Hi everyone, first time poster here. I'm going through a difficult time right now and need some advice.
My girlfriend and love of my life left me a few weeks ago. I've tried contacting her to no avail. I'm worried sick about her and don't know how best to proceed.
She is not diagnosed with APD. She has a myriad of diagnosed psychiatric problems -- depression, OCD, used to be suicidal and anorexic, etc. -- but her insurance lapsed several years ago (not long after we met), and she had to discontinue therapy. That being said, she has been behaving extremely erratic lately, both before and after the break up. Doing some research into her problems I randomly came across avoidant personality disorder. I am not exaggerating when I say she literally matches all the symptoms. I am virtually certain she has this.
She is starting a new job (perhaps today? like I said I haven't talked to her recently), but this job will not have health insurance. Also, it is a high stress job where she has little experience and will involve a lot of potential interpersonal conflict/communication; she will be the boss of a lot of people. Luckily, her previous experience with psychiatric problems led her to believe that therapy is extremely beneficial, so when she's healthy she is not opposed to getting it. However, I don't see her going out of her way at the moment to get health insurance since it's not provided by her employer and I'm worried she won't get help anytime soon, and it may get worse.
I am close with her family, and the only reasons she's given me AND them that she left were things associated with APD -- afraid she couldn't talk to me because of criticism (which wasn't true), afraid of trapping me in a life I didn't want and that I would resent her (not true at all). She never talked to me about any of this, and I was in the dark until the week she left. She only told me that "she just has to be alone right now" and "needs time to think". I understand what I did wrong, but I believe it is honestly minor compared to her psychiatric problems. I do have a touch of OCD, and I can be a bit critical at times, but I am never mean or pushy about it. Of course, this little bit almost certainly made things worse, and I'm so regretful that I was unaware of it.
The break up was very bizarre and erratic, and I haven't spoken to her in 3 weeks. I've called her a few times, always with very light/supportive messages. I've never been angry. I've always said we can talk when you're ready -- I haven't made it about me or been pushy at all.
Also, her family is very "hands off" about things. They have mental illness in the family other than my ex. I have every reason to think that they won't even talk to my ex about the problem until she is at rock bottom, and back to her old depressed/anorexic/suicidal state like she was not long before we met.
What do I do? Should I not try to contact her anymore until she gets things sorted out (if she does)? Will continuing to contact her push her away? Does she need me even though she isn't returning calls? Should I continue to be supportive and occasionally email, call, whatever and just let her know I'm there? Should I go see her and talk to her (she is living with her parents right now... we lived together before that), but obviously not be pushy or critical, just listen -- assuming she even lets me talk to her?
I can give more details if necessary... there are a lot more, so I won't bring them up unless it's pertinent to the discussion.
I'm so confused right now, and I love her more than anything... ::
My girlfriend and love of my life left me a few weeks ago. I've tried contacting her to no avail. I'm worried sick about her and don't know how best to proceed.
She is not diagnosed with APD. She has a myriad of diagnosed psychiatric problems -- depression, OCD, used to be suicidal and anorexic, etc. -- but her insurance lapsed several years ago (not long after we met), and she had to discontinue therapy. That being said, she has been behaving extremely erratic lately, both before and after the break up. Doing some research into her problems I randomly came across avoidant personality disorder. I am not exaggerating when I say she literally matches all the symptoms. I am virtually certain she has this.
She is starting a new job (perhaps today? like I said I haven't talked to her recently), but this job will not have health insurance. Also, it is a high stress job where she has little experience and will involve a lot of potential interpersonal conflict/communication; she will be the boss of a lot of people. Luckily, her previous experience with psychiatric problems led her to believe that therapy is extremely beneficial, so when she's healthy she is not opposed to getting it. However, I don't see her going out of her way at the moment to get health insurance since it's not provided by her employer and I'm worried she won't get help anytime soon, and it may get worse.
I am close with her family, and the only reasons she's given me AND them that she left were things associated with APD -- afraid she couldn't talk to me because of criticism (which wasn't true), afraid of trapping me in a life I didn't want and that I would resent her (not true at all). She never talked to me about any of this, and I was in the dark until the week she left. She only told me that "she just has to be alone right now" and "needs time to think". I understand what I did wrong, but I believe it is honestly minor compared to her psychiatric problems. I do have a touch of OCD, and I can be a bit critical at times, but I am never mean or pushy about it. Of course, this little bit almost certainly made things worse, and I'm so regretful that I was unaware of it.
The break up was very bizarre and erratic, and I haven't spoken to her in 3 weeks. I've called her a few times, always with very light/supportive messages. I've never been angry. I've always said we can talk when you're ready -- I haven't made it about me or been pushy at all.
Also, her family is very "hands off" about things. They have mental illness in the family other than my ex. I have every reason to think that they won't even talk to my ex about the problem until she is at rock bottom, and back to her old depressed/anorexic/suicidal state like she was not long before we met.
What do I do? Should I not try to contact her anymore until she gets things sorted out (if she does)? Will continuing to contact her push her away? Does she need me even though she isn't returning calls? Should I continue to be supportive and occasionally email, call, whatever and just let her know I'm there? Should I go see her and talk to her (she is living with her parents right now... we lived together before that), but obviously not be pushy or critical, just listen -- assuming she even lets me talk to her?
I can give more details if necessary... there are a lot more, so I won't bring them up unless it's pertinent to the discussion.
I'm so confused right now, and I love her more than anything... ::