Sorry if I sounded as if things were better for you.
Are you serious about your suicidal plans? Well, I think comments like that should be taken seriously, regardless. Ryan is terrible, I'm sorry. I've been cutting lately... it's my most consistent coping mechanism now, I guess. Is there anything I can do for you? Will you please reconsider? I'm aware of your misery, so perhaps it isn't my place to tell you to live, but I don't want you to die.