Does your SA operate at a completely "unconscious" or invisible level?

[tooshytosay]

For me anyway I feel that my SA operates at a completely "unconscious" level -

i.e., I don't get all the tell-tale or obvious signs of SA like

- Getting consciously "anxious" before or during a social event
- Blushing / sweating / having panic attacks / shaking

But I know that my SA is "hidden" somewhere deep within me (almost like a ghost controlling me) because:

- I just completely clam up in social situations unless it's with someone I am very, very, very comfortable with.
- I get mind blanks in conversations and I don't know why.
- I want to run away / hide. I don't feel "anxious" - I just want to run away / hide.
- When I speak, my words often come out jumbled up, really quiet / mumbling, not making any sense, or weirdly / inappropriately. Of course I never intended to do that - but the words leave my mouth like that.

The reason I mention this is because so much of what I've read about social anxiety seems to focus on that conscious "anxiety" people feel, or their physical symptoms.

But with me it's not like that. I never really "feel" anxious consciously. Yet I know the anxiety is unconsciously always "there" because I can see how it influences my own behaviour.

Anyone else like this?

 

[*Amy*]

Well, it normally happens the same to me. I can't speak about anything unless I feel really really comfortable with this person, my mind is blank, I can't think of anything suitable to talk about... Anxiety signs only occur to me when I have been thinking a long time about the future situation, or when I most fear that I will mess it up (doing a presentation in front of my class, meeting someone, especially if it's a man...). Well, sometimes they also happen even if I haven't been dreading the situation for a long time, but only if I feel ridiculous in front of people.

 

[Kiwong]

Yes my anxiety has become almost instinctual.

 

[JamieD]

Wow, you described it brilliantly, yes mine is the same. I started to wonder whether i had AvPD or something because i never really get the physical side of the anxiety. Just extreme reluctance and withdrawal from social related things. I guess we've lived with it for so long, it's kind of 're-wired' our brains to think like that. Which is bad, and why it's so hard to break.

 

[vj288]

Yes I think I can say just about everything in your post also applies to me as well, and I tend to think the symptoms are more accurately defined as Avoidant Personality Disorder than Social Anxiety Disorder. You actually did a good job highlighting the difference between the two, with the "obvious" signs being more SA and the "Hidden/Ghost" signs are more AvPD.

 

[Streifen]

I often experience the same issues. I used to experience physical anxiety strongly from age 21 to 23, then somehow after that it stopped, but I still experience "blocks" (mind going blank, etc).

I can talk, joke and run around with the best of them, but find myself wanting for words around people I don't know well. I have an interdental lisp that is barely noticeable at times and thickly bad (at least to me) at other times. It doesn't seem to depend on how dry my mouth is or how I am feeling, but when I can hear it getting worse I get quieter because it's embarrassing to me to have to talk when I'm sure people are noticing it. I've had people mention it to me before.

I also get my words mixed up or say something that was nothing like what I meant. When people correct me, feeling that I didn't understand them, I just let it go now because it feels like a hassle to try to explain over something usually small, but I always think to myself that I've got to find a way to communicate better to avoid misunderstandings.

 

[da_illest101]

i find it's the same thing for me. to add something if i'm in the bus, the mall or a public place, i don't feel a thing, I can think about it but it never caused me any problem, but as soon as I start talking to someone it's like 95% of my intelligence and skills malfunction

 

[PhillyFlyersGrl]

I have to say that sounds like me as well. I figured I had Social Anxiety and Avpd, but maybe it is more AVPD though..

 

[deleted user 1]

I cannot comprehend what it must be like to lack conscious awareness of SA. It would be a blessing! I am very much conscious of it, which makes every detail of everything I say and do even more difficult, as you are second guessing EVERYTING you and other do.

 

[Minty]

Well, it's subconscious for me because I am a positive person. I don't put myself down. When I read about AvPD having to do with extreme low self-esteem my conscious mind is like, "What...? That doesn't make sense at all!" Because consciously, I compliment myself and I genuinely think I'm an okay person. I have a lot of positive traits and my flaws are positive too in that they demonstrate I'm human. So the low self-esteem must be entirely subconscious. And the subconscious, well...it's the reason my flight instinct kicks in when I'm in social situations.

 

[lurknomore]

Yeah, same here- no real "physical" signs, like blushing or panic attacks, occasionally an upset stomach, but I'd say I agree that mine is more Avpd. No real problems being around people in general, but when it's purely for social reasons I clam up, or even if I do manage to talk to some people, it takes forever for me to open up and form even the most casual friendships.

 

[JamieD]

Yea, i'm certainly not free of feeling anxiety. I don't get physical symptoms much. Just that extreme 'mental damper' on everything i do and think.

 

[JamesSmith]

I would think most people with anxiety don't think about how they are anxious, they just are anxious. In my case, I'm always tense, even when I'm alone in my room or sleeping. So I just naturally feel uncomfortable. It's not really in my control, I've been like this as long as I can remember.

 

[PhillyFlyersGrl]

I would say the only physical things I get and have gotten in the past is excessive yawning, feeling like I can't take a deep enough breath and tensing up. But my heart doesn't pound I don't blush and I only had a panic attack a long time ago.

 

[Falkor]

This is a very interesting topic. I'm very self concious around people.
but the unconcious mind could be a trigger too.
I think because we've been through experiences of failure, embarrasment, mistakes, bullying maybe even trauma..
Or being in the center of attention while getting teased of something shameful or anything like that.
Because the unconcious part of the mind is the room of all the memories saved in it. I think SA can be unconciously triggered.

When we notice something is wrong with us, we get self concious about it.
You start wondering if people can see if you are nervous around them.
I think it's a fear deep inside, still hard to discover which is triggering this SA ''thing'' as so described in so many words.
It's a big mistery, still very close answer, if you think of your own personal development in your whole life..
What you have been through and when you think of embarrassing memories.

Oh btw, Maybe we have a more sensetive Amygdala?

About getting anxious out of your unconcious mind, could be true !
Because sometimes we don't even think of getting anxious.
and we get anxious. We are afraid of ''stores'' for example.
So when we see a store , it starts all over again.

But from my experience, I know SA is all about being self concious around people.
But I know our concious mind, is all connected to the unconcious and sub concious

 

[awkwardamanda]

I definitely understand what you're saying. I'm the same way. I don't get a lot of the physical symptoms of anxiety. When I do, it's more of an unreasonable nervousness. Sometimes I'll get a little nauseous anticipating an uncomfortable situation. The worst culprit is the telephone. My heart pounds, I pace around the room, and my stomach turns just thinking about having to make a phone call. But otherwise, it's just a lot of avoidance and feeling uncomfortable. As others have said, it's why I suspect AvPD more than I do SA. In most social situations, I feel uncomfortable and out of place, maybe a little nervous. It doesn't cause me severe anxiety and panic attacks. I normally don't even wish to feel comfortable and be able to mingle and enjoy myself like everyone else. I just don't want to be there. I mostly just procrastinate and avoid doing things I don't want to.

 

[JamieD]

@awkwardamanda: Sounds like Schizoid as a-pose to Avoidance, the difference being Avoidants desire social interaction (but feel incapable) whereas Schizoid means you don't desire it, which you stated in your last 2 sentences. I'm pretty sure i'm Avoidant, because i'd like to be normal and live my life and party it up like most people my age are doing.

 

[awkwardamanda]

@awkwardamanda: Sounds like Schizoid as a-pose to Avoidance, the difference being Avoidants desire social interaction (but feel incapable) whereas Schizoid means you don't desire it, which you stated in your last 2 sentences. I'm pretty sure i'm Avoidant, because i'd like to be normal and live my life and party it up like most people my age are doing.

There's a lot more to it than what I've stated above. I admit, I don't know a lot about schizoid personality disorder, but I will say that I don't completely lack interest in social relationships. In terms of friendships, what I would like most is to have a small group of friends whom I've got some things in common with and enjoy talking to and spending some time with. I don't want a busy and active social life, and I don't particularly desire a close connection with friends or family. In regards to romantic relationships, I would love to feel close to someone, but only with the right sort of person. The possibility that person even exists is slim. I definitely do not want to be needy and desperate and end up with a false sense of security. It would take a lot for me to open up to someone. I tend to keep my emotions hidden. And for what it's worth, I also may have obsessive-compulsive personality disorder.

 

[AsylumSeeker]

Holy Smoke,
I've just read the description of AvPD and that sounds exactly like me. I never thought SA was my thing because I can look people in the eyes and walk through the streets without getting nervous etc. I just feel so damn inadequate all the time. On one hand it is a bit of relief to know that I'm not allone with this. That it is not exactly my fault that I am like I am but that there are so many others as well that it got even a name. On the other side I feel sorry for you other guys, must be a ****ty life.

 

[missjesss]

hmmm sounds like u are dealing with Introversion there...