Why are people mean to shy/quiet people

Richey

Richey

Well-known member
i think if you work in hospitality( head chefs) or a trade like construction or you work in a factory but just generally around very confident bullying types of people then the shy people may end up being the wall that these people kick against ..it tends to reveal the nasty side of outwardly arrogant people but its very common. you'll come across people who "think they know it all" and arn't open to different ideas and dont like other people inteferring with their cushy place on the social ladder. so people tend to step on others to try and look like they are leaders and have the knack for authority ...sad but true and these people are messed up in terms of social skills and the understanding and empathy for other people.
 
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honeydippedxo

Well-known member
Because we're extreamly sesitive so most of the time they dont think they're being mean. once someone realizes they can step on you they will! also people think we dont like them cause we dont talk to them so they dont like us in return.
 
JamesSmith

JamesSmith

Well-known member
People don't like what they aren't. Plus, the people that insult us are like children: If you show a small child people that act the same and then throw in someone that is different, the child will say, "Look daddy, there goes that weirdo!" These insulters are immature.
 
WiSe

WiSe

Member
Ive been told that people would sometimes percieve me as inimidating or stuck up. when in reality im pretty much just quiet and shy. maybe they assume that we think were too good for them so they attack back off of those assumptions. just my guess mixed with a bit of heresay
 
skins

skins

1
If you are worrying about something (even if about whether the people will like you or not!) it shows on your face and people may think you are thinking negatively about them! (So it may be good to think about something vaguely upbeat and friendly! This depends on who you are approaching though, for some people stern looks may work better.)
..this sums it up for me as being the most likely cause. also the fact they think we are less likely to bite back when confronted, so in believeing they will get an easy win and boost to their ego.
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D

deleted user 1

Guest
It doesn't reflect well on our society, but I have to agree. I noticed how people's attitude and behaviour towards me changed as I became more quiet. Despite being one of the most successful academically, they started treating me like I was a vegetable. They would talk to me the same way that you'd talk to a damn toddler! I seething in anger, but lost my ability to bite back. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't find my tongue. Some people like to pick on quiet people to get a laugh from everyone else, others will include you into their group as they see you as a non-threat, others will simply try to take advantage of you, and then there are the bullys. It's tough. And makes it all the more difficult to not try and deal with your problem. In my case, if I had to tell everyone that I had SA, it would only confirm, in their minds, how inferior I am. This has led to a tug-o-war of emotions, of my anger towards people and also the need for social interaction. There's no escaping the fact that we are hard-wired to be social beings, and being alone is unhealthy. Meh... I need a coffee XD
 
Alistair

Alistair

Well-known member
I agree with a lot of what people have said from intimidation, power control, and not realizing. As the world treats it "Survival of the fittest" and it can be fit anywhere, but this is a good place to see it as well.

It's just a matter of how you take it, you can take it to heart, or shrug it off. I know how hard it is to shrug it off and I still deal with that now and again, despite a long learning curve. I'm sure it helps, despite my work environmental sucks, I have to take some abuse of people yelling at you, and can't let that get to you.
 
Hastings & Main

Hastings & Main

Well-known member
Reassuring their own self-confidence in one of the most cowardly/easy/don't-gotta-think-much ways they can.

However, this can also be a kind of social testing, to see if the 'victim' is worthy of friendship, or to bind with in an alpha way, if you have the mettle to match wits, etc.

I'm generally a very quiet person (in fact at one job I had a female co-worker nick-named me Quiet One, albeit in a nice way), so I get ribbed a lot at work, tho' not in a 'bad' way. Unfortunately I have an acid tongue (I even made a bouncer cry once - I kinda felt bad later after I stopped running & lost him) and can't really throw any comebacks around without further alienating myself there.

As said, self-confidence, or just putting on an act of self-confidence, usually slows it down to a halt after a while. And the more you act self-confident, the more it latches on & grows into your personality.
 
Honda

Honda

Well-known member
Hastings & Main said:
Reassuring their own self-confidence in one of the most cowardly/easy/don't-gotta-think-much ways they can.

However, this can also be a kind of social testing, to see if the 'victim' is worthy of friendship, or to bind with in an alpha way, if you have the mettle to match wits, etc.

I'm generally a very quiet person (in fact at one job I had a female co-worker nick-named me Quiet One, albeit in a nice way), so I get ribbed a lot at work, tho' not in a 'bad' way. Unfortunately I have an acid tongue (I even made a bouncer cry once - I kinda felt bad later after I stopped running & lost him) and can't really throw any comebacks around without further alienating myself there.

As said, self-confidence, or just putting on an act of self-confidence, usually slows it down to a halt after a while. And the more you act self-confident, the more it latches on & grows into your personality.
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Makes alot of sense.. Some of the stuff i experienced wasnt actually bullying back in the days but more like people trying to see if im worth making friendships with.. Others managed to tolerate the behavior..
 
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redmatter

Well-known member
TAMPA-BAY said:
I agree with all the comments so far.

#1 The strong always prey on the weak or Weaker.
#2 Half the time what we call mean is not seen as mean by some one else; so we have to also take a look at our selves and ask if we are not just too sensetive.

I remember when i was young i thought my parents were mean. From that vantige point it felt that way but when you get older things look diffrent now compared to then.
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Always annoyed when I read these posts.. of course, I understand - in society it is considered a "weakness", but this does not describe weak people. The people taking advantage of them are weak people.
 
FriendlyShadow

FriendlyShadow

Well-known member
This is from my personal opinion why. People who are born with getting used to seeing how tv shows and movies portray the extrovert/introvert is how they pick up on the behavior. It seems funnily enough fantasy literally has met with reality(in cases for these extroverted mouths these days). These illogical and incorrigible behaviors with these people I find has become such a problem but knowing that they others(including the bullies themselves) can be allowed to do this. Which is why you don't actually see schools taking care of this, parents doing a lazy *** job with raising their kids, and being exposed with too much of society views. But I guess we all know nothing will ever change. I still won't give in to becoming an extrovert to fit in. :no:
 
Quietguy11

Quietguy11

Well-known member
Extroverted people who are either assertive or domineering tend to look at quiet, shy people as passive and easy to manipulate because we are too emotionally sensitive to stand up for ourselves, and they know that. Extroverted people abuse their ability to speak in public by saying anything that they want. If they have something to criticize you with, they will do it in a heartbeat, without batting an eye, because they know they can get away with it because they are the dominant speaker vs the shy introvert.
 
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jaim38

Well-known member
Yeah I could be sitting there alone, just minding my own business, and then bullies would target me. It's like, why do I deserve such treatment. I didn't steal, cheat, or murder anybody. Even Jesse James had it easier than I do, he got dumped 3-4 times and now he's married again, to another rich woman. I just don't understand society.

This is why I'm so scared of going out in public alone, especially if I have to sit in class alone while everybody else is talking to each other and then they look at me and comment on how quiet I am. I feel so vulnerable, so I start studying which makes it even worse because then people say I'm always studying. So they think I must be stupid to spend so much time studying. I just want to be left alone. Don't like being picked apart.

**Edit: I just realize I compared myself to Jesse James! And I told myself so many times to stop comparing myself to other people. I guess I did that unconsciously.
 
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Flanscho

Flanscho

Well-known member
Mean people are mean to shy/quiet people, not everyone is. The reason for that is that shy people are very passive, and rarely, if at all, fight back, so they are, to some people, like living punching bags. But who cares? In most cases, we are not forced to spend long amounts of time with such people.
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
Mean people are mean to everyone, and that is damaging to quiet shy sensitive people
 
Odo

Odo

Banned
I don't think they're mean to you because you're shy... more because you look weak or are wrecking their fun.

Lots of people can sell their shyness to others to a point. I could pull it off until my 20s... some people thought it was cute. I wasn't super popular or even very happy or anything, but yeah... a certain kind of person was drawn to that.

To be honest, though... a lot of these people were rather new to the whole 'shy friend' thing and didn't understand the long-term implications of dealing with someone who is hopelessly awkward and anxious in situations where they themselves are not.
 
sahxox

sahxox

Well-known member
We're different to most when we act like this, and some people don't like that.
Mind you, out of the people who've picked on me, every single one of them is someone I'd consider to be a general idiot/dumber than average/one of those extroverted losers who aims to befriend everyone but is generally received without much respect.
When I'm feeling anxious/quiet and the people around me are self-confident and nice, don't seem to notice/mind. Why should anyone really? If they're decent then they are content with themselves, and don't need to fill this void of what they perceive as our rejection of them by making their snide remarks.
Basically no-one I've ever held with esteem, even if I don't know them, has picked on me. It's always the dumb erratic person.
 
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ShadowCookie

Active member
I was really quiet and kept to myself in school so I could avoid certain people, and so hopefully people would just leave me alone, but at times it appeared to make the situation even worse. They saw me as an easy target and knew that I would just stay quiet and let them say whatever they wanted to me. I would try and do other things so hopefully they would just ignore me and leave me alone, such as pretending to write things, or perhaps look at my phone to make it look like I'm not a complete loner, but to no avail. People noticed very much that I was quiet, usually a lone and said nothing to anyone. They knew that they could walk all over me and push me around because there is no way that I would say anything to them or do anything to them.
 
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Bronson99

Bronson99

Well-known member
Shy and awkward people deserve poor treatment, it's our fault, we could all change easily and fit in.

If there's ever a day where you don't feel overwhelmed, envious, or angry, I would curse that day, it doesn't reflect reality. I think we should all pray for more negative thoughts, more bullying, and more isolation, we shall wither away faster that way, which may be a good thing. It's not like anyone will miss us!
 
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