Why does everyone end up hating me?

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EmDash

Member
So that's the question I've been asking myself since I was 10. I don't feel like people hate me, I know for sure. All my once closest friends litterally come right out and say they can't stand who I am or anything about me. I don't know why, I would be perfectly ok with it all if I could just figure out why they all dislike me so I can change that about myself. I've reverted into a state of chamelionism, pretty much changing my personality as best I can towards people who are likeable and easy to be around. However, no matter how hard I try it always ends up the same, the closer I get to someone the closer I get to that imminent implosion where they disconnect from me as their friend and hate me with a huge grudge that can only be explained by me doing something horrible and yet I don't even know what it is. If anyone can offer any suggestions I'll be monitoring this thread so I can ask and answer questions to help discover why I'm such a horrible person.. thanks..

Also this is my first post.. please don't judge me too much for how bland it looks x.x <3
 
Srijita52

Srijita52

Well-known member
Did you ask them the reason for saying so? Maybe you were just friends with wrong people, your personalities might be different?
Welcome to the forum btw.
 
E

EmDash

Member
Thank you very much and yes, I've asked them all, or at least tried to, some won't respond, some end up changing the subject and then not responding. I feel like everyone is just playing my emotions as a game. Also, it can't just be them, it HAS to be me, litterally EVERYONE ends up feeling this way about me. I just can't put my finger on why. Perhaps over my time here you guys can understand me, I'll post more often and see if anyone notices anything.. I joined this forum because this morning an old old friend of mine, who wants to like me but finds me insufferably annoying told me about how so many people past and present hate me, naming some of the closest people I knew who I knew didn't like me anymore. He wanted to know why too but he couldn't imagine it was just from me being annoying at times. After I sort of.. poured out my soul and explained how everyone ends up feeling this way after around a year I called it a "curse" and once I was done he didn't respond. (this was online btw)I ended up having an emotional breakdown and proceeded to sign up for this forum after searching a few things.

So here I am, confused and hurt and hated, no clue why.. I love everyone I know. I am a really nice guy, I'm forgiving under every circumstance and willing to give people another shot no matter what because I believe they can change and be sorry for their choices. I give everything I have and what I don't have to make people smile, and I'm constantly trying to make people laugh just so I can hear their joy.. how could I be so hated by so many? I just can't wrap my head around it..
 
Srijita52

Srijita52

Well-known member
EmDash said:
Thank you very much and yes, I've asked them all, or at least tried to, some won't respond, some end up changing the subject and then not responding. I feel like everyone is just playing my emotions as a game. Also, it can't just be them, it HAS to be me, litterally EVERYONE ends up feeling this way about me. I just can't put my finger on why. Perhaps over my time here you guys can understand me, I'll post more often and see if anyone notices anything.. I joined this forum because this morning an old old friend of mine, who wants to like me but finds me insufferably annoying told me about how so many people past and present hate me, naming some of the closest people I knew who I knew didn't like me anymore. He wanted to know why too but he couldn't imagine it was just from me being annoying at times. After I sort of.. poured out my soul and explained how everyone ends up feeling this way after around a year I called it a "curse" and once I was done he didn't respond. (this was online btw)I ended up having an emotional breakdown and proceeded to sign up for this forum after searching a few things.

So here I am, confused and hurt and hated, no clue why.. I love everyone I know. I am a really nice guy, I'm forgiving under every circumstance and willing to give people another shot no matter what because I believe they can change and be sorry for their choices. I give everything I have and what I don't have to make people smile, and I'm constantly trying to make people laugh just so I can hear their joy.. how could I be so hated by so many? I just can't wrap my head around it..
Click to expand...
You do seem like a nice person. I don't have any answers but I'll be looking forward to read more of your posts. :)
 
ultra_materialist

ultra_materialist

Active member
EmDash said:
I joined this forum because this morning an old old friend of mine, who wants to like me but finds me insufferably annoying told me about how so many people past and present hate me, naming some of the closest people I knew who I knew didn't like me anymore.
Click to expand...

Let me tell you something.

Six years ago I had a friend(I will call him Tommy).
So, Tommy was a good guy... he and my other friends(5 guys) were together all the time, playing video-games, eating stuff and talking bull****.

Tommy was a cool guy, but he had a problem. He get in our places ALL the time, all the time man, every'****ing'day he will appear in somebodys house and stay there until night. He was really annoying and we didn't had the courage to talk about this with him.
We started to ignore him and we lost contact...

Sometimes I talk with him but he is a different guy now. And another friend of mine told to him why he ignored him in the past. He agreed that he was annoying as hell...(he said that he was like that because he lost his father... the trauma was so big that he lost his personality)

So the problem with him was: The guy was a glue, got it ?
And another bad thing about him is that he talked bad things about everyone to everyone in the group.

He is different now... but, man. That guy was a pain the ass.

Now I don't have too much contact with those guys anymore.
But i can tell you, that guy... was ****ing annoying.

Maybe you have a personality issue like him. Who knows ? You should talk to us and say how do you deal with your friends. There are universal traits that everybody hates in other person... you should talk more.
 
knowlife

knowlife

Well-known member
what is the subject matter of most conversations with other people? when you talk about yourself is it always about the curse and how unfair life is?
 
E

EmDash

Member
knowlife said:
what is the subject matter of most conversations with other people? when you talk about yourself is it always about the curse and how unfair life is?
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No, I don't whine and moan about how bad life sucks even though I really do have a pretty ****ty life. When I mention things that come up because of the subject matter people are usually like "Wow, that really sucks dood" so I understand my life sucks but I don't feel like spreading that misery into other people for the sake of attention or pity.

As for the poster above you, that makes a lot of sense. I understand I can probably get really clingy and annoying at times, even though I haven't lost my father or mother I never really had one, I had to grow up in a drugged up abusive environment and was robbed of my childhood. Molested at 6 years old and never really got to talk to my mom much since she was always doing crack cocaine over the murder of my 6 year old brother and the trial that lasted 18 years about his murderer. I grew up in a pretty tough environment but I still manage to find joy and laughter every single day since I know it's all in the past now and the only way to keep things good is to stay positive and look towards the future. So I'm not really whiny about stuff like that and perhaps I actually do have some sort of emotional trauma associated with things like that. There are some things I didn't mention that are much worse but I don't really feel like doing so right now since it would probably make me cry lol.

Sorry to sound like a downer though.
 
mikebird

mikebird

Banned
knowlife said:
what is the subject matter of most conversations with other people? when you talk about yourself is it always about the curse and how unfair life is?
Click to expand...

Yep. You got it.

Life in two sentences.

If one of us starts with our own life outlook, probably generated by two parents, and everyone takes it as weird, strange, not good enough...

Alien life
 
fedupoffear88

fedupoffear88

Well-known member
Hey man,

Welcome to SPB! I am so sorry to hear that! I seriously do not know what to say, but all I can say is sometimes people cannot realize what they are doing wrong but others hate them for it. I will give you one example, I had this co-worker recently who was annoying as hell as it was his nature to ask the same damn question, try to be oversmart and just had no idea how to act normally in respect to the situation he was in. For him, he was perfectly normal and didn't see anything wrong, bur for everyone else, he was just a pain in the ass. To elaborate, I quit that job (well ofcourse not because of him, lol) due to school and I met this guy recently who I used to see once a week at work and one of the very first things he tells me is how annoying this guy is! Well, so what I am try to say is, the only way someone can help you is for them to tell you what is the reason they hate you. You think you might be changing your personality, but still you might end up acting somewhat the same...
BTW, I have to applaud you for your inner personal strength! Eventhough you have been through so much in life, you are still fighting each and every day! I say don't give up, never give up! That is waht I tell myself everyday!
 
E

EmDash

Member
fedupoffear88 said:
Hey man,

Welcome to SPB! I am so sorry to hear that! I seriously do not know what to say, but all I can say is sometimes people cannot realize what they are doing wrong but others hate them for it. I will give you one example, I had this co-worker recently who was annoying as hell as it was his nature to ask the same damn question, try to be oversmart and just had no idea how to act normally in respect to the situation he was in. For him, he was perfectly normal and didn't see anything wrong, bur for everyone else, he was just a pain in the ass. To elaborate, I quit that job (well ofcourse not because of him, lol) due to school and I met this guy recently who I used to see once a week at work and one of the very first things he tells me is how annoying this guy is! Well, so what I am try to say is, the only way someone can help you is for them to tell you what is the reason they hate you. You think you might be changing your personality, but still you might end up acting somewhat the same...
BTW, I have to applaud you for your inner personal strength! Eventhough you have been through so much in life, you are still fighting each and every day! I say don't give up, never give up! That is waht I tell myself everyday!
Click to expand...

Hey thanks a lot. That really lifts my spirits to see someone actually give a damn about me or act like it. And all this stuff has really opened my eyes, I think I might just be that annoying person, and if I am the best way to figure out how to fix it is to.. well.. huh.. figure out how to fix it I suppose. Maybe I can find someone else here who had the same issues hopefully. I appreciate the support!
 
ikbenrifi

ikbenrifi

Well-known member
Maybe you just have to give people some distance, and concentrate on your goals , let them look for you instead of you pursuing them !
 
Srijita52

Srijita52

Well-known member
I'm sorry about what you went through. You're a very strong person and you also care about others very much.
But I agree with ikbenrifi, maybe you need to give them some space, just concentrate on yourself and try to take care of yourself.
 
ultra_materialist

ultra_materialist

Active member
Guy, talk with your friends about this. Ask why they don't like you... you need to know. If everybody is like that with you, maybe... you have an issue. And you need to fix that.

Even if your friends stop talking with you it will be good to learn what is going on.
Look, I will give an idiot example. I smoke a lot... ok ? I am smoking right now.
One day a friend of mine told me: Hey, the smell of cigarret in you is disgusting...
I solved the problem, now i smoke some very good Menthol. The smell is good, even a girl asked for a cigarret two days ago(I almost stard to believe in god again)
So, you need to solve your problem. I know that your problem is more complex. But I am giving you an example to show that conversation is the best thing.
We need to know more about the "annoying" stuff. What do you do to people that is annoying ? If you don't know, ask and tell us.


OFF: I don't know, but reading some people problems here is helping me. I am talking with my friends again, I am getting better. I think this forum helped me and I would like to thanks everyone that shares information about their issues, because to know that other people are fighting against anxiety is... awesome.
I don't if I am just in a good mood. but ... thanks .
 
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THeCARS1979

THeCARS1979

Well-known member
EmDash said:
So that's the question I've been asking myself since I was 10. I don't feel like people hate me, I know for sure. All my once closest friends litterally come right out and say they can't stand who I am or anything about me. I don't know why, I would be perfectly ok with it all if I could just figure out why they all dislike me so I can change that about myself. I've reverted into a state of chamelionism, pretty much changing my personality as best I can towards people who are likeable and easy to be around. However, no matter how hard I try it always ends up the same, the closer I get to someone the closer I get to that imminent implosion where they disconnect from me as their friend and hate me with a huge grudge that can only be explained by me doing something horrible and yet I don't even know what it is. If anyone can offer any suggestions I'll be monitoring this thread so I can ask and answer questions to help discover why I'm such a horrible person.. thanks..

Also this is my first post.. please don't judge me too much for how bland it looks x.x <3
Click to expand...

Are you sure you didnt do something or say something derogatory to them?
Maybe you spent to much time near them ?
 
S

Silatuyok

Well-known member
EmDash said:
I'm constantly trying to make people laugh just so I can hear their joy..
Click to expand...

Maybe you're not as funny as you think you are? Being around an overly goofy/silly person can get tiresome. Otherwise, I have no idea why people would dislike you, based on your description of yourself.
 
KiaKaha

KiaKaha

Banned
I dont know - I have exactly the same problem. I am just starting to think that people just dont want to associate with people who they dont deem "good enough" based on superficial values - or there is not enough inclination to get to know someone better based on biases and prejudice of what kind of person someone thinks you are.

Its about other people - not me....and Its the only explanation I can come up with.

I dont know if my own attitude is the cause or the effect of constant rejection - all I know is that in my life - very very few people want anything to do with me more than acquaintance.

Go figure.
 
9407

9407

Well-known member
I have a similar issue. It seems like whenever I make a friend someone else comes into our group and my original friend ends up liking that other person better. Either that, or the person makes another friend and ends up chilling with them and liking them more. This **** has happened to me about 6 times in my life. Definitely one of the causes of my SA.
 
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