Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Quite sadden to read that, defiance.
Aye. What you said here pretty much sums up my own life, with exception of the part about finding a job. :sad:
How are you feeling?
- Thread starter Remus
- Start date
Quite sadden to read that, defiance.
Aye. What you said here pretty much sums up my own life, with exception of the part about finding a job. :sad:
Kiwong
Well-known member
Hi there Fountain, haven't see you on here for a while. Hopefully that means things haven't been going too bad.
FountainandFairfax
in a VAN down by the RIVER
Nah, things just are what they are. 'Sitting here waiting for something to happen. Thanks for remembering me though, that always warms my cockles.
How have you been? I know it's rough losing a compadre, I still can't even talk about my dog. Are you still running?
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
A wee bit emotional today...
It's the 1 year anniversary of me getting the life-changing orthopaedic surgery that has drastically improved my walking ability.
It's the 1 year anniversary of me getting the life-changing orthopaedic surgery that has drastically improved my walking ability.
defiance
Well-known member
I was tortured again heavily by my thoughts as I was trying to sleep. It got pretty bad. I hate all of it because everyday you relive that same pain and you truly wonder how much more of it you can take before all that pain, anger and frustration hit its limit. I have no desire to live. I have no desire for anything because nothing interests me. All I am doing on a daily basis is going through motions. There is no joy left for me and only death can save me. A peaceful death in my sleep is all I ask for. I have had enough of this............IT HAS TO END SOMETIME. I feel so bad that my family had such a loser for a child. They did their best. I'm just a plain old f**k up is all.
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theslowesthand
Banned
Happy 1 year anniversary! :bigsmile:A wee bit emotional today...
It's the 1 year anniversary of me getting the life-changing orthopaedic surgery that has drastically improved my walking ability. (happy-dancing.gif)
theslowesthand
Banned
In my experience the pain increases until you can't handle it no more, and then it increases a bit more for good measure. And it keeps reminding you of itself regularly ... until you do something about it, eg start thinking more positive. But no doubt these extremes of feeling are a big signpost, saying that sth is really wrong with your life. I've had times like you mention, and i've managed to get past them, so can you. Nothing is impossible, but certain things are very very trying.
theslowesthand
Banned
Could do with a beer, sh*t f*ck b*gger d*mn. 11th day without any. Life is hard without booze. :sad:
Jungle
1
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
what about if you became a quadriplegic from a car crash.. if you just ended up a vegetable from a botched operation?.. or in an endless coma?
would that make me stronger?
:bigsmile:soz, just messin with ya
Jungle
1
what about if you became a quadriplegic from a car crash.. if you just ended up a vegetable from a botched operation?.. or in an endless coma?
would that make me stronger?
soz, just messin with ya
Thinking about this, it is true that this "kills" that proverb.
Well thought
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
like im going fking batshit crazy.. I want to feel connected, to.... something at least.
I was driving home today, thinking about when I'll die. I'm ok with it you know.. I actually want to return to the universe, I want my atoms to be recycled into the universe. I want to become star dust again.
I was driving home today, thinking about when I'll die. I'm ok with it you know.. I actually want to return to the universe, I want my atoms to be recycled into the universe. I want to become star dust again.
ForevrLonlyWolf
Member
I get like this sometimes. Mostly I dont want to die though, even when I have been suicidal there is an inkling of survival in me that wants to live. But at times, I just think about everything being pointless. Even when I dont think like that, I just "feel" it you know? Or I guess its a lack of feeling. But I cant help but think of things on a giant scale now. Like, my life in relation to all the billions of years the universe has been around, and all the random events that have occurred, all the people that have died, all the species that have formed to do random mutations. And then I think of the future, and what that holds for the universe. Our planets presence in it. Its significance, or lack of.
So when I start thinking like that, I almost kind of feel like I am just star dust, I am just a part of space. And becoming one with the universe again will make me feel whole again (even though I wont be able to feel....) and at least like I am contributing to it by having my cells mix into the soil, and the fabric of the planet, and then the universe.
I also get like that when I become frustrated with the human race and all of our desires and motivations. Despite our intelligence and sophistication compared to other species on this planet, deep down a lot of things are pretty hardwired. I also get pissed off about how people fail to see these things, or even ignore it.
Anyways, I am rambling now...
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PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
I hear what you're saying.. I feel it.
I definitely know what you mean and no - I don't think your rambling.I really appreciate your post. It means a lot more to me than many, many things at this point in time. Why? because you've let me know that there's someone out there that also get's what I mean.. what I feel.
Anyway.. I'm the one who's rambling now.. Thank you for your post
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
defiance
Well-known member
I hope I can make it out of this thing alive man. I mean this is the kind of stuff that drives people over the edge. Maybe if I can find a job soon it will alleviate a bit of the mental torture? :idontknow:. I desperately want to get my life on track this year because I have lost too much time already.
theslowesthand
Banned
I think a job could be what you need. A good diversion.
MollyBeGood
Well-known member
I am getting more and more comfortable with the idea of death the longer I live. I think it is less frightening because I am not connected to much of anything. Isn't it the Buddhist who say when you die your soul gets stuck in limbo if you are 'too connected' with earthly things, there's a name for this place...it's pretty awful to be stuck there.
Reminds me too of if you are taking mushrooms/hallucinogenics for example and you cling too hard to reality you will have a bad trip. Some say taking these drugs can prepare you for the Ego death of the process of dying...
this documentary is so good about the Tibetan Book of the Dead. I have watched it a few times.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gloEua0RSs
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PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
I've read about terminally ill patients taking mushrooms and it helps with their fear of death. They say they see the world in a whole new way and fear of death lessens significantly for up to a year after taking mushrooms.
I've tried mushrooms when I was in my early 20's. I'll never try them again, but let me tell you this; I wouldn't swap the experience for ANYTHING.
I personally, did see the world and everything in it as it was, a biosphere in the vastness of space and time. I was sitting outside at night, staring up into the stars. It's hard to describe, but I seen the world working as a whole, the nature force of life, tree's pumping out oxygen, the atmosphere, allowing life to gain a foothold..
I seen humankind in caves, fearing storms and imagining gods were angry.. I seen it evolve to present day. how we are upsetting the balance and how population equilibrium will take place if we don't learn to control ourselves..
It was... I don't know how to explain it really. It let me see how the state of the universe really is - without all the BS that comes with having a human psych.
Anyway, I don't fear death now. Some days I even welcome it.
S_Spartan
Well-known member
Yeah, you know I've been feeling more disconnected lately. It's not such a bad thing actually.