sullyS25
Well-known member
Let me start by saying I am not here to insult anyone by stating what I think, it is just been my personal experience as someone who suffers from Social Anxiety. Basically I think it comes down to selfishness because I am always thinking about how I come off to other people....I am constantly worried about what others think of ME and constantly thinking about MYSELF. When someone treats me bad I automatically think it was MY fault and barely ever stop to think that they might be suffering from something themselves...I believe this is a problem of selfishness and the ego for me....I will explain why later but if you would like to respond explaining why YOU don't believe YOU are selfish and don't feel like reading about someone else's experience, I would love to hear other opinions... I apologize in advanced for the length and am pretty sure no one will read below but if you do, I appreciate it.
Recently I have been struggling as the result of letting my guard down and getting close to a girl I met while out here in Spain. After we met, we were talking every day through text message or meeting up and hanging out....When I started feeling vulnerable and the typical symptoms of this came out I explained to her why because I trusted her....She continued to talk to me and restored the idea that I could trust somebody and show who I really am without putting up walls as a way of defending myself from mental attack....About a month ago, things changed. She stopped sending me as many texts as she said that she was being charged too much and out of 170 texts sent in one month, 160 were sent to me....That is believable...SMS in spain seems to be quite expensive....then a week went by and we hadn't hung out.....so I started getting critical of myself....to make a long story short, I haven't seen her in over two weeks, which is a huge change from almost every other day and naturally I immediately jump to conclusions about it being because of something I did....or that I am just not deserving of her....or that she found another dude that is better than ME.....
The reason I tell this story is because i finally reached the tipping point and told her that if she didn't want to talk anymore that she should just tell me instead of leading me on because she didn't want to hurt me....she assured me that wasn't the case, that she had been really busy and that she really did want to see me....
One day after meditating, I started to feel really sad for her and the things I had said to her....I could feel it on a physical level, the empty stomach and so on....Then I realized that she had told me numerous times how her mother and grandma always tell her she should get on antidepressants, then I remember seeing a box of homeopathic medicine that supposedly helps you become happy....I also noticed that before she stopped talking to me like she used to, she started smoking a lot more pot or hash.....The typical signs of depression were all over this girl and it took me 2 months to notice
The thought never occurred to me that she might be struggling herself because I was so caught up in Myself. What I did or said that was wrong or what it is about my personality that she doesn't like or whatever....and that is why I believe this is all about selfish for me.....
That is one story but it can be applied to all social aspects of my life....I am afraid of big groups because I assume I will do something to make myself look stupid.....I assume that I am so important that everyone's attention is on ME when in reality they are probably just concerned about themselves or not paying attention to me....the list goes on and on and I believe it comes down to me being selfish....
Recently I have been struggling as the result of letting my guard down and getting close to a girl I met while out here in Spain. After we met, we were talking every day through text message or meeting up and hanging out....When I started feeling vulnerable and the typical symptoms of this came out I explained to her why because I trusted her....She continued to talk to me and restored the idea that I could trust somebody and show who I really am without putting up walls as a way of defending myself from mental attack....About a month ago, things changed. She stopped sending me as many texts as she said that she was being charged too much and out of 170 texts sent in one month, 160 were sent to me....That is believable...SMS in spain seems to be quite expensive....then a week went by and we hadn't hung out.....so I started getting critical of myself....to make a long story short, I haven't seen her in over two weeks, which is a huge change from almost every other day and naturally I immediately jump to conclusions about it being because of something I did....or that I am just not deserving of her....or that she found another dude that is better than ME.....
The reason I tell this story is because i finally reached the tipping point and told her that if she didn't want to talk anymore that she should just tell me instead of leading me on because she didn't want to hurt me....she assured me that wasn't the case, that she had been really busy and that she really did want to see me....
One day after meditating, I started to feel really sad for her and the things I had said to her....I could feel it on a physical level, the empty stomach and so on....Then I realized that she had told me numerous times how her mother and grandma always tell her she should get on antidepressants, then I remember seeing a box of homeopathic medicine that supposedly helps you become happy....I also noticed that before she stopped talking to me like she used to, she started smoking a lot more pot or hash.....The typical signs of depression were all over this girl and it took me 2 months to notice
The thought never occurred to me that she might be struggling herself because I was so caught up in Myself. What I did or said that was wrong or what it is about my personality that she doesn't like or whatever....and that is why I believe this is all about selfish for me.....
That is one story but it can be applied to all social aspects of my life....I am afraid of big groups because I assume I will do something to make myself look stupid.....I assume that I am so important that everyone's attention is on ME when in reality they are probably just concerned about themselves or not paying attention to me....the list goes on and on and I believe it comes down to me being selfish....