LittleMissMuffet
Well-known member
How many of you can relate to this story.....?
One thing that I noticed today is how much anxiety is a family problem for me. Despite being the only one to come-out with officially having anxiety, it is a problem that has festered in my family for at least 3 generations.
IT's usually like that. Not only is is genetically inherited -for me this is true- but along with this you also grow up exposed to this mood and way of thinking being around you. So it seems like having two loads to carry, that of your genes and the influence of family.
I had to visit the doctor today with my mother. She was in a very agitated mood. It is difficult because such a state rubs off on others, and this is more the case when one has their own anxiety to deal with.
At one stage, I was lining-up to withdraw money from an ATM and standing there, I caught how not only does she often take with her a state of anxious brooding (she becomes so wrapped-up in her problems that she even forgets basic grooming) but she also sometimes takes out her own insecurities and obsessive worries on me. I caught her eyeing me with such scrutiny -watching my every move with critical appraisal. She was literally judging my worth and performance.
And the thing is, that she does this regularly. SHe does it to all her children. And perhaps this in part is why both my brother and me are dealing with anxiety issues.
I don't blame her for all my problems. I do however notice that it doesn't make things easier when a member of your family, especially a parent, influences the growth a a problem or particular negative approach. And she is so wrapped-up in herself she obviosuly is unaware of what effect she has on me.
I honestly try to forgive her. To observe how similar she is to me in her self-absorption. I just also note how hard it is to do this 'thinking of others' when it comes to people in ones family. The load seems that much heavier for some reason.
Maybe it is like Jesus said: "A man's worst enemies will be the members of his own family."
I find that I need to take time out from her as her inner tension is too easily spread to me -and as we all know, I already have a problem with inner tension.
One last thing: how many 28 year olds still get corrected in public by their parents? My mother did this to me over the most trivial and insignificant "mistake" -being that it wasn't even a mistake. She was simply acting out in accordance with her critical evaluation on my performance.
I won't take the scapegoat and blame the generation before me. ANd I do have a wisdom about how to go about seeing such problems -being that to see a shared problem is the only way to be free of others effecting you negatively. It is hard though -more so, I think, when it comes to one's parents. (It is easier to forgive strangers than it is to distance oneself from one's parents)
I supposed that I cannot change her of bring her to a realisation of her own problems. BUt in the meantime, because I am not strong enough to share the load for both of us, I decline her offers to stay out shopping for longer than is necessary.
I'd like to be able to carry her load as well as mine -then I know I would be cured. At the moment, I'm not this strong yet. And I feel the need to not be around her as much in public.
One thing that I noticed today is how much anxiety is a family problem for me. Despite being the only one to come-out with officially having anxiety, it is a problem that has festered in my family for at least 3 generations.
IT's usually like that. Not only is is genetically inherited -for me this is true- but along with this you also grow up exposed to this mood and way of thinking being around you. So it seems like having two loads to carry, that of your genes and the influence of family.
I had to visit the doctor today with my mother. She was in a very agitated mood. It is difficult because such a state rubs off on others, and this is more the case when one has their own anxiety to deal with.
At one stage, I was lining-up to withdraw money from an ATM and standing there, I caught how not only does she often take with her a state of anxious brooding (she becomes so wrapped-up in her problems that she even forgets basic grooming) but she also sometimes takes out her own insecurities and obsessive worries on me. I caught her eyeing me with such scrutiny -watching my every move with critical appraisal. She was literally judging my worth and performance.
And the thing is, that she does this regularly. SHe does it to all her children. And perhaps this in part is why both my brother and me are dealing with anxiety issues.
I don't blame her for all my problems. I do however notice that it doesn't make things easier when a member of your family, especially a parent, influences the growth a a problem or particular negative approach. And she is so wrapped-up in herself she obviosuly is unaware of what effect she has on me.
I honestly try to forgive her. To observe how similar she is to me in her self-absorption. I just also note how hard it is to do this 'thinking of others' when it comes to people in ones family. The load seems that much heavier for some reason.
Maybe it is like Jesus said: "A man's worst enemies will be the members of his own family."
I find that I need to take time out from her as her inner tension is too easily spread to me -and as we all know, I already have a problem with inner tension.
One last thing: how many 28 year olds still get corrected in public by their parents? My mother did this to me over the most trivial and insignificant "mistake" -being that it wasn't even a mistake. She was simply acting out in accordance with her critical evaluation on my performance.
I won't take the scapegoat and blame the generation before me. ANd I do have a wisdom about how to go about seeing such problems -being that to see a shared problem is the only way to be free of others effecting you negatively. It is hard though -more so, I think, when it comes to one's parents. (It is easier to forgive strangers than it is to distance oneself from one's parents)
I supposed that I cannot change her of bring her to a realisation of her own problems. BUt in the meantime, because I am not strong enough to share the load for both of us, I decline her offers to stay out shopping for longer than is necessary.
I'd like to be able to carry her load as well as mine -then I know I would be cured. At the moment, I'm not this strong yet. And I feel the need to not be around her as much in public.