Why do i push people away

I like to push people away, I just love to make people sad for some reason, then I feel bad and miserable, but I like it :?
I think I am very shallow, I don't care about any kind of relationship except SEX.

cypher828 said:

I think more normal folks dont persue friendship with me cause i dont really reciprocate, so the only people i hang out with are increasingly messed up (codependent?) which certainly doesnt help.

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Co-dependent people tend to gravitate towards me aswell when they're fighting with their friends and the next day they'll be off laughing with them again.

I unintentionally push people I like away cause I can't keep them engaged yet always expect them to initiate interest. That's the only way I've ever been able to make friends. I'm currently grieving over such a missed opportunity now that freaking out cause the ball was in my court didn't help anything. If only people could read my feelings without me having to express them!

They probably read my intentions wrong but I am too shy to go up to anyone and confess I actually am lonely and want to reciprocate and respond adequately to their offer... even though such pride is insecure. If I can't meet their needs why should I keep longing for them to meet mine?

I would feel too embarrassed and belittled chasing after them, fearing rejection and never having anything to say.

thereishope said:

yeah i can totally relate. when i first meet someone i'm all nice and talkative, but after a day or two, i tend to withdraw. i'm also not good with getting close to people, even family, and i never offer hugs or say 'i love you' (now i'm crying) , i am such a freak! i know it must hurt my mum that i am so cold, i know it sounds silly but i'm just too embarrassed to do those things. the way i am right now i don't think i'll ever have a boyfriend, and it really kills me cos i'm actually a romantic at heart. . is there anyone else who is as freakish as me?

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Awww.. just like you, I'm crap at expressing emotions such as saying 'i love you' (even to friends) or hugging people. I think it's because of my education. My parents have a bad wedding, and there was no hugging or touching in our life. Same goes for conversations. I never learned how to talk on an emotional level. My brother and dad have Asperger's syndrome, they're just very non-emotional people.

It never bothered me until I got to that age where you're supposed to have your first relationship, first boyfriend etc.
Now I'm 25 and still when people (try to) hug me I feel awkward. And it's noticeable, because I physically freeze and they think it's because I'm repulsed by them or something! My closest friends know though so they're not bothered by it, they just try to hug me anyway. :lol:
And it's not that I don't like it, I'm just not used to it. I have a lot of catching up to do. (makes me sad, because I feel like I should've gone through that stage 10 years ago)

ive distance from my family . i live with my brother and his wife (have my own studio), and my mom has her own studio (2 story house). ive always kept to myself even as a young kid. ppl who want to interact with me other than because they must work etc im cold to. if they ask me personal stuff like if i have a girlfriend kids etc i tell them to not ask me personal questions or any other simple conversations they want to start i purposely give them yes no and give them the cold shoulder.

One thing that really angers me is when people stare at me in public or even my family. Whats worse is that (now im not conceited so dont think im being cocky here) im not bad looking and im pretty fit so theres been times back in grade school , out in public, at the gym that ive been apprroached by girls that will attempt to start a conversation or tell me upfront they like me i pull away. i can feel a strong physical attraction to them but i always distance. its really sad because ill just stay quiet and keep on moving dont even answer them. ive been called jerk asshole, been called gay and all.

I avoid eye contact with everyone , i feel if i make eye contact with a guy its like if there challenging me . with a female its more that i dont want to give off the wrong impression.

after reading some of the other replies here i see most of you feel bad about the way you feel or interact. im actually ok with it but sometimes when i anylize it I wonder if i have some type of attention disorder like i will give no attention to people only to non animated things or something im actually doing.

i seem to do it all the time and reading all this makes me realize how much i do it i cant make eye contact i feel closed in all the time but i suppose after years of bullying and misery ive learned to live lonely and forget what it feels like to be liked and appreciated but its nice to know im not the only one

thereishope said:

yeah i can totally relate. when i first meet someone i'm all nice and talkative, but after a day or two, i tend to withdraw. i'm also not good with getting close to people, even family, and i never offer hugs or say 'i love you' (now i'm crying) , i am such a freak! i know it must hurt my mum that i am so cold, i know it sounds silly but i'm just too embarrassed to do those things. the way i am right now i don't think i'll ever have a boyfriend, and it really kills me cos i'm actually a romantic at heart. . is there anyone else who is as freakish as me?

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I'm exactly the same as you. At the moment i'm mourning the loss of my bestest mate, a loss because i kept pushing him away. I couldn't tell him that i loved him A beautiful person but could be a bit harsh with his words at times when i needed the kind words. And then i started to think that he was just making fun of me and my sad life. So i started pushing. And he was gone before i even realised that i had pushed him.
I am crap at picking friends and boyfriends. I either pick users or people that i really really like but can't communicate with them. What can i possibly do to change this fear of letting people get close to me?

thereishope said:

yeah i can totally relate. when i first meet someone i'm all nice and talkative, but after a day or two, i tend to withdraw. i'm also not good with getting close to people, even family, and i never offer hugs or say 'i love you' (now i'm crying) , i am such a freak! i know it must hurt my mum that i am so cold, i know it sounds silly but i'm just too embarrassed to do those things. the way i am right now i don't think i'll ever have a boyfriend, and it really kills me cos i'm actually a romantic at heart. . is there anyone else who is as freakish as me?

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yes im like u especially when u say u meet people first 2 days ur chatty then after that you withdraw, this pains me at work becase when i first started i had planned on remaining happy and chatty but no, i dread work because everyone else can have a convo n i cant

thereishope said:

yeah i can totally relate. when i first meet someone i'm all nice and talkative, but after a day or two, i tend to withdraw. i'm also not good with getting close to people, even family, and i never offer hugs or say 'i love you' (now i'm crying) , i am such a freak! i know it must hurt my mum that i am so cold, i know it sounds silly but i'm just too embarrassed to do those things. the way i am right now i don't think i'll ever have a boyfriend, and it really kills me cos i'm actually a romantic at heart. . is there anyone else who is as freakish as me?

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I'm exactly the same. Small talk's no problem. It's the forging-friendships and bonding part that's hard. *sigh*

i understand how you feel.im 18 and i feel like ill end up alone.i grew up with out a dad and my mom left me just as i was getting into high school to party.i had to grow up fast and because of it im jaded and insecure.if people knew that this cute bubbly blonde was really sad lonely and hated her life they might not like her. people leave me all the time without explanation and it hurts because it feel like im not worth people staying.i cant keep people in my life.i burn bridges because its safer then letting them close to hurt you.and the more people push me the more i want/dont want them too.it sucks because i feel desperately alone and i have no clue how to fix it.

I can't believe that there are so many people who seem to have similar attachment issues. Similarly, I'm chatty and bubbly, almost hyper when i first meet people, but later I just can't ever think of anything to say, so I end up pushing them away for fear that they will discover that I'm actually boring. I never say I Love You to anyone, not even my parents, and it's a painful silence that I always feel guilty about at the end of every conversation. I just live with so much regret, I can never let go of anything that happened in the past. Whenever I have a chance at a friendship or relationship I panic, how would I still be able to hide such a great part of myself from them? For I am sure that if they knew everything about me they wouldn't be so eager, I can see it in people's eyes whenever I open up ever so slightly. Whenever I open up I immediately feel vulnerable and I cut off those people the most. It's almost as if I enjoy being miserable and alone, wallowing in self pity, and I hate myself for how pathetic that is. I never keep in touch with any friends whenever I move, I feel as if suddenly they'll realise that I'm not worth knowing. I get really protective of my friends, the few that I have, but I always feel that our friendship is uneven. I fell like I can never give back their friendship in the same way. I always feel like I'm a charity case. All of my friends ended up at med school or oxbridge or harvard and I'm stuck at an unknown uni. I'm intelligent enough, I just never do any work. I'm just not motivated or ambitious. I love music and I'll end up spending hours listening, it's the only time that I really feel connected. After a conversation in a group I'll think that was a great convo, then realise that I didn't say anything, I just stood there listening, how strange that must have looked. I spend my time daydreaming, not in real life. I've slowly withdrawn into my room. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy parties but I feel uncomfortable at the keggers here because I don't know anyone and they're all so relaxed. I've finally lost what few friends I had. I used to sail and hike and stuff but I never get out anymore.

chewbacca16 said:

I love music and I'll end up spending hours listening, it's the only time that I really feel connected. After a conversation in a group I'll think that was a great convo, then realise that I didn't say anything, I just stood there listening, how strange that must have looked. I spend my time daydreaming, not in real life. I've slowly withdrawn into my room. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy parties but I feel uncomfortable at the keggers here because I don't know anyone and they're all so relaxed. I've finally lost what few friends I had.

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I can really relate to your words, specially the ones I quoted- its exactly how I feel.
As I am soo shy and introverted it is really hard for me to connect with people. And when I do start trusting someone I eventually end up pushing them away. Thats not intentional, and most of the times i've no idea what I do but it always happens to me, no matter what I do.
Honestly I really like to be alone, i need that time on my own but sometimes I wish I had more friends and that I could feel more comfortable with them to talk about my feelings. Recently I met this guy and I dont know how, because it never happened to me before, but I opened up to him and started talking about things I never talk about- about me, my problems and feelings. It was a wonderful feeling, I finally felt like I found someone who I could talk to and feel comfortable about that. But somehow things changed, Ive no idea of what happened- now I dont have those kind of conversations with him anymore- its like slowly hes going away. Probably he just got bored of me I dont know, but now I just dont seem to be able to talk to him anymore, I dont now what else to say. I dont want to lose him but I just have no idea what I can do. I would ask him what happened but I cant do that :S
I ve never had a relationship but I though this time things were going to work out somehow- i really believed that. But now that hopes are gone. The reason I could talk to him that easily was because he would be the one to ask me how I felt, he would be the one who said he cared about me and liked to talk with me as he knew I would not talk about it or say that words if not asked about it. But now he doesnt do that anymore, I feel like he got tired of being the one always taking the first step. Or maybe he just doesnt relialize how much he means to me and thinks that I dont want to talk to him- he would always be the one who started texting me or asked to hang out so he probably thought I didint want to talk with him . what he doesnt know is that im always waiting for him to text me-- but it never happens, and probably never will. I want so desperately to talk with him about that, I miss that so much, but I just cant. I dont have the courage to do that. I stare at my cells screen for hours but cant send any text or call him (maybe that sounds stupid..). Hum.. probably I just not meant to be around people, and cant be that close to anyone because everytime I be friends with someone theyll eventually go away
Well im sorry about that, i didnt think i was going to write that much and im sorry about any language mistakes