ill start this off by saying im 34 years old, about to turn 35, live in iowa...my entire life i have lived with APD amongst other things..i always knew something was very off with me but didnt know what....growing up i never had much ambition or motivation to do much of anything, i was always full of angst and confusion...i trudged through school and barely graduated high school...i never looked for a job but thru family i was offered them so i lucked out and got a job working for the postal service...i make solid money but could make more but that would mean more socializing which i cant do...the 40 hour work week and the socializing i do now just exhausts me and by weeks end i need saturday and sunday just to recoup enough to go back on monday and it all over again..
i was never really picked on growing up, always above average at sports, was considered good looking by girls growing up but relationships always felt like an absolute impossible thing to me... girls didnt get it and neither did i but i knew deep down inside i didnt have what it takes to sustain a relationship for any length of time.
i started reading about PDs about 5-6 years ago and then sought help and was prescribed many different ssris and benzos and some helped but they all came with side effects.so it was a constant yo yo effect with drugs so i got off them..i tried therapy for 2-3 years but it only helped slightly..now i have finally decided to manage my life through exercise, some alcohol and caffeine use.this combo works as well as any ssri i went on..
so here i am at 34 and i see my life as a wasteland..im to the point where i can socialize but only for small amounts of time, it exhausts me..i can barely keep friendships intact, just barely and only because i have friends that go out of their way to gdrag me places but they are getting fed up with it..romantic relationships just arent going to happen, i have tried, they go nowhere fast, i simply cant keep up so its pointless..so i work, have a few hobbies i somewhat enjoy and the rest of the time i spend tired and haunted by all the wasted time..that is my life really.ugghh, it hurts to think about it..
anyone else the same way?in the same position as me, age wise?
i look back and think of the lost chances both when it comes to relationships and life experiences...
i was never really picked on growing up, always above average at sports, was considered good looking by girls growing up but relationships always felt like an absolute impossible thing to me... girls didnt get it and neither did i but i knew deep down inside i didnt have what it takes to sustain a relationship for any length of time.
i started reading about PDs about 5-6 years ago and then sought help and was prescribed many different ssris and benzos and some helped but they all came with side effects.so it was a constant yo yo effect with drugs so i got off them..i tried therapy for 2-3 years but it only helped slightly..now i have finally decided to manage my life through exercise, some alcohol and caffeine use.this combo works as well as any ssri i went on..
so here i am at 34 and i see my life as a wasteland..im to the point where i can socialize but only for small amounts of time, it exhausts me..i can barely keep friendships intact, just barely and only because i have friends that go out of their way to gdrag me places but they are getting fed up with it..romantic relationships just arent going to happen, i have tried, they go nowhere fast, i simply cant keep up so its pointless..so i work, have a few hobbies i somewhat enjoy and the rest of the time i spend tired and haunted by all the wasted time..that is my life really.ugghh, it hurts to think about it..
anyone else the same way?in the same position as me, age wise?
i look back and think of the lost chances both when it comes to relationships and life experiences...