How are you feeling?

[SilentAndShy]

Feel rubbish and want this week to end..

Don't feel in a talkative or helpful mood owing to decisions at work I don't agree with/unable to speak in meetings/and worried that I'm spooking out a work colleague..

And just would rather be left alone..

 

[Graeme1988]

Good poem there, slowesthand. erfect: Like the music references. :thumbup:
Actually saw it before you added those addition verses - when it was just the first few lines.
And thought it was pretty good then, too.




Awww... It's been good to get out the house for a couple hours, today. It's been tense as f*ck, lately. :thumbdown:

 

[FountainandFairfax]

Hello, I'm Mister Maladjusted...

 

[theslowesthand]

Good poem there, slowesthand. erfect: Like the music references. :thumbup:
Actually saw it before you added those addition verses - when it was just the first few lines.
And thought it was pretty good then, too.

Thanks . It was just one of those nights where i was inspired. The lyrics flowed pretty easily.
The muse-ic was partly my muse! hehe

 

[Graeme1988]

Thanks . It was just one of those nights where i was inspired. The lyrics flowed pretty easily.
The muse-ic was partly my muse! hehe

Well, the inspiration needs to come from somewhere. :bigsmile: And yer definitely better than me in regards to lyrics.
I'm always writing and changing things, constantly over-thinking. :kickingmyself:

 

[Kiwong]

Exhausted. Spent 11 hours in the bush, looking for wildflowers. Walked off trail for seven hours along the length of a creek. Made it back onto the trail with 10 minutes before sunset, didn't think I would make it before dark.

So then I walked the trail without food or water. I was covered in ash from burnt trees and shrubs.There were stretches of vine tangled that slowed me to a halt. A guy in a 4wd drive gave me some water, but he w
as heading in the other direction so didn't give me a lift.

It was dark by then and I couldn't see the trail, and I headed the wrong way . Rain started to fall on me I was chafing my feet were blistering. The back of my mouth was dry from dehydration. I doubled back headed the right way.

I was being hammered by anxious thoughts, anger, feat, grief and regret. 5 hours in the dark and rain is a long time to spend alone with such despairing thoughts. I got back to my car drank some water. It was midnight.

Then I drove 40 minutes back to the town I live in. Bought heaps of drinks. So sore I could hardly sit down or stand up out of my car, I limped into the service station. I made it home at 2 am in the morning.

I had been wanting to do this walk for a few years, but I don't think I will do it again

 

[Graeme1988]

I really don't want to be here anymore. There's nae point living if I'm not allowed any control or choice over who keep in touch with and who refuse to speak to. Just cuz they're family doesnae mean I have keep them in my life if they treat me like sh!t. :sad:

 

[worrywort]

I feel so far behind other people sometimes. I just went to a family party and everybody was talking so confidently and quick-wittedly, and I just couldn't keep up. The things people talk about seem so meaningless when you have this giant ball of sadness in your soul that is demanding all of your attention. I think I'm still a child in many ways. There are so many adult issues that I think I've bypassed, like how to make shrewd financial investments, how to deal with high pressured problems in the workplace, how to sacrifice and compromise in relationships. Evenings like this always leave me doubting my ability to cope in a real relationship, were I lucky enough to ever find myself in one. I think I'm just gonna have to accept that I'm a bit behind most people and make my peace with it.

 

[theslowesthand]

I feel so far behind other people sometimes. I just went to a family party and everybody was talking so confidently and quick-wittedly, and I just couldn't keep up. The things people talk about seem so meaningless when you have this giant ball of sadness in your soul that is demanding all of your attention. I think I'm still a child in many ways. There are so many adult issues that I think I've bypassed, like how to make shrewd financial investments, how to deal with high pressured problems in the workplace, how to sacrifice and compromise in relationships. Evenings like this always leave me doubting my ability to cope in a real relationship, were I lucky enough to ever find myself in one. I think I'm just gonna have to accept that I'm a bit behind most people and make my peace with it.

I don't have a social life, so i never get invited to gatherings. But there's a family gathering at xmas each year, and sometimes i skip it, as i just get reminded of how left-behind & missing-out i am. I doubt i could handle having a partner, as i've got too many issues, and there'd be too many walls to break thru & hills to climb & fires to fight.

 

[theslowesthand]

Exhausted. Spent 11 hours in the bush, looking for wildflowers. Walked off trail for seven hours along the length of a creek. Made it back onto the trail with 10 minutes before sunset, didn't think I would make it before dark.

So then I walked the trail without food or water. I was covered in ash from burnt trees and shrubs.There were stretches of vine tangled that slowed me to a halt. A guy in a 4wd drive gave me some water, but he w
as heading in the other direction so didn't give me a lift.

It was dark by then and I couldn't see the trail, and I headed the wrong way . Rain started to fall on me I was chafing my feet were blistering. The back of my mouth was dry from dehydration. I doubled back headed the right way.

I was being hammered by anxious thoughts, anger, feat, grief and regret. 5 hours in the dark and rain is a long time to spend alone with such despairing thoughts. I got back to my car drank some water. It was midnight.

Then I drove 40 minutes back to the town I live in. Bought heaps of drinks. So sore I could hardly sit down or stand up out of my car, I limped into the service station. I made it home at 2 am in the morning.

I had been wanting to do this walk for a few years, but I don't think I will do it again

You'll certainly remember this experience, eh? :thumbup:

I wish i could do things like that. Nowadays, aside from not having transport, i just don't allow myself to do spontaneous things, like bush hikes. I think my OCD doesn't like off-the-cuff activities.
I still remember a hike i did up the west coast (of nz, north island). Took a couple days. There was a storm, and we could quite easily have drowned, as walking along the rocks with the waves reaching our hips, was cleary dangerous. And we both went completely under water at one point. And we were freezing at the end of it, no place to shelter, no warm dry clothing, waiting for hours for our ride home. But overall, it was a highlight of my life, and i fondly remember it to this day. But why wouldn't i remember it, when it's one of the VERY FEW things i've done in my life. I just don't like doing things, probably due to my OCPD & avoidance of anything novel (as it sends my anxiety right up); but i think sometimes it would be worth such hardship...

 

[theslowesthand]

Dammit, i can't even watch tv now without it being planned & habitual. That is, my new habit is only allowing myself to watch tv according to a rigid habit. Which in effect means, now i basically cannot watch any tv at all !! :kickingmyself: h:
(And i certainly could do with the entertainment, as don't have anything else, don't go anywhere, don't do anything, just use the computer)

 

[Graeme1988]

I feel so far behind other people sometimes. I just went to a family party and everybody was talking so confidently and quick-wittedly, and I just couldn't keep up. The things people talk about seem so meaningless when you have this giant ball of sadness in your soul that is demanding all of your attention. I think I'm still a child in many ways. There are so many adult issues that I think I've bypassed, like how to make shrewd financial investments, how to deal with high pressured problems in the workplace, how to sacrifice and compromise in relationships. Evenings like this always leave me doubting my ability to cope in a real relationship, were I lucky enough to ever find myself in one. I think I'm just gonna have to accept that I'm a bit behind most people and make my peace with it.

I don't have a social life, so i never get invited to gatherings. But there's a family gathering at xmas each year, and sometimes i skip it, as i just get reminded of how left-behind & missing-out i am. I doubt i could handle having a partner, as i've got too many issues, and there'd be too many walls to break thru & hills to climb & fires to fight.

Story of my life. :sad: But I accepted how things were for me, at a young age. So now, feeling left out doesn't phase me. As it's a waste of time to dwell on that. As family gatherings go, I stop enjoying those when they became an obligation to attend, just to keep my middle sister happy. And those were tense as owt... We're sat there, scared to engage in conversation in case she - the middle sibling - kicks off over something one of us said. h:
Cuz that's how 99.9% arguments start in my family. :kickingmyself:

 

[Graeme1988]

Dammit, i can't even watch tv now without it being planned & habitual. That is, my new habit is only allowing myself to watch tv according to a rigid habit. Which in effect means, now i basically cannot watch any tv at all !! :kickingmyself: h:
(And i certainly could do with the entertainment, as don't have anything else, don't go anywhere, don't do anything, just use the computer)

I'm kinda in a similar rut as well. Getting as those movie and tv show recommendations, but feeling I don't have the time for 'em. Nor do I know if ah'll even like 'em. :idontknow:

 

[Graeme1988]

My life is going to sh!t... :sad: I'd rather not be here than have to tolerate people who say they care about me one minute, then the next, they're being abusive. But then expect that behaviour just to be forgiven and pretend as though it never happened. Is that how a normal family treat each other? :question: :idontknow:

 

[theslowesthand]

And my telephone is not working. Not that i use it mind, but at least it was an option, up until a few days ago. Hope the bleedin thing gets fixed next week!
Every year i have to ring up tech support, & go thru all the rigmarole of fixing whatever the hell goes wrong! I can do without that stress! :thumbdown:

 

[theslowesthand]

Apologies for the swearing.
F*ck F*cK F*ck F*ck F*ck.
Now THAT is a new one. Quite an intense passionate feeling, whatever it is exactly...
I am listening to music & drinking tho ... van halen to be precise. Damn, they've F*ck'ed me up!!!

 

[Graeme1988]

Apologies for the swearing.
F*ck f*CK f*ck f*ck f*ck.
Now THAT is a new one. Quite an intense passionate feeling, whatever it is exactly...

Sounds just like me... And that initial apology can f*ck right off!

I am listening to music & drinking tho ... van halen to be precise. Damn, they've F*ck'ed me up!!!

Nice music choice there. :thumbup: I'm contemplating gettin' back on the booze, masel'. :thinking: :idontknow:

 

[theslowesthand]

My life is COMPLETE UTTER CRAP!!! :thumbdown::thumbdown::thumbdown::thumbdown:

 

[Graeme1988]

My life is COMPLETE UTTER CRAP!!!

Same here. :sad: :kickingmyself: :thumbdown:

 

[theslowesthand]

Nice music choice there. :thumbup:

Well, it started off with me wanting sth faster than classical instrumental music. Tried Yes. Not fast enough. Then tried Red Hot Chili Peppers. Not fast enough. Then resorted to my trusty Van Halen. :thumbup:
I especially like when they do Jimi Hendrix covers - Eddie does it very well. In fact i might even switch over to Jimi Hendrix now, as i've played a few VH albums (incl live) now. Yep, now playing hendrix. Good, crazy, soul sh*t. Rum'n'coke is keeping this whole f*ckin shebang going.

Ps: I'm listening to this good hendrix compilation i found: Jimi Hendrix MACHINE GUN compilation