Do parents think that by forcing social situations us they're actually helping us?

[darkrider]

It seems all my life my mother insists that this is just some dumb behaviour pattern I have and that the reason I'm like this today is because I'm spoonfed everything.

So the other day we're coming back from a drive and I asked to stop off for some fast food. So anyway my mom hands me the money and obviously my reaction was "Mom I'm not going". So she starts quarreling with me and keeps telling me "I don't know when you will stop being afraid of people" which pisses me off everytime she says that.

So in the end she said to be 'You don't wanna help yourself, then fine let's go home" And I'm like 'Ok".

I quite frankly don't give a damn. I could have waited 30 minutes to reach to grab a sandwich or something. My mom thinks that if she forces me to go out there and socialize it'll help me. All it really does is give me panic attacks.

 

[*Amy*]

Well, on the one hand, I understand what you say on the matter that parents always think they know what is better for you, and sometimes they are wrong. But on the other hand, you will never overcome your fears if you avoid your anxiety-provoking situations. So I think you should begin with an easy level and then go farther... it is the only way to get out of this.

 

[Steppen-Wolf]

Forcing someone with SA to socialize never helps, but you also need to understand that is very difficult to comprehend what you feel for someone that doesn't suffer from SA.

Parents are, after all, just regular people but we place rather high expectations on them in regards to their job as parents.

My advice would be to try to make an allie of your mother, instead of an enemy that only causes you more anxiety with this sort of situations, try to explain to her your situation and make a compromise. She should stop trying to push you to do things that you don't want, but at the same time you should start facing some small social situations every now and then by your own will.

I know things became a lot easier at home for me a couple of years back when I opened up to my parents.

 

[BlackPuma]

I totally get what you mean. People forcing you into social environment doesn't help at all.

The trick is to, eventually, force yourself to go into social environments. Some people with social phobia can do that right away, but the majority will probably need to build some kind of positive philosophical/psychological foundation before they can summon the courage to do such a thing (which is totally fine, by the way). The latter is how I did it.

I also agree with Steppen-Wolf, though. At the moment your parents are the biggest social influence you have. And if that influence is a negative one, that's not going to help you. If it's possible, I'd suggest that you discuss the matter more openly with them, and also discuss a plan on how you want to handle it. Not having dealt with the problem themselves, and therefore being oblivious to the mental process behind social anxieties, forcing is the only way they know how to help.

And that's important to remember; No matter how hurtful, they're still trying to help. Inform- and utilize them to your best possibility.

 

[darkrider]

Yeah well to my mom SA doesn't exist and she thinks I'm just making excuses for my stupidity.

If she won't believe there's actually a thing called SA and it isn't just me acting like a retard in public, how am I going to explain to her that i think I may have Asperger Syndrome. key word is think i just recently found out bout it and I kind of display more than 4 of the symptoms.