Do you feel like a loser?

[MikeyC]

I don't feel like a loser , I feel like someone who has been dealt bad cards in life and dealt with it best as I could although i've accepted i've failed.

Why would you say that?

 

[Metal_isthe_Answer]

Im a 27 year old virgin living with his dad working at a job I hate (food service) which doesnt pay well enough for me to support myself outside of car payments and small menial stuff, so.....yes??

 

[JamesSmith]

I am a loser. I've decided to stop lying to myself.

The main reasons I'm a loser are:

1. I have no personal relationships outside of my family. No friends + no g/f or wife.

2. What also makes me a loser is that I am working part-time for 8$ an hour as a flower delivery boy. Only getting like 13 hrs a week. I can't even afford a crummy apartment.

3. Another thing that makes me a loser is that I'm a mama's boy and I'm 27 years old. This would normally be sad, but it's really sad now because I've been living here for the past 5 years.

4. I'm a 27 year old virgin and have only had one g/f throughout my entire life that left me because I wasn't social enough for her after only a month and a half.

 

[NightsWatchBro]

I feel like a loser because I look and being treated like one.

 

[coyote]

when we're there at the bottom of the well

we can choose to do one of two things...

lay face down and continuing staring at the bottom

or turn over and look UP

up is the only way out

(it helps if we then start climbing)

 

[Kiwong]

No I'm not a loser. I am a winner and I've got medals to prove it.

 

[YellowBird]

I feel like a loser,I feel slimy,it embarrasses me when people pay attention to me,it kind of 'brings out' my self loathing.I feel ashamed to meet new people for that reason,they think I act my age and have fun,go to parties,have a bunch of cool friends,I will feel so exposed and extra loser-y when they find out that's not the case,at all.

 

[MikeyC]

4. I'm a 27 year old virgin and have only had one g/f throughout my entire life that left me because I wasn't social enough for her after only a month and a half.

I'm a 25-year-old virgin and I've only had one serious girlfriend that ended after a little over 2 months due to my shyness.

Girlfriends and sex are not the be-all-and-end-all. Vastly overrated, actually. My own opinion, of course.

 

[JamesSmith]

I'm a 25-year-old virgin and I've only had one serious girlfriend that ended after a little over 2 months due to my shyness.

Girlfriends and sex are not the be-all-and-end-all. Vastly overrated, actually. My own opinion, of course.

I didn't say girlfriends and sex are the be-all-and-end-all.

When someone has all the weaknesses I have (no friends, part time crappy job, lives at mommy's house) and then you add the virginity and no g/f for most of my life where I could have been dating, then it makes me a loser.

That's what I was saying, that I have many loser attributes, hence, I'm a loser.

If I was just a virgin and never had a girlfriend, but I had friends that I connected with and had a decent job, then I wouldn't be calling myself a loser. It's the big picture of my life that makes me a loser.

 

[MikeyC]

I didn't say girlfriends and sex are the be-all-and-end-all.

When someone has all the weaknesses I have (no friends, part time crappy job, lives at mommy's house) and then you add the virginity and no g/f for most of my life where I could have been dating, then it makes me a loser.

That's what I was saying, that I have many loser attributes, hence, I'm a loser.

If I was just a virgin and never had a girlfriend, but I had friends that I connected with and had a decent job, then I wouldn't be calling myself a loser. It's the big picture of my life that makes me a loser.

As it is, I've got a pretty crappy job (which does have some perks, though) and I'm living with my parents, as well. We're pretty much in the same boat, really.

Do you see any way you could change your lifestyle to make yourself happier? Calling yourself a loser is pretty extreme so I'd assume you would want to improve.

 

[JamesSmith]

As it is, I've got a pretty crappy job (which does have some perks, though) and I'm living with my parents, as well. We're pretty much in the same boat, really.

Do you see any way you could change your lifestyle to make yourself happier? Calling yourself a loser is pretty extreme so I'd assume you would want to improve.

The problem is that I severely struggle with making friendships and connecting with others on a consistent basis. I don't even like being around people most of the time, even people I've known for years.

To change what I'm doing now, which is not being around people, that would mean I'd have to be around people, which I also don't like. So I don't even really look at changing what I do to be around people as improving. I look at it as something I don't want to do, and won't like to do. Been there, done that so to speak. I've had friends for years and they progressively got more annoying and I got more uncomfortable being around them.

I don't think calling myself a loser is that bad of a thing. In many movies, the movie wants the viewer to connect with the main character, who is often a loser. The main character is the humble person, although a loser. That's a great quality. The main character is also a good person, even though they are a loser. Being a loser isn't as bad as it immediately sounds.

 

[MikeyC]

The problem is that I severely struggle with making friendships and connecting with others on a consistent basis. I don't even like being around people most of the time, even people I've known for years.

To change what I'm doing now, which is not being around people, that would mean I'd have to be around people, which I also don't like. So I don't even really look at changing what I do to be around people as improving. I look at it as something I don't want to do, and won't like to do. Been there, done that so to speak. I've had friends for years and they progressively got more annoying and I got more uncomfortable being around them.

I don't think calling myself a loser is that bad of a thing. In many movies, the movie wants the viewer to connect with the main character, who is often a loser. The main character is the humble person, although a loser. That's a great quality. The main character is also a good person, even though they are a loser. Being a loser isn't as bad as it immediately sounds.

Unfortunately, being in the world we live in, we have to make human contact sometimes. I know you don't see it as improving, but hopefully you can one day tolerate it to the extent of forming some kind of relationships with others. It's a tough road but it's a necessary one.

Regarding your friends that got more annoying, maybe you didn't have the right friends? Hard for me to judge from the other side of the world, I know, but maybe they weren't the kind of people for you? Just a thought.

Haha, that's the best way to warp the meaning of the word. :: In movies, though, the main character becomes cool in the span of 2 hours. I have no doubt you are a good person and you want to continue being good, though.

 

[JamesSmith]

People are people, as far as I'm concerned. I had a decent sized circle of friends, and went to parties as well. Although some of my friends were pricks, all of my friends were friendly and wanted to be friends with me.

I am confident that I am the problem. If I moved to another circle of friends, I'd be having the same issues. It's the shyness that is killer. It's just so tough to connect with people with the shyness that I have. I'm often too afraid to speak, or don't want to speak, so I end up being the fifth wheel, and feel uncomfortable and bored out of my mind.

 

[MikeyC]

People are people, as far as I'm concerned. I had a decent sized circle of friends, and went to parties as well. Although some of my friends were pricks, all of my friends were friendly and wanted to be friends with me.

I am confident that I am the problem. If I moved to another circle of friends, I'd be having the same issues. It's the shyness that is killer. It's just so tough to connect with people with the shyness that I have. I'm often too afraid to speak, or don't want to speak, so I end up being the fifth wheel, and feel uncomfortable and bored out of my mind.

Shyness can make you very uncomfortable, for sure. I don't really have any advice for you to combat it, mate. All I can really say is try to get involved in conversations - nobody's perfect and it's hard to say the correct thing at any given time, but it doesn't hurt to try. It's easy to say now, but harder to put into practice, I'm aware.

Whatever you decide to do to try and lose the "loser" tag, I'm right behind you.

 

[breakthespell]

Pretty much all the time. The second I step outside my door the little confidence I had is completely gone. The only ones I don't feel like a loser with are my parents and my best friend.

 

[Feathers]

Ooh, flower delivery boy - that's such a romantic job to do!! I bet you meet lots of lovely ladies too & make people happy!!

I am working part-time for 8$ an hour as a flower delivery boy. Only getting like 13 hrs a week.

That's like, 400$ a month? That's A LOT in some parts of the world!! (Some people don't earn as much full-time, working 10 hrs a day!!) If you live with parents you can also save a lot of money, I guess, and that can go toward living on your own later...?

I'm a mama's boy and I'm 27 years old. This would normally be sad, but it's really sad now because I've been living here for the past 5 years.

That's not necessarily bad, it can mean you love your parents. A girl who appreciates family and loyalty can appreciate that too.

But you're only truly a 'mama's boy' in a negative sense if you let mum do all the work, and if you let her 'boss you around' or 'baby you' too much (that's what girls don't like, if mum would be more important than a gf, or if you don't know how to do house work and would expect a gf to 'serve' you as well..) If you help parents around the house and could technically live on your own, it's a different matter...
The planet is booming, went from 2 bn to 6 billion population, all those people must live somewhere, can't each have a villa or skyscraper or the planet would be betonized??!

I'm a 27 year old virgin and have only had one g/f throughout my entire life that left me because I wasn't social enough for her after only a month and a half.

Some really great people on this forum and elsewhere that I REALLY admire never even had that, so you're ahead of many here...

If you like the label and it helps you in a way, go ahead.. Personally, I don't like 'labels', we are people and MUCH more than just a silly label...

 

[Kiwong]

I'm *drum roll* 49, and still a virgin, never had a girlfriend, never been on a date, I wish that my parents were still alive so that I could visit them, or just speak to them on the phone, let alone live with them.

There are many other important life criteria that I judge myself on than those.

Whether I believe that I am loser is solely based on my thoughts, and I choose not to think I am a loser. In fact I know I'm not a loser, and I have many talents, which are gifts from my parents.

I seem to be able to be able to connect with some people by being willing to be honest, by reaching out primarily through my blog, by acting in good faith. I don't expect to be accepted or liked, but a surprising number of people have shown kindness to me when I have reached out.

 

[Feathers]

Yeah, Kiwong, you are one of the people that I was thinking of when I posted this:

Some really great people on this forum and elsewhere that I REALLY admire never even had that

My uncle and some other men also have stayed single most of their lives pretty much, it wasn't 'in' to be farmers where I live, so they stayed true to their roots and maintained farms that no girls wanted to come to - does that make'em 'losers'? No, it makes them HEROES!!

Food is going to be a strategic source of great importance in the 3rd century, and while hard work of farmers still hasn't been appreciated in many places, it damn well better be!!
(No they didn't have 'jobs', as there was too much work at the farm to do...)

What about pickers/hunters of the old eras, were those 'losers' too? Jobs didn't even 'exist' back then!!

 

[Kiwong]

I consider you a winner, Feathers. There a lots's of winners on this website some that don't realise it yet. Good people having a tough battle, but trying so hard.

 

[BlueDays]

No.
I think that societies term "loser" was only created to make people spend as much money as possible to keep/prevent other people from calling them one.