Why should I continue to live?

hangbi92

Well-known member
Sometimes I ask myself this question too. Seeing the other have friends, enjoy a happy life without any fear or anxiety... while I have nothing. Im a boring and depressed person. No life. No ambition. No talent. No friends. Nothing at all. Im like a puppet that always waits for someone to pull the strings. But Im afraid of death. Im too weak. I feel like Im stuck in this world, having no way to escape from this harsh reality. My life is still a long road ahead, how am I supposed to continue to walk on it?
But I have founded the answer for myself, that is: I live for the other people who care about me. Sometimes I recall the memory when my dad took me to the gruel store everyday after school despite his busy work. And the way he put the egg into my gruel bowl, the way he handed the bowl to me, the way he wachted me eating... All those thoughtful gestures are all still here in my head. Right now Im living far away from him but I can still feel the affection of a dad. It may sound weird but when I was chatting online with him, he asked me to eat my dinner in front of the webcam. He wanted to know what I was eating. And he was just sitting there watching me eating like he did when I was a small kid, and I could see him smiling. I shed my tears whenever I think about it. And Im shedding my tears right now when Im writing these lines. How can I betray the belief and affection of a great person like him, a man who has been working hard the whole life only for the future of his children. I owe him too much.
Thats my own answer. I have to live for the people who I love and believe in. If oneday Im not alive anymore, the person who suffers from the greates pain is not me, but them.
 
It may sound weird but when I was chatting online with him, he asked me to eat my dinner in front of the webcam. He wanted to know what I was eating. And he was just sitting there watching me eating like he did when I was a small kid, and I could see him smiling.

This made me very emotional and teary-eyed, those shivers. I grew up without a father.
 

hangbi92

Well-known member
This made me very emotional and teary-eyed, those shivers. I grew up without a father.

Im sorry to hear that illuminationSP. That must be a great emotional loss for one to suffer from. But Im sure that there are still people who care about you. Even if u dont have any now u have to live to know that there will be people who actually care about you out there. The people in this forum are all so nice, arent they? Just a few minutes ago Im in a great loss of emotion and thanks to them Im getting better now. This site has been a source of emotional support for me since I knew it. And as they said, they all love you. So just keep living and u will find the answer for yourself.
 
I constantly consider my future and what I desire:


whoa, you're better than I.


I refuse to think about the future because it only makes me depressed and suicidal.

The best way for me to deal with my situation is to live in the present with disregard for the outside world.


Sometimes I honestly don't even know what day it is and I like it that way.



I actually prefer to be isolated than to see couples smiling in bliss and people enjoying their lives everywhere I go while I'm miserable 24/7


if I actually took part in this world and realized how lame I was compared to everyone else then I probably would have offed myself years ago.


so basically I'm extremely lonely but at the same time I probably wouldn't want it any other way unfortunately.


ugh, "thinking" about my situation(like just now) makes me depressed......................... as
long as my mind is numb, everything is alright



venting.............
 
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enlightenME

New member
Hi I'm new. I went straight to this subject because I have been feeling the same way as of late. What I can say from my own exp. is that it does change. I personally seem to operate in cycles and its done wonders for me to try and notice the cycle im currently in (or going in), it helps me to not feel so "lost" just floating around in the world.

I try to focus on now, but its not easy. I know from AA that u just focus on this moment. then the next. etc etc. then u stretch it out to 5,10,30 minutes whatever is comfortable for you. for me its the overwhelming feeling of emotions that drag me down into some dark abyss. If i can manage to take it apart and deal with it piece by piece I get less anxious.

I wish the best for you as no one should have to live in the dark.
It took alot of courage to display your true feelings. And I for one felt less alone by your courage. I believe we have all the power in us to outshine the darkness if we can get out of our own way. One of my favorite sayings is:

"Be a light unto oneself"

I hope that helps some.
 

anomicdeer

Well-known member
Yeah. Why should I stay alive...?

There are things I want to stay alive for. I want to feel that I've accomplished something but then... if I can't do that... how will I live?

Actually I don't know how to explain what I wanted to say.

I do want to live for certain things but right now... I don't have what I need to start. I don't feel good about myself... I don't have what I need to be independent... so that I can accomplish something.

I don't know.
 

strangerBecky

New member
People love you. You might not have met them yet or met that side of someone but people do.

You don't know me but I care enough about you to tell you that this it would be a wrong decision for you to end your life... Look forward to the future. Do whatever makes you happy... Move to another country, go travelling, go on a night out with friends, run around naked!!! anything... just do something that makes you happy... Good luck and I hope you find the answer to your question.
 
People love you. You might not have met them yet or met that side of someone but people do.

You don't know me but I care enough about you to tell you that this it would be a wrong decision for you to end your life... Look forward to the future. Do whatever makes you happy... Move to another country, go travelling, go on a night out with friends, run around naked!!! anything... just do something that makes you happy... Good luck and I hope you find the answer to your question.

Such kind words. I care about you, too. I plan to move to a different country (one of my main goals) but I don't want to ruin anyone's eyesight by running around naked.

Well, I'm beginning to learn that more and more people do care about me... something that I never believed in before. It's just a matter of allowing myself to be loved, and to believe that I'm worthy of it -- that's the problem.
 

NinjaLikesToast

Well-known member
For some reason, this post reminded me of a lyric from a band called From autumn to ashes that goes "She keeps on asking "do you think it hurts much to die"
"It's hurting so much more to stay alive now"
Not sure how, or why I think that applies here.. but it can ring true far to often :S

I think you will move through this. Questioning your life is nothing to be taken lightly. Perhaps you need to seek some sort of professional help? Or talk to one of your parents? I'm not sure what your full situation is, but there are people willing to help.
 
For some reason, this post reminded me of a lyric from a band called From autumn to ashes that goes "She keeps on asking "do you think it hurts much to die"
"It's hurting so much more to stay alive now"
Not sure how, or why I think that applies here.. but it can ring true far to often :S

I think you will move through this. Questioning your life is nothing to be taken lightly. Perhaps you need to seek some sort of professional help? Or talk to one of your parents? I'm not sure what your full situation is, but there are people willing to help.

lol Read my 'I'm going to the mental hospital now' thread ::p:.
Yeah, I'd say those lyrics do apply to me.
 

lef09012

Well-known member
I hope you'll feel okay now.



I have the same question too.

I think I'm still alive just because I don't know what happens after I died.
I don't want to suffer worse than now.

Hope I can get rid of this problem. Without this, life would be much better.
 

urzad

Member
a bright day will come for sure. i am also in the same problem as u are but am still living waiting for that bright day.
 
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