4seasons
Well-known member
Alright this is going to be a very embarrassing topic for me to bring up and at the same time i don't want to offend anyone. The only reason why i can find the courage to talk about this right now is because im drunk. About 3 years ago i used to smoke a lot of weed with a group of friends, 2 i knew well and about 5 not so well..anyway... while i was with them when i was i all ways felt different and my mind was racing with thoughts about everything. One night i thought "hey, im so different from everyone else, these people are treating me differently, what if in some way i am mentally delayed or something like that". when i sobered up i thought wow thats a ridiculous thought. However, from that time forward whenever i got high i thought the same thing and one time i went out on a limb and spoke up to two close friends of mine, i found they acted very odd when i brought this up(which could mean anything but i fear it meant the worse). This is the last time i smoked weed for a long time. For months i researched everything i could think of, and i'd come up with a similarity here and there relating to me with different disorders and disabilities. I knew my sister had something that had to do with paranoia and stress so i asked her about it and she said she had a lot of anxiety (she is on paxel). So i researched anxiety and found this forum and a lot of other pages that explained everything i was feeling so i have allways assumed i had really bad socila anxiety. Ever since all of that it has all ways been in the back of my mind "what if" or "why is this person treating me this way" like this guy is talking to me like i'm a 5 year old....ect... I have been looking for clues since then because of this and would all ways actually come up with some, and sometimes i would think i am crazy for thinking that I'm "mentally challenged". Its just so mixed. I have already typed a post that is way to long haha so i'll cut to it. Tonight i found this..... http://www.thiswayoflife.com/friendship.html ....and i scared the hell out of me, and i just don't know what to think or what to do, so i'll ask it here. Is it possible that I'm autistic. Like is this something someone would know about themselves, or have to find out, or is it something an autistic person would never know?...i know there is smart people here, please help me.
PS: Sorry about how long this is, but there is a lot on my mind and still a lot more. Thanks for reading. I don't want to come off as ignorant either so if i offend anyone here i am very sorry. I just cant live with this on my mined anymore. Its just that tonight at supper my mom was talking about an autistic person that goes to her gym with my step dad and she said there is different "degrees" of autism and the way they brought it up seemed a little random and the way they talked about it was very delicate. It just got my min "racing" again......one of those "clues" i all ways seem to pick up on. Just to add I'm 18 i've always felt immature. Ex. CANNOT for the life of me start a conversation with a girl or ask a girl out, i'm just to damn scared. Theres a lot more to this also i just brought up the more important points. Again thank you for reading....and for those of you think "i'm not touching this with a 10 foot pole", i really need some help here.
PS: Sorry about how long this is, but there is a lot on my mind and still a lot more. Thanks for reading. I don't want to come off as ignorant either so if i offend anyone here i am very sorry. I just cant live with this on my mined anymore. Its just that tonight at supper my mom was talking about an autistic person that goes to her gym with my step dad and she said there is different "degrees" of autism and the way they brought it up seemed a little random and the way they talked about it was very delicate. It just got my min "racing" again......one of those "clues" i all ways seem to pick up on. Just to add I'm 18 i've always felt immature. Ex. CANNOT for the life of me start a conversation with a girl or ask a girl out, i'm just to damn scared. Theres a lot more to this also i just brought up the more important points. Again thank you for reading....and for those of you think "i'm not touching this with a 10 foot pole", i really need some help here.