Physica and mentally drained, afraid of everything, dependent, insecure, pessimist, no motivation. I can't really do much to improve my situation if I'm stuck like this, can I?
Everytime someone tells me "You can do it, you just need to do this and this and that" it translates to me as "You must climb the Everest". I can't do the basic crap I need to do everyday from being so exhausted, and both, the exhaustion and fear keep me from even thinking of having a job.
Why do you think I talk about suicide at times? I don't really wish to even mention it, but the more I think about all of this, the more attractive the idea becomes. And then my friends get frustrated at me and call me selfish for thinking of that.
I've given up on everything. I'm just sitting here, waiting for my partner to save my sorry a$$. He tries to give me hope that everything will be alright and he will get me out of here, I'm looking forward to next year... and maybe hope for 2013 to finish as fast as possible so that day will be closer. In the meantime, I have to do anything I can to keep myself busy and make time pass quicker... but my attention span has gone to hell and I can't focus on small tasks, time passes really slow and a month feels like a year. A year feels like an eternity. I have to wait for another eternity to maybe (keyword: MAYBE) get out of this hell hole.
I just can't believe I've become so f*cking weak. I used to be better than this, but all of my motivation died years ago. I'm a hopeless case.