Hey I can relate to how you feel. I really hope you'll feel better and get the things you wish for. It's really bugging you I can see. Please don't hurt yourself.
Hi. I saw your post and I totally understand what you are going through. And even when I am currently in the same situation we must do our best to keep going and breathing. If you ever want to chat or need someone to talk to, feel free to send me a message.
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Hope things start going better for you soon. Suicide isn't the answer. Hang in there.