Hi, last few months i was very confused.. I started to notice some things about myself so I reaserched the internet a bit and I think I have OCD. I am asking for help here because I'm afraid to go to psychiatrist because she might think that I'm exaggerating or that I just want attention.
The first thing that I do is that I repeat routines very very often, like i have to touch a person or thing two or four times until it just feels right to me or when I eat food like macaroni on my fork has to be like two or four macaroni. The second thing is that bad thoughts and images enter my mind. (This has happened before when i was very young, like 4 or 5 years old and didn't stop for a long time) The first thoughts are the worst one, in that one I imagine my mom,dad or brother dead (I just feel so afraid even to write about this right now) like that they are very violently killed or sth like that and every time that happens i start to cry and i pray to God that he makes the bad thoughts go away but they just don't and I just want to go to sleep and I'm so afraid.. The other thoughts are the ones that i have every single day like i imagine violent things or even death happen to the closest people to me, like they get beaten up to death, or shot with a gun or stabbed with a knife or they just die and there is alooot of blood and I hate it.. And I don't know if this has anything to do with OCD but i bite the skin around my nails a lot, and by that I mean that my whole fingers are bloody, ugly and bitten.. I do this almost every hour. There was a time when I even did that with my whole hands and I sometimes cut off (don't bite) skin from my feet. And when i walk (this thing makes me very very nervous and i HATE it) when I'm walking my left foot has to walk on cracks on the sidewalk but my right foot can't or else i get really annoyed, when my right foot does accidentally step on a crack I have to step with my left foot on many more cracks so that my feet and I can feel stable again so I look like an idiot doing that and there are people watching me do it on the streets and thinking wtf? and there's like this thing I do for example shoes on the floor, they all have to be in a perfect line but when one is not i just need to fix it or it will make me nervous again and sometime before i go to sleep i have to check things like is the stove turned off, or is the door closed, I even go to my little brothers room to check if he's breathing and only then I can go to sleep or out in town.I like even numbers because odd numbers get me annoyed and nervous.
Anyway there are many other examples and things that I do but I'm just very confused and I don't know what to do so I'm asking for advice or help. Just tell me is this OCD or not. Maybe I'm just a bad or a freaking weird person.. Pls help, thank you.
The first thing that I do is that I repeat routines very very often, like i have to touch a person or thing two or four times until it just feels right to me or when I eat food like macaroni on my fork has to be like two or four macaroni. The second thing is that bad thoughts and images enter my mind. (This has happened before when i was very young, like 4 or 5 years old and didn't stop for a long time) The first thoughts are the worst one, in that one I imagine my mom,dad or brother dead (I just feel so afraid even to write about this right now) like that they are very violently killed or sth like that and every time that happens i start to cry and i pray to God that he makes the bad thoughts go away but they just don't and I just want to go to sleep and I'm so afraid.. The other thoughts are the ones that i have every single day like i imagine violent things or even death happen to the closest people to me, like they get beaten up to death, or shot with a gun or stabbed with a knife or they just die and there is alooot of blood and I hate it.. And I don't know if this has anything to do with OCD but i bite the skin around my nails a lot, and by that I mean that my whole fingers are bloody, ugly and bitten.. I do this almost every hour. There was a time when I even did that with my whole hands and I sometimes cut off (don't bite) skin from my feet. And when i walk (this thing makes me very very nervous and i HATE it) when I'm walking my left foot has to walk on cracks on the sidewalk but my right foot can't or else i get really annoyed, when my right foot does accidentally step on a crack I have to step with my left foot on many more cracks so that my feet and I can feel stable again so I look like an idiot doing that and there are people watching me do it on the streets and thinking wtf? and there's like this thing I do for example shoes on the floor, they all have to be in a perfect line but when one is not i just need to fix it or it will make me nervous again and sometime before i go to sleep i have to check things like is the stove turned off, or is the door closed, I even go to my little brothers room to check if he's breathing and only then I can go to sleep or out in town.I like even numbers because odd numbers get me annoyed and nervous.
Anyway there are many other examples and things that I do but I'm just very confused and I don't know what to do so I'm asking for advice or help. Just tell me is this OCD or not. Maybe I'm just a bad or a freaking weird person.. Pls help, thank you.
Last edited: