The only reason I get occasional pangs of panic about my lack of a career is due to social conditioning. When I think about it, I don't really want a career. A career doesn't really mean anything without the value of what you actually do. You can be a dedicated cleaner and I have absolute respect for that - you are doing a job that very few people would do and show respect for. If you are a lawyer for a big corp to quash class action from people who suffered as a result of negligence, then that has less social value than a cleaner. Most people don't realise this and my understanding of this social conditioning coupled with my need for approval from society make me insecure in this regard.
When you reach a certain age you will not care so much about needing to do certain things that are valued by society. I've reached an age where I don't care about how I look to people. It doesn't mean I let myself go, but I don't dwell on imperfections or dress to trend. Maybe this acceptance will keep progressing.
A career is completely different to a genuine honest interest and hobby in my opinion, because a genuine and honest interst or hobby doesn't involve all the bull!*%@ that jobs involve which ultimatley come down to time, skill, organisation skills and money.
Most jobs I hear the guilt trips to employees of "remember we're paying you for being here". They expect a fast pace and often many mini projects at once are given to you.
For those that do very well in careers they usually are intelligent in a conformist sense, meaning they like to learn about the tasks, want to please the managers and also like to play the game of networking in a business sense. They also tend to learn the business language of dealing with staff and what is correct and incorrect etc. So much crap involved.
I feel like Henry Rollins in that I really do rebel against what doesn't feel right and natural and i usually just feel caged for 8 hours, and i've never gotten my head around the crap that revolves in a regular job, i am usually late and i leave right on the dot, i never stay later unless i have to. Its all about money, supply, demand and that is it. Repetitive tasks every single day and feeling weird around management because there is an obvious culture and showing off of egos that i simply do not care about. Even if the job is the field that i wanted to be in, the novelty of that quickly passes because it is not the same as going to school and learning about that subject or field.
I have worked in a restaurant and everyone there were mesirable and were expected to work at way too fast a pace. it is just not natural.
Then in a trade and it was the same thing again, only i liked the fact that i could be outside and could move around more, and there is down time.
Then i worked for a corporation and its exaclty the same only its not working with hands and expected to be super quick. It is replying to a thousand emails, being given 100 projects at once and you are expected to type it all up and complete it very quickly. But wait a minute........You are just about to finish after weeks and then a meeting is called....They decide to scrap that project and you are then given 3 new important projects to replace it.
Give me a break..its a joke..
Of course i have belief that there is a great job out there waiting for me that will suit me.
