Hi everyone. I've just joined after finding out my diagnosis. I had to get a form from my therapist to help get money from my insurance and I found out from that. I could have asked my therapist if he had a diagnosis but never wanted to ask. It was interesting reading about this personality disorder and finding this forum and reading the comments, it was nice to read other people thinking the same way as me.
I'm sorry to post long and ask questions when I've only just joined. I hope this is ok.
The thing is I have a lovely therapist. He is patient and kind and spends a lot of time reassuring me that I can trust him. I feel I can, well in my way, and have opened up about a lot but only on e-mail and he says although it's a great step I have to talk to him too. The thing is I have just felt a slip backwards, I can see no reason why I should be the way I am and hate myself even more for being this way. He says I'm doing this as a cover because I'm scared of opening old wounds he explains why it makes sense what he's saying and it does but I still feel the same and I don't have any old wounds that I can recall anyway. So not for the first time he says he can't help me if I sit there without talking to him. I tell him I don't know what to say (I truly don't) he says I do somewhere and I have to trust him to say it. But I really can't find anything and it's so frustrating.
I want to ask if anyone else has had this because I feel desperate right now. I'm hoping to hear some experiences where you have overcome this to give me some hope to keep trying because right now I'm thinking of cancelling my next appointment as I cannot see the point. My therapy consists a good part with him reassuring me, then explaining it's ok for me to be like this with questions in between eg. 'how do you feel about that?' or 'what are you thinking about what I've just said?' and me mostly answering by saying 'I don't know'. And in all honesty I'm not being awkward, I just really don't know! I so badly want it to be different so he can help me because right now I feel in a bad place.
I'm sorry to post long and ask questions when I've only just joined. I hope this is ok.
The thing is I have a lovely therapist. He is patient and kind and spends a lot of time reassuring me that I can trust him. I feel I can, well in my way, and have opened up about a lot but only on e-mail and he says although it's a great step I have to talk to him too. The thing is I have just felt a slip backwards, I can see no reason why I should be the way I am and hate myself even more for being this way. He says I'm doing this as a cover because I'm scared of opening old wounds he explains why it makes sense what he's saying and it does but I still feel the same and I don't have any old wounds that I can recall anyway. So not for the first time he says he can't help me if I sit there without talking to him. I tell him I don't know what to say (I truly don't) he says I do somewhere and I have to trust him to say it. But I really can't find anything and it's so frustrating.
I want to ask if anyone else has had this because I feel desperate right now. I'm hoping to hear some experiences where you have overcome this to give me some hope to keep trying because right now I'm thinking of cancelling my next appointment as I cannot see the point. My therapy consists a good part with him reassuring me, then explaining it's ok for me to be like this with questions in between eg. 'how do you feel about that?' or 'what are you thinking about what I've just said?' and me mostly answering by saying 'I don't know'. And in all honesty I'm not being awkward, I just really don't know! I so badly want it to be different so he can help me because right now I feel in a bad place.