Being the "kind" one brings out the WORST in peopl

[Reholla]

I have just been realizing..or maybe i feel like I am the only person this happens to, but i feel like people show me their WORST sides.

I have been going to my therapist for months now...and overall i like him. At least, I know he has good intentions and is trying to help me. Even though sometimes i think he thinks im a nut. (not really...but he will laugh at my stories- and yeah they are supposed to be funny.. for example, i got in an accident and got a 4th degree sprain (my ankle was huge- kankles dont even describe it)...and i was telling him how when i went to my doctor i told him to just amputate it!!! lol... i was totally not serious. but later my therapist was like, now do you still think you should amputate your foot? so even though he laughs, im still like i know you think im crazy. oh well. me and my best friend were just always like that. free spirited...

anyway, one time i was talking to him, and he just randomly said, "people pick on you because you are a nice person..."
He's also, told me before, "where did you learn to get such a backbone?!"
so i know he doesnt think im a pushover.
He has also said, "standing up for yourself is a very important and great quality for a woman to have..." which made me feel good. But that first comment he made, i have seriously thought about in life situations so much lately!

Just EVERYday situations. People make things so complicated and word things in these weird ways, and im like 'yeah thats what I said"...its really annoying. and maybe it happens to other people too. i tell my parents stuff like this but they are like, you need to be less sensitive.

But my view is, I treat people, LIKE PEOPLE. I treat them how i want to be treated, and I treat them well. If they don't show respect, I lose it. I have no patience for that.

Like today...I just got out of class and was going by Schlotzkys to get lunch on the go, I had a doctors appt. for my sprain after at 1pm. Anyways, this is exactly what i said, "hi, i'd like a thai chicken pizza and can i get that with no nuts?" and the guy was like "well theres nuts in the sauce we put on the pizza"...and i said "well can i please get them taken off?" (I have been to this same restaurant and ordered the same thing w/ NO NUTS i know it is possible) and he said, "like i already TOLD you, they are in the sauce." (RUDE). And i explained, actually, I have been to this location before and gotten this very order, WITH NO NUTS, so it would be great if you could just take them off."
Then he goes, "are you allergic?"
And i look at him puzzled like WHAT, WHY...
And the stupid nosy woman next to me goes, "oh he doesnt want you to go into shock or anything!"
So i just smile at her in that "thanks for your UNWANTED opinion" way...
and was like, "All i know is, next to Thai Chicken, there is a yellow warning sign w/ nuts.. I do not WANT them to add nuts alright?"
OMG seriously...Im like lets make life complicated??!?! Do you not have enough drama in your life, why are you acting this way.
Is it really necessary, do you need my whole medical history in order for me to tell you whether i want f***n peanuts on my pizza or not.

AND this is ONE example. I have this crap happen EVERY day...with SMALL situations and BIG situations like this.

I'm not trying to sound all like a great person, but on my facebook account, theres this stupid app. called "compare people" and its where your friends vote for you on qualities. Well i am #1 kindest out of my 800 friends, meaning i won that 100% out of the people who have voted for me. I know a lot of people on here are probably known to be kind too, most people with SA are very sensitive and usually dont disrespect other people. I know i respect people, and can be pleasant...so what i dont get is how if I am having all these issues w/ people being jackasses, how other people MUST be having them...

And like my therapist said, people pick on me because i am a nice person...people use me as their punching bag i feel like. They figure, oh shes nice, she probably has a good life/self esteem, she can handle it. It's like well guess what- i have feelings too. And when everyone and their dog treats me like this i get SICK OF IT.

do yall know what i am saying? does this happen to yall?

p.s. leave stories if you have them.
I have PLENTY more where those came from..

 

[Reholla]

OKAY, i LIKE that you said "dont take it personal" having said that..


ummm...

you dont know me. so dont tell me i have low confidence. yeah you can really tell thru the computer if i have low self esteem. my therapist has known me for years- he is a collegue w/ my parents, and i have seen him in sessions for months now.

whats more likely. me having low conifdence and letting people walk all over me. or people just being jackasses/hating their jobs and life.
well i know myself, and if you read the things my therapist said he asked me "how did you get such a backbone?!" some of my best friends, when talking about a situation w/ a guy i like and i was asking their opinion on if i should make a "move" or not-- they said "you are so confident about everything else in your life, why cant you just be confident about this?"
so no, i dont have problems with that. im telling you, people see KIND people and just jump on them and take their crappy lives out on them.

I like how you act like Dr. Phil (catch the sarcasm?) if you are really an SA sufferer you have to have problems with this.

ARE THERE ANY OTHER OPINIONS ON THIS- OR PERSONAL EXPERIENCE SOME ONES WILLING TO SHARE..?

 

[Reholla]

also, I voice opinions ALL THE TIME...

and yeah people know when im pissed.

my friend and i were driving, and i was like "why didnt you honk your horn at the moron that just cut you off?!"

and my friend was like "sorry but when im about to die i don't think about honking my horn!"

and i was like, "well i do! because if i die, i want that person to know that i was PISSED..."

that is me ... so that little "stereotype" or category your trying to put me in is dead wrong

 

[Reholla]

ANDDD...you said "dont take it personally" BUT "think of yourself more"???!!?? so HOW DOES THAT WORK

i dont know if this advice was supposed to make it better, but its accusing me of things i didnt even bring up, so it really doesnt...

 

[freestylemonster]

Damn you weren`t very kind to IcarusUnderWater in your last post lol. But like he said the guy at the pizza place could just really hate his job and be crabby because of that..People won`t be mean or rude to you just because you`re nice. They`re probably always like that with everyone. I`m guessing it`s not your fault for being nice. I`m nice to people all the time and in turn they`re usually nice to me.

 

[Reholla]

woooww i dont think ive ever been called a noob in my life- congratulations you are the first.

im not saying im uber confident, but i definitely dont have problems with confidence. also, i know a lot of confident people- my beauty queen professor, for one- who shares with us countless stories about inappropriate/rude scenarios shes been in. i think of her as being verry confident.

the difference is, confident people are SECURE enough w/ themselves to share crap like this. These kind of situations happen to everyone whether you admit it or not. people who dont "bring up stuff like this" are the ones too insecure to admit it. im sorry but that would SUCK not to be able to vent about stuff like this b/c it happens EVERY day.

my whole reason for writing this is that its happened MORE lately- and i just wanted people to be able to share if they had similar experiences.

 

[Reholla]

Damn you weren`t very kind to IcarusUnderWater in your last post lol. But like he said the guy at the pizza place could just really hate his job and be crabby because of that..People won`t be mean or rude to you just because you`re nice. They`re probably always like that with everyone. I`m guessing it`s not your fault for being nice. I`m nice to people all the time and in turn they`re usually nice to me.

lol...yeah...i tend to agree with you. it would MAKE SENSE that if you are nice to some one they should be nice back right?!

ok well heres another story i have for this scenario...

i was in an accident about 2 weeks ago. I was rushed to the hospital and had injuries like: jaw mouth aching/being sore, i had an armsling, 4th degree sprained ankle ( the WORST you can get...the tendons ruptured completely), and cuts from the glass, bruises from the seatbelt. anyway, i WENT TO CLASS THE NEXT DAY. i took off work that week, but still had school. And i walk in my professors classroom, and i could tell she was thinking like, what happened to you!...so i was like "yeah, i got in a car accident yesterday...and explained how it happened, and my injuries and stuff. And this lady (is like hyper active, hypersensitive, puts on this "perky patty" act, but isnt), she goes, "well you dont LOOK like youve been in a car accident! I mean, usually people have scars and bruises all over them!!" (my bruises were on my hips from my seatbelt and you couldnt see them, and my scars were covered by my arm sling). And i just go "Yeah...I was REAL fortunate!!!" And then i asked her where another chair was i could use to prop my foot up. And she was like all "oh here, in the front, use this one..." and then i was trying to be friendly and asked her about this seinfeld reference she had told us to ask her after class about.. so her reaction was definitely not what i expected, but i thought, maybe she meant like i look pretty good and not banged up for having been in a wreck.
Then class starts. We have about 60 people in our class. So shes teaching...and she was asking us "what would we SEE (not hear) but see if we were being respectful to some one." And i raised my hand and said "you would see a pleasant facial expression.." And she was like "you need to be more specific than THAT..." i was trying to think, and she was like class, can yall help us out here..? and no one else could either.
***GET THIS:
after no one answers her, she proceeds to come over where i am sitting, she pulls the chair out from underneath my INJURED foot, and sits down right in front of me. THEN-- she starts making these horrible facial expressions at me....she goes "does THIS LOOK pleasant to you?!" And i go "ohh...no!" and then she changes and TRIES to look pleasant and goes how about this?! and i just shook my head.

OKAY YOU CANT TELL ME SHE WASNT MAKING IT PERSONAL...
the first response talked about taking things personally. Well look what this lady did!!! How can i NOT take that personal when she CLEARLY was. it was ridiculous. honestly i couldnt believe it was happening. It was as if she was trying to say, look , i dont believe you that you got in a car wreck, and she was basically mocking me. I mean i honestly could not believe what she did.

What is weird is, our presentation group was the first to go this semester. we have to teach the class for 50mins. And she like really encouraged me, and in the middle of my speaking part she liked what i said about something (i used one of her catch phrases) and she goes "oh that deserves a honk!" lol...its a phrase we use when we like something some one says. And then, the next week after we presented, i was just at my desk, and she comes up and was like, "i pulled youtube up so you can show us that video now!"...i was like "oh i didnt know you were serious about it.." and she was like "ohh yeahh!!! come show us!" i told her earlier how i could decide between doing a skit with our group, or this dance.. we ended up doing the skit, but she apparently remembered about the song. And she was just like "ok class... and then she looks at me and goes, alright explain to them about your song!" so i explained, and she goes, ohh isnt that just so wonderful!!

So anyway, i am just saying this to say, we had a good relationship until that point. I did nothing to disrespect her, and can you believe she did that in front of the class like that, making such a spectacle?!?!

Welll... it got better. because my dad was at the same luncheon she was at and she came up to him. And she was like "ohhh i hear you are voting for so and so (im not going to get political here). but she was like, well i am too and we need to stick together!" My dad was like yeahh...and she was all asking about my mom to him. And then my dad said, "yeah and i hear you are teaching our daughter!" ahgahahaha she had NO IDEA we were related!!!!!!!!!!! Ok so, before this, i had emailed her - this is what i said:

I am a little discouraged about my exam grade. I went to the review session and everything your TA Jessie put on, and felt like I knew the material better than that. I really aim for A's or B's and am wondering if I should drop your class.

This was my way of saying, uhh i might stay in your class and try if you would treat me with respect.

Anyway, she doesnt respond until AFTER she talked to my dad and found out who i was. so she was ALL miss perky again after that- she wrote:

You are such an active participant in class and seem to be enjoying it, and I would hate to see you drop due only to a C on the first exam.
By the way, I had no idea you were John and Nancy's daughter. Your parents are two very special people that I admire a great deal! I ran into them during a luncheon at the SUB today, and we had a nice visit.

LOL.........and EVER SINCE she has been almost sucking up to me...what a difference knowing your parents makes.

its so ridiculous. this is what im talking about.

i have never been more disrespected in my life than in her class. and, i was being nice...

 

[noblame4]

Why did you get so offended? Icarus wasnt exactly going out on a limb assuming you're not awesomly confident. This is a social anxiety forum. Shit confidence is a given here.

Also, people who ask for special service at fast food places and bistros, no matter how nice, should not expect to have employees be really happy to see them. I worked in fast food for 2+ years and working long difficult hours on your feet dealing with the public for minimum wage makes it hard to stay enthusiastic. (Check out waiterrant.net sometime) Having someone come in and order "I want that pizza that comes with the nut-scauce, but I want you to pick out the nuts first before you give it to me. Please." is always going to be -no offense- REALLY annoying and will probably get a -totally not personal- flippant attitude from any self-respecting service person.

So, uh. That's what that was all about.

 

[Reholla]

lol...whatever. the guy i was talking to was getting paid for being polite and taking my order.

i went in that same restaurant the previous week and had NO PROBLEMS with this, so this guy wanted to make it a lot more complicated than it had to have been.

also, read my second story if you want to talk about disrespect.

 

[noblame4]

They get paid to make food that's ON THE MENU, they do NOT get paid to be your own personal chef. Last week, whoever picked the nuts out probably spit in it. Just so you know.

Also, I think it's funny how you sound off about disrespect and turn around and go off on Icarus. Pot. Kettle. Black.

 

[Danfalc]

also, I voice opinions ALL THE TIME...

Maybe thats why you get picked on? People who tend to always state there opinion often get flack for just having an opinion.Not saying your not a nice person... but nice people tend to get picked on if they get seen as weak or an easy target.. which doesnt sound like you if you say you dont really have confidence issues and arnt afraid to let people know how you feel.

And you do always get idiots or people just having a bad day,maybe your reading into some of these events a bit too much i dunno

 

[Danfalc]

dealing with the public for minimum wage makes it hard to stay enthusiastic.

:lol:

Ive never worked in food.. id find it hard if i wanted to as my cooking extends to about beans and toast but thats about it But i worked with the general public for years,when i was 13-15 with one place,then 16-18 with another place.I worked for a an organisation who ran markets up and down the country.And we were like traffic wardens/security guards and also just general labour and litter pickers.

But omg it shocks the hell out of you when you have to deal with the public for the first time,some people can be so amazingly nice it warms your heart,I had one girl who would always bring me a pack of cigs and a brew which was so appreciated specialy considering she didnt have to But sadly the vast majority of people think they can treat you like somthing they have stepped in because your getting paid to provide a service.

 

[elusive_x]

wow--

I know that guy edited his posts but I expect he was criticizing your experience--- Im sorry you were attacked in a forum for SA!

I totally agree with you-- i was voted "most trustworthy"-- i mean-- is that a good thing or a bad thing?

I think people do jump on nice people-- I wouldn't mind so much if I had another nice person to be myself around--I sometimes think all the nice people are in hiding---

Im considering being a monk! seriously! -- they are the only nice people who are respected by society

 

[lettypagb]

ure wrong ,ure a fat-ugy IOAHSRIP kidding ma-ann ..

ure so kind ,i'm sorry

:twisted:

 

[Slothrop]

It's quite common for people (with or without social anxiety issues) to perceive fairly normal reactions as being critical and disrespectful to them. It can happen even more often with anxiety or self-esteem issues.

The truth is that it's much more common for people to miscommunicate than to be intentionally disrespectful to one another. Even the kindest among us have at some point or another offended someone without meaning to.

If you feel like you've been insulted, it helps to step back and consider whether there is something unclear in the situation before concluding that people are being hostile to you.

In your first story, it seems highly probable that there was a simple miscommunication. By asking for the meal without nuts, many people would assume it was because of an allergy, not just a preference.

The thing is: if someone with a peanut allergy ate a pizza with sauce that had been made with nuts (even if there were no nuts on the pizza itself), they could have a severe reaction and possibly die.

So for the person taking your order to point out that the sauce contains nuts or to ask if you have a peanut allergy was from his perspective not trying to make things more complicated: he was just trying to make sure he didn't give you something that would kill you!

Think about what you would do in his position: not knowing if the customer is allergic or not, but knowing that if they are, they could die. Wouldn't you want to make sure by asking them?

It always pays to consider other interpretations. Sometimes people are disrespectful, but most of the time people hurt one another by accident.

 

[Reholla]

ure wrong ,ure a fat-ugy IOAHSRIP kidding ma-ann ..

ure so kind ,i'm sorry

:twisted:

i have no idea what that means...who are you talking to?

danflac, yeah I do think people who openly state opinions are "easy targets" and i guess being nice to people AND openly honest sets me up to be an easy target too --HENCE all the responses in the beginning with "tudes"... i really thought this would be the last place for "bullies" but whatever. if u really need to be disagreeable on the internet looks like there are other things going on.

anyway, about that. it sounds like most of you who say its basically my fault that the fastfood worker was short with me. i just have to say, yeah i get it, people have bad experiences with the public and they probably dont look forward to their job. THATS WHY when some ones perfectly nice to them, they should be like , WOW thanks for giving me a break from disespectful people!! Thats how i would be, and anyone i would care to surround myself would be. Like others have later posted on this, if some ones nice to you, it should make you want to be nice back. NOT make things complicated and be difficult.
And all of that aside, this is ONE example. Apparently people only read this one. The real example is in the other post about my crazy bitch proferssor alright... im sorry but if you read the post u will see why. and even today she did something but i dont feel like wasting my time on it...

And exclusiveX, yeah I totall agree. And i think monks are very respectable!! Actually, my dad was a Christian Brother (catholic) until his late 20's. he prayed about it for a long time, and later realized God was leading him to have a family, and thats when he met my mom.
I have thought about it, but i doubt i could really live life like that...even though sometimes i hate this one. I know plenty of people who ive told similar things to, and they deal with it all the time. And theyve given me advice. One time, my favorite friend to talk to is my friends mom, and she said a lady in a line sneezed one time, and she said "bless you...or Bleshhu!" and she goes "I dont need to be blessed"
OMG get real woman...first dont get all offended its a politness thing. In other country's the translations are "good health to you" aka in spanish "salud" its just we happen to say in the US "bless you"
I get so irritated by stuff like this... anyway. yeah, ive thought about how being a monk/nun you wouldnt have to deal with the frustrations of the public, but you also wouldnt have the fun times... maybe being a nun is fun? lol i havent asked any... but i just know with advice older (wiser) friends and teachers of mine have told me, i can tell they are well aware just like me there are people out there with no regard for others. As one lady says, "they dont have your interest in mind" And those very people telling me these things, have kids, family, and love life all the same..

it just sucks mean people have to ruin it. you know theres always the one a hole when everyones having fun and happy, they have to ruin it b/c theyre just miserable themselves.

 

[lettypagb]

8O ok , i was just kidding , u know ... like picking oon u

 

[Reholla]

8O ok , i was just kidding , u know ... like picking oon u

I can't believe im having this conversation..

 

[whispering_screams]

Re: Being the "kind" one brings out the WORST in p

I didn't read all your posts because they are way too long but from what I can see in the first post, you didn't even give a specific example of you going out of your way to be "the kind one" to someone and that same person picking on you for the kindness you showed them. You should provide that in order for us to see it from your POV.
With that said, I do agree that some people take advantage of your kindness as they see it as weakness. But in reality, those people are the ones who's weak and stupid.

 

[noblame4]

I find that antagonistic people get picked on too. Poor babies~