how to deal with THEM. Silence makes everyone uncomfortable. My thought is if I come across as a grumpy goose, they will leave me alone. I take the blame for it and I don't feel awkward around THEM any more.
I desperately want an active social life. I want to be one of those people with a zillion friends and off doing something with them. I just don't see it happening.
The longer I stay unemployed, the worse it gets. I stay indoors most of the time now. I go to the gym an hour a day most days but I don't say anything to anyone. I smile but thats about it. I go to the grocery store late at night so I don't have to deal with anyone. I get easily frightened by crowds instead of just annoyed... I could go on but you get the picture.
