Would you have a long distance relationship?

First, would you ever have a long distance relationship? Secondly, how would you make it work?

It seems like a very difficult situation. Because you almost have to jump into a serious relationship, because you have to literally fly or drive a significant distance just to even see the other person. So it doesn't seem like you have an opportunity to casually date. Also, what about just the costs associated with the traveling. And how do make your schedules work?

I just know it seems like a lot of people have met on here, I'm just curious to see how people maintain successful long distance relationships.

If 2 people thought it was worth it, they will always find a way, no matter what stands between them (be it distance or whatever).
If no effort is established to beat any obsticles, I would have to question the relationships long term prospects.

Keep in mind that I have no experiance in any sort of relationship - so please take anything I say with a grain of salt.

Beatrice said:

It's not worth it, IMO.

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I agree.

Beatrice said:

Unless this person seems really really super amazing and you're not going to find someone like them easily.....

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But this happened to me. It was a mistake to even try to have a relationship like that, but the temptation was so damn big. That girl was so amazing and so out of my league. Well, at least I had a couple of years of my own fairy tale

Live and learn I guess.

i've had two long-distance relationships

as the OP mentioned - they become very serious rather quickly, because the distance really seems to call for a commitment in order to make the investment (time, money, emotions) in traveling, etc.

not only that, but you tend to idealize things while separated that can draw you closer than you might otherwise feel if you were actually spending time getting to know the person (and all their potential faults) in flesh and blood

in my case - i ended up getting married - twice

both ended rather horribly

i advise against the whole long-distance thing unless you've already been in a healthy relationship with that person for awhile, and then have to be separated for some reason

meeting someone and forming a serious relationship from a distance is problematic

but if you just want to hook up casually with someone, that might work ok

nope

Been there done that

hard work

I was with my ex for 2 1/2 yrs before we needed to separate a while. I needed to remain here cos my mom was sick and he had to go abroad for work. so we agreed to do long distance for 6 months then I'd follow him over pending how things worked out here, that didn't happen I needed more time. It was a year before I could leave here and well he got more and more distant and weird. We broke up. I was so sorry I put all that effort into making it work when that time turned out to be so precious. So no I would never do that again.


On the other hand I have a online friend and we've been chatting for nearly 14 years haha so long distance friendships are great

I honestly don't have a clue.Having never been in one myself.

But home could be anywhere or nowhere if your not close to the one you love.

Jewel said:

On the other hand I have a online friend and we've been chatting for nearly 14 years haha so long distance friendships are great

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Yes. I'm very much in favor of long distance friendships. Long distance relationships on the other hand--that's pretty much setting yourself up for heartache and quite possibly heartbreak. I know it works out sometimes, but that's pretty darned rare.

My longest relationship was with someone I met online. I met him when we were like 16, then we broke up and didn't talk for a year or so, then we went out again for 8 months. It was actually a pretty comfortable situation for the majority of those 8 months. I liked that the relationship was long distance, I think I'd get sick of seeing someone everyday (and I did, recently I had a relationship with someone from uni that lasted 4 months, and he said that I didn't see him enough, he didn't understand how hard I was trying to balance uni with him). I liked talking to my boyfriend on MSN rather than in person, as stupid as that might sound. I liked staying round his place for the week and coming home, it was something to look forward to - even if he did turn out to be a complete *bleep*. It all fell apart when he moved even further away to go to uni. He took me for granted and focused all his attention on his new uni friends. He was annoyed with me for not going on webcam. Naturally, having anxiety made me really nervous about going on webcam though I did try to talk to him a couple of times.. But I bored him. Anyway I'm glad that didn't work because he is a horrible person.

I wouldn't mind another long term relationship though, but only for someone really special would I make that much effort.

2 of my friends married guys they met on vacation (internationally, in different countries) and then they were long-distance for a while, writing letters, visiting once in a while and then mini vacations again I think (they were still studying when they met those guys), then met up again and stayed together... (when they finished studies) they are still together, happily it seems...?

Another friend had long-distance bfs. Said she preferred it that way too, lol. (One of them was a temperamental artist 'not so easy to live with' lol) She worked a few months (or a year or so), then travelled a few months (or weeks, if she had a more steady job).. Sometimes they travelled together, maybe for vacations...

They did meet up in RL first.. And met up in RL later too...

Apparently the problems can be costs involved (travels, phone.. - easier nowadays with Skype/internet) and some other things too...

Some people who met up online first or via common friends or even in RL did 'jump into things too quickly', which usually didn't end so well... 2 friends and some people I've known online had not-so-great experience... Yeah, there can be a factor of not knowing the other well and just projecting your own ideals onto them...
If it's international there can also be paperwork, yikes...

So I think it's important to take it slowly and get to know the person well (not just the good sides) and see how compatible you both are etc. Travel because you want to travel/see relatives or other friends, explore world, not 'just' for that person....

They were enthusiastic about travelling and those countries to start with, one had relatives there... So it wasn't 'just' visiting 'that guy'... It was also partly an 'adventure' and cultural experience etc.

I don't think a lot of people have met here.. (?) Where did you get that impression from?
Or did you mean internet in general?

I haven't really been in a long-distance thing (what counts as 'long-distance?' lol) and don't particularly intend to, depends on the person I guess... (and partly on finances and/or other resources and ingenuity/creativity of either/both...)

Pinata, sounds like you'll likely meet someone better/more compatible!!
I'm kinda weary of the webcam too, it's good to be careful... others can record stuff from webcam and it could potentially end up god knows where, so some smarts are necessary!!

A friend or someone who understands will be okay with you not being on cam too, maybe just typing/audio even if they are on the cam (if they wish to be).

I have never been in a long distance relationship and no I would never have one or better I would if I had had a relationship for years and for some reason and at some point of our lifes one of us had to go abroad.

I had one once. 2hours distance by plane. 2 different countries. 2 different nationalities. Like everything in life is not how far you are from but how much u love. Is hard, can't lie, but is not impossible either!

Thanks Feathers Yeah, it's so easy to build someone up to be something special and ideal when you're initially meeting them online. Especially if it's a while before you meet them in person so it's tricky to work out how compatible you'll be. And twas annoying that he put so much pressure on me to go on webcam, nobody has really tried to understand anxiety when I explain it to them, particularly my ex boyfriends. Whoops guess I'm going off the point here!

Had a long distance relationship once, it failed. Because temptation was there, I was not

Even if I was attracted to someone I'd go for a long-distance friendship instead. Relationships are just so messy, especially when you throw distance into the mix.

I'm not sure if I could handle being in a long distance relationship. I mean, I've never been in a relationship of any kind, but I think I'd rather be able to see someone personally every once in a while. With a long-distance relationship, unless you have lots of money and free time, you can't see someone that much.

Although, I think I'd still be willing to give it a shot. I'm definitely no where the clingy type and I do like my solitude. Plus, I think it would be fun to travel to wherever that person is, not just for them, but just to travel.

So where am I on this? I really don't know. :: A part of me says no, and the other part says yeah I'd try it.

well it depends,do you know the person and for how long.Because if you met someone online and thinking of keeping it that way,then the answer is no.The only way would be if you were already in a few year relationship and that suddenly had to relocate or smth.

I don't think long distance relationships work out very well most of the time. I've never had one, but you would think the temptation of other people that are actually near you, along with potential 'neglect' of the relationship from the distance, makes it a lot easier to put on the back burner and then die off completely.

I did have a really good online friendship. I met this girl when I was 14 (I'm 20 now), and my anxiety was so severe then. It was amazing to have someone to talk to. We both needed someone then and we talked every day and it didn't take long for me to start to love her. She has flown across the country twice to come and see me. Then, when I was 17 she got so caught up in her own life and all the people and problems right in front of her, that I did go to the back burner. I was really hurt, because she was very special to me, and I didn't know how she could just throw me away. We didn't talk for over a year. When I was 18 or 19 she wrote an apology to me (after I wrote her an angry letter) and we are trying to get our friendship back. It isn't anywhere near where it was in the beginning, though. But in a year or so she is going to move to where I live and hopefully we can build a really good friendship in person.

Other than that, I have several people I talk to online that are just online friends, nothing serious, just fun to talk to.

I've been in one.

I can not tell you if it's worth it, but it's certainly more of a headache than a relationship should be.

IGotSeoul said:

I've been in one.

I can not tell you if it's worth it, but it's certainly more of a headache than a relationship should be.

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But how much of a headache should a relationship be?

I don't think there's a definite answer on whether LDRs work or they don't. They work for some people, and they won't suit others. The same can be said about any relationship. The "normal" boy/girl seeing each other exclusively doesn't work for everyone either.

I don't know... my relationship in the past had long periods of up to several months without seeing/talking to eachother and that was fine because there was already a well established base and trust/support system.
I can't imagine walking into a relationship without trusting someone completely - and being unable to see them often.

Doesn't sound like something I'd do.
But who knows...

Rembrandt Broam said:

But how much of a headache should a relationship be?

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shall we find out?