Do you ever...

[van_sp]

Ignore the phone because it's easier than explaining to your friends why you feel like vegging at home even though you're single and it's Saturday night?
It's St. Patty's Day and half the city is out tonight. So what! Does that mean I'm weird because I'd rather sit at home and read a book and play my guitar?
I don't consider myself an introvert but sometimes I like doing my own thing. Why go out just for the sake of going out? I went out two weeks ago and it cost me a hundred bucks, a nasty hangover, and minor embarrassment.
I don't know how, but I trained my mind to think I'm a loser for staying home or not having a lot of friends.
But part of me doesn't want a lot of friends because it can take up a lot of time to maintain those friendships. Just because I'm single doesn't mean I need to be out all the time...
I was having this conversation in my head so I thought I'd see if anyone ever feels similar.

 

[sphericalmind]

that's almost the exact same situation i'm in. i was thinking about calling some friends earlier but i don't know there's just always this thing that makes me avoid calling people or doing anything. i do enjoy going out every once in a while but sometimes i'd rather be by myself at home doing things like drawing, reading, writing, playing guitar, listening to music or whatever. don't know if any of that makes any sense.

 

[Hopeless]

I do that a lot. I rarely answer the phone on weekends. It's always my friends calling from wherever they are having a good time. Only time I'll answer the phone is if I've been drinking.. lol

LEAVE ME ALONE!! DON'T YOU KNOW I HAVE SOCIAL ANXIETY!

 

[ozkr]

If being alone and staying at home for whatever reason doesn't get in the way of you feeling fine, then you're ok. But if you stay at home and thoughts like "I'm alone ,so what" or "am I an introvert/weird/loser for staying at home?" or "who needs them" keep flying through your mind, then there might something wrong.

I used to think similar things just to make myself feel better (I'm not saying that's your case), but I thought about it and realized that ,at least in my case, I was just denying and hiding my true feelings. If I felt good by being alone, why did I have to repeat that to myself? If I didn't need anyone ,as I always said, why did I feel so lonely?

I also used to think the same thing about friends. Although I don't have friends(at least near me),I realize that I just tried to make them look like a waste of time because I knew this exhausting fear I have of meeting new people would not let me find new ones, and by making them seem like they were not only unimportant, but also a burden I was lucky not to have , I would feel better.

I guess changing my way of thinking doesn't solve my problems or cure my SA, but gives me a better idea of where to start.

Damn it! I'm rambling again!

 

[van_sp]

ozker, you're right. There is some denial happening here. Although I enjoy doing my own thing, I sometimes avoid a phone call or a social invite out of fear.
Tonight I have a cold and felt exhausted so I might not have wanted to go out anyway, but I'm in denial as well. Otherwise I would have answered the phone and told them I was tired and staying in.
Thanks for your replies.

 

[Ospi]

wow its uncanny how well i relate to this. From friday - sunday i never pick up the phone the first time, only if it rings straight away after cus i know then its my parents, i also never show my status on msn as online, always appear offline and only talk to those i know wont want to or are to far away to want to go out for the night.

Sad thing is, whenever i do go out i feel good, i have a good time and i think to myself "have i finally gotten over SA". But sure enough by the next night im back to my usual SA self, its overwhelming.

Just to add insult to injury, all my mates are thinking of going sky diving in 2 weeks on a saturday, and that alone is something iv always wanted to do, but you know what gets my SA going? not the skydiving itself but knowing they are going to want to go out that night drinking and stuff, and thats what i have huge problems with.

Argh so frustrating.

 

[hamandcheese]

Great post!

I really identify with this as well. I have such a dislocation between knowing the social life I actually want and the social life I accuse myself of shying away from because of SA.

I really dislike going out to pubs and drinking but I've no idea to what extent it's because of anxiety or because I legitimately don't like these things because they're not for me.

I'm not introverted but I don't feel the need to have a huge social life either. At the same time I know I've been avoiding crowded pubs because of anxiety and my social life has suffered a lot.

Right now I'm actually stuck in a situation where I don't know if it's my personality saying that I don't like going to pubs or whether it's my anxiety.