Depression driving me insane

[darkrider]

Ok never would I have thought I would get like this. But the truth is the past 2 years I've been hurting a lot on the inside but I just don't wanna tell anyone. My emotions have been building up over some time and I feel like just screaming. My head often hurts and I find myself just lying down on the couch pondering all day long.

When I do cry out for help in the form of holding my head acting as if I'm a crazy person no one takes me serious and think its all an act. How the heck can I fake pain? I've been through **** all my life but I never succumb to it. I always brushed it off, keep my head held high and kept on going strong. But like I've said the last 2 years I've gotten weak and I just feel like I'm going to explode.

Have had SA from day one. Ever since I known myself I have always been shy, socially awkward etc. I cry out for help and no one takes me on. No one in my family takes the time to talk to me about my SA

I don't go out. I haven't gone out in 4 years now. I'm a very lonely person. I spend my entire weekends and vacations at home 24/7. The people I really talk to are my mom and my sister. Well whenever my sister is home. She's and year and a half younger than me and has been to more places than I have and even has more friends than me. I try to talk to her but 9 out of 10 times she neglects be to go out with her friends. My mom and I get along great. But never wants to talk about my SA experiences. She just keeps saying "When will you stop being so stupid around people" but seriously, she's not a mean person. Like I said we're really close.

My sister on the other hand, I question if she even cares about me. She's always too busy with her friends to talk me.

I lost track where I was lol. See there I go again trying to make a joke out of my bad experiences in life. I just feel angry at myself for reaching this point. I never, ever thought I'd go through depression and just spend my entire day feeling lonely, useless and unwanted.

 

[Ryguy2598]

Although my depression and loneliness isn't quite as bad as yours, I know what you feel. I too ponder thoughts about how lonely I am or how I hardly have any social life (I have 2 friends that I barely hang out with). I get angry at myself as well for letting myself get to this point....after all, it is my fault. Who else could I blame for my own life? It's depressing.....being cooped up in your house on weekends when you know about all the fun other people are having. You feel like a weirdo and an outcast...and as the loneliness and depression continues, things only get worse. So what I suggest is to do things to combat your loneliness and depression. Go out and do things w/ whoever you can or even alone.....just going out for a walk on a nice day can help. It's better than laying on the couch pondering those thoughts....Just hang in there and, like I said, combat w/ it. Don't cage yourself in those feelings.

 

[Beatrice]

I know just what you mean I've been pretty seriously depressed and lonely for over a year now. I've felt worthless more often than I care to think about. I've held on because I feel that there may be hope, I don't want to hurt my family, and I'm just plain scared to try to off myself. But I know what it feels like. If you ever need to talk you can always send me a message.

 

[kay361]

You might as well just call me Pill Pusher but I truly believe in the effectiveness of medication in getting you "over the hump." Everyone is different and for some people therapy can be very effective, but in my experience, therapists get dropped in the same category as dentists and vets. "I think you should come see me twice a week." Uh, no... A good friend or close relative who will just listen without judging is much better IMHO. And I also believe faith and belief are the best medicines of all. But therapy is just a crock IMHO. (I don't think my opinion is very humble though, lol.) I would read a self-help book before I went to a therapist. Anyway... Back to medication. You name an antidepressant, I've probably been on it at some point. They all work differently for different people. Some have bad side effects, some are hard to get off of, etc. So it's important to do your research and also to find a good doctor who knows how to find the right medicine for you, sees the medicine as a temporary fix, and knows how to get you off with relative ease. This is tricky to find a doctor like this because just interviewing someone will not work. That's why I've had to become my own doctor and kindly make suggestions to my doctor. lol Prozac is now what I'm on and I would suggest to anyone because it is pretty easy to get off of since it has a long half-life. It also has milder side effects compared to other medications, and it's dirt cheap. I get a 90 day supply at Target for $10 without insurance, and no membership fees to pay like at Walgreens. If I'm in the darkest of depressions, then Effexor is the holy grail, but I gain so much weight on it and I have to be on a low dose or I start going manic. It's also incredibly expensive.

 

[marielb]

i know exactly how you feel.i have had sa all my life,had no friends since i was 13 and have not left the house for 4 years.in the past couple of years i have been really depressed.i am eventually starting to gget help with medication but none seem to work.whenever you feel lonely just come on this site im sure youll find some help and reassurance xx

 

[bennos]

I hate my condition/disorder. All I do is surf the net and be on the computer in my spare time. It's not even anything important, the stuff I look at, usually just what I'm thinking of at the time.