Would you ever forgive your bully or bullies?

FriendlyShadow

Well-known member
Not really, unless they are truly sorry for what harm and damage they have put me through. They had pretty much scarred my life and mentally. When they start crying to me for help one day, I'll avoid them like the plague.
 

drakir

Active member
my mental illnesses was never casued by anyone treating me badly, and i was never truly bullied. i was only teased.... because certain (not very brigth) teenage individuals want to see how the introvert in the dark corner reacts. nothing got to me... i just ended up disliking them a great deal (still do)

by the way.. im not very forgiving really xP
i spend most of my time plotting how to destroy the world :D (when im angry)
 

moondog

Member
You never forgive them!

I have seen and felt the pain, seen them laugh and enjoy the misery they cause.

Don't kid yourself.
 

Odo

Banned
I'm going to have to say no.

If they were troubled in life then I figure that even if they did make my life hell, chances are theirs was worse... those people got to me at the time but I totally forgave them as long as they had a reason for it.

The worst bullies were the ones who had everything going for them, were going to be successful, and were just doing it because they thought I was a joke. The idea that they're probably really happy or successful right now pisses me off... and I sometimes think it would be really awesome to track them down and murder them. It would make a really good story and it would hurt them more because they have more to lose... and the best part about it is that it would be totally random. They would be so scared and it would all just feel so unfair, considering they probably think that things are different now. But yeah, that's how debts work... if you don't pay them, the interest collects. That probably sounds totally sick but it's true.

Then again, I don't want to lose anything either, so I won't do it... but yeah, I think about it from time to time.
 

moondog

Member
Odo, stop kidding yourself you are the loser not them!
They don't give a shit about you or ethics.

I think you have the mechanics of the situation very, very wrong.
Think about it differently, please?

You are picked on because you are weak, they are trying to tell you something about yourself.

The world won't change for us so we have to change for it.

Just try kicking back.

I got bullied once by this punk at work, this was a job between studies, it had been going on for a while.
One day i lost it and went into a rage and had him against the furniture and smacked him hard in the face , very hard.
People cheered !
The boss said nothing and the older women said i was very strong.
he did not turn up for work the next day.
After that he never spoke to me and avoided me, problem solved.
 

chatterbox71

Active member
Wow--what a great question.

I'll say right off that I don't think I've been the object of bullying in the classic form. I have often found myself in situations where people are trying to make me the scapegoat for a situation I had nothing to do with--or simply behaving in ways that makes a person feel unwelcome. On the surface, this doesn't sound as bad as bullying, but my reaction to the situation was as haunting, in part because I just can't make it stop playing over and over in my head.

I definitely have a hard time with the "forgive and forget" adage--pretty much no success with any combination . . . no forgiving, no forgetting, and certainly not both. I know a lot of people would say that this is a choice--including my therapist--but I feel like the hurt can be so deep at times that something in my mind just takes over and will NOT let it go. I'm not a fan of people who intentionally hurt others, but I'm also aware that they, themselves, have often bore the brunt of harassment at home, at a stage when they were vulnerable. No matter how much I can view them as a victim of circumstance or ignorant or whatever, I just have a really hard time letting go. I think it's because it's so inconceivable to me to hassle someone for no reason.

The sad thing is, if we want to look at ourselves as part of the ecosystem (something we try so hard to live apart from, sadly), I've witnessed bullying in other species many times. Cats, dogs, roosters . . . whenever a weakness is perceived, the "stronger" often distances himself/herself from the other ironically by getting close and personal. So, part of me sees this as inevitable behavior of any animal--but that doesn't translate into forgiving and forgetting.

I have a VERY hard time with this issue--have severed many ties with friends, family, and neighbors over what I feel is unconscionable behavior. I want the severing of ties to send a clear message--but I find that what instead results is my feeling even more alienated/alone and the people with whom I severed ties never apologizing/owning up to past deeds but instead just viewing me as uptight. Very frustrating. At the same time, when I've tried forgetting and forgiving, I feel the relationship will never be the same and is this forced thing I want nothing to do with--so what's the difference?
 
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LeDiskoLove99

Well-known member
I don't know if I've forgiven but I don't really hold a grudge at the same time. I guess for the most part I've forgiven or I'm just over it, although it has had it's long term affects on me.
 

Odo

Banned
Odo, stop kidding yourself you are the loser not them!

Wow, thanks!

I'm starting to understand why you were 'bullied'... in addition to your inability to talk about anything except your victimhood and standing up to bullies, you're also aggressive and rude.

Here are some tips:

1. It's not bullying if people don't like you for legitimate reasons. I don't like you, and you've given me very legitimate reasons.

2. I highly highly doubt that anyone is reading your comments right now and thinking 'wow, now here is a guy that knows what he's talking about. I'm definitely going to follow his advice!'. Instead it's probably something more like 'wow, this guy has a lot of anger... I think I'm going to avoid him if I can.'... this is why all of the comments you're posting here are being ignored, except by the people you're pissing off.

3. I haven't been bullied at ALL in over 20 years. I don't know what your first language is but you might want to practice your English before you start hurling insults.

4. Losing control and exploding into a violent rage might feel good, but it doesn't make you strong-- it makes you weak. It's obvious from reading your comments that you have absolutely zero control over your emotions, and this affects how you appear to others. I have done this before and while it probably feels better than backing down, it's also really embarrassing... you will probably notice that people tend to keep their distance from you afterwards.
 

moondog

Member
as i said i stopped it happening , maybe not by the best way but it stopped.
That brought me peace at the time, that's what counted .

seems i am different from some here in that i want change , perhaps change by any means?
I wont swap stories about how i was bullied because i don't see any point, it is enough for me that i got it to stop.

Firstly i see the culprits behaving in an inferior way and they have the problem not me.

Then i read a book , "Catfight" leora Tannenbaum which explains the mechanics and ethics of this behaviour, seems it is not what people generally think.

I then realised playing fair would get nowhere.
 

Rav3luv

Member
I have a guy that used to bully me but he moved to another school.When he moved he suddenly started being nice to me and stuff.He wanted to be friends with me again but i rejected him.I wanted this to be a lesson for him so next time he'll think twice before bullying someone.
 
One of the greatest satisfactions of my life is punching my bully in the face so hard that he wound up laying on the ground bleeding. He finally got up and walked away with his tail between his legs. It happened more than three years ago, but I think about it daily and it makes me feel so good to relive it.
Good on you! :thumbup:
I wish so much that I could go back in time and beat the cr%p out of my bullies.

May each and every one of them burn in the hottest part of hell for all eternity.:bigsmile:
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
I wish so much that I could go back in time and beat the cr%p out of my bullies.

While satifying, cause you'll rarely get bullied after doing that. It doesnae do ye any favours in the long term. Unless yer fine with having a "hard-as-f**k" reputation.
 
Good on you! :thumbup:
I wish so much that I could go back in time and beat the cr%p out of my bullies.

May each and every one of them burn in the hottest part of hell for all eternity.:bigsmile:

Thanks. It was really so liberating. It felt as if I had taken off the "pathetic" label that was on me and placed it onto him. In a weird way though, as much internal pain that he caused me, I feel I should be grateful to my bully for teaching me that I have to fight back when someone tries to victimize me; not necessarily physically but verbally or perhaps with an expressive demeanor or facial expression. I think it's important for victims of bullying to know that they have the power to hurt their bullies just like their bullies hurt them, maybe even more so.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
I used to have a very good friend all throughout high school that was a bully to me. She was very manipulative and a compulsive liar -- a very good one at that -- which is why it took me so long to really come to my senses and get enough courage to kick her to the curb my senior year of high school and cut all ties. I think those are the worst type of bullies. Name-calling and physical harm is one thing, but to have someone emotionally manipulate you and lie to your face for years? It really messes with your head. (And yes she's part of the reason why I dealt with depression and social anxiety as bad as I did throughout my teens)

This past year I saw her again at a friend's house. She was already over and I didn't realize it, but then again I didn't exactly tell my friend I was coming over either, I just showed up. She had her two children there just hanging out with my friend (we all went to the same school; plus they both go to the same church; they're not bff just more like friendly acquaintances). I got to talking to her and she'd seemed okay. Like she was just starting to get her life together. It was a nice talk and so I proceeded to add her on Facebook -- my way of forgiving her for what she did in high school.

Not long after I added her she started trying to pick fights with me on Facebook, all stupidly political too. She would proceed to post rude memes after each of our arguments like a teenage internet troll, not tagging me or anything in them but I knew they were directed at me. Offline, during the very few times we spoke briefly in person, I found out she lied to me about some minor details of her life. Nothing major, but the fact she lied just states she's still a compulsive liar and just wanted to show herself I suppose.

TL;DR - Tried to forgive a bully, it backfired and I learned my lesson to never forgive bullies for as long as I live. :thumbup:
 

aloneloner

Active member
I forgive most of them..I honestly felt like it was mostly my fault, my therapist had to convince me otherwise. In situations where I knew I was not at fault, I would never forgive them. most of those situations go beyond bullying tho
 
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