What one thing made right would make you happier in life?

Obviously a lot of us are depressed or go through cycles of depression. I know I am depressed all the time. My question is, if you could take anything in your life, maybe something that makes you depressed more than anything else, and make it right, what would that be? please don't just say just SA in general because that is basically the root of all the problems for most of us. Rather, be more specific, for example, having the courage to go to college, or maybe being able to talk to people.

For me, it is my love life. I have never had a relationship. I think it is my worst problem. I don't want to die alone. I always see lots of potential girls for me, but I never do anything about it. I always wussy out, like a wimp, like a loser. A recent example is a new girl who started working at the place I work. She was shy, nice, and beautiful. What did I do about it? Nothing! We looked at each other a couple of times, but I just stood there! Then guess what happened... some other kid who works there got to her! He is unshy, didn't seem like her type at all, but he got her! I saw her first. It really pisses me off when unshy people steal the shy girls from shy people like me. Shit like that makes me never want to go back to that stupid job anyways. I'm sorry for cussing, I know it's bad, but I just want to show how mad I am. I have no right to be mad at anyone but myself. She talked to me a few times. I just studdered my way into nothingness. So if I could have anything in my life fixed it would be to have the courage to actually talk to girls.

I'd want a normal love life... a boyfriend..
I feel sooo alone sometimes, that I call up a friend of mine, who is not really a friend, but more of a recurrant one night stand, or a friend with benefits...
I am not proud of myself for doing it...

There is this one other guy, a friend of mine, that according to my psychologist, I am in love with :roll: and have been for years... ...I don't like to admit that I have feelings for anyone, but that damn shrink is right..... :?
He is a good guy, I kinda think he likes me too.. but I'm not 100% sure.. and I think that even if he told me he loved me, I wouldn't believe him...
We've had sex, and when we did, I told myself I was over him, I didn't want him.... I'm so scared, I don't want him to see me be vulnerable and admit I have any sort of feelings for him. I guess maybe it’s fear of rejection. I reject him before he can reject me.
...so yeah... I'd want to be able to have a normal healthy relationship with someone I care for... then I think I would be happier in life

I would also have to say a love life, its the one thing i feel could help me move forward so much and overcome this, its proably my main hurdle that i need to get over

See, maybe I'm just in denial, but I've never really had a love life and yet it isn't my main concern. The one thing I'd want is more confidence and an ability to assert myself without questioning myself so much, especially around people in authority positions. I want to be able to tune out those voices in my head that say "see, I told you, you're wrong!" I've got to not care about being wrong.

....the top thing i would want made right...is just for me to be able to be myself to people..to connect and form relationships..and to loose this stupid worrying..anxious feeling i have over every little fucking thing....then, i suppose, everything else would likely fall into place :roll:

i want to be myself around everyone. i can only act myself around one person and only if it's me and her because i get nervous in groups of ppl... i want to talk the way i do when i writ notes to my friends or talk online...all my friends say i talk to most when im writing/typing it than anyone they know but when i talk i just cant think of anything to say.

i would probably change that i would be able to speak around my friends.

maggie said:

....the top thing i would want made right...is just for me to be able to be myself to people..to connect and form relationships..and to loose this stupid worrying..anxious feeling i have over every little fucking thing....then, i suppose, everything else would likely fall into place :roll:

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Yep, me too. Connecting with people is the key for me. I just can't do it to the same degree that everyone else does. Even with the few people I've met who I actually like (even people who I would call friends), I like to keep my distance and keep socialising to a minimum.

I just don't get how normal people can go to dinners, parties, weddings etc all the time and actually enjoy themselves. I hardly ever go to them (maybe dinner occasionally) and when I do it's a chore rather than a pleasant activity. Often I would rather go to the dentist if given the choice.

I would like to see the one person who I loved more than anything...he's the only person that could ever make my heart beat faster

If I could be with the girl that I love with all my heart. Everything else can go to hell.

My mum getting better.

a bottomless bottle of absinthe in Amy Lee's bedroom :twisted:

in Horatio's dictionary the above statement is the definition you will find next to "Happiness"

I would like to disappoint someone for being myself and not give a shit. I would like to say what I think without wondering what it sounds like to someone else. I would like to laugh really loud and not want to take it back.
I would like to take charge of my life instead of letting other people's supposed thoughts rule me. If I could just be free from that---everything else would be fine.

blackcap said:

maggie said:

....the top thing i would want made right...is just for me to be able to be myself to people..to connect and form relationships..and to loose this stupid worrying..anxious feeling i have over every little fucking thing....then, i suppose, everything else would likely fall into place :roll:

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Yep, me too. Connecting with people is the key for me. I just can't do it to the same degree that everyone else does. Even with the few people I've met who I actually like (even people who I would call friends), I like to keep my distance and keep socialising to a minimum.

I just don't get how normal people can go to dinners, parties, weddings etc all the time and actually enjoy themselves. I hardly ever go to them (maybe dinner occasionally) and when I do it's a chore rather than a pleasant activity. Often I would rather go to the dentist if given the choice.

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me too blackcap :!:

The dentist is a good place for us. They tell you to open your mouth so there is no possible way they can expect you to talk :wink: Its fun until they try to numb you and it doesn't work so they have to give you another few shots :?

Thelema said:

The dentist is a good place for us. They tell you to open your mouth so there is no possible way they can expect you to talk :wink: Its fun until they try to numb you and it doesn't work so they have to give you another few shots :?

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lol..that's why i don't mind the dentist thelema...accept there's this one dental hygenist lady who works there..and if she's cleaning my teeth..she asks me all these stupid personal questions..just small talk really, and she expects me to answer her with my mouth wide open??!! 8O

maggie said:

lol..that's why i don't mind the dentist thelema...accept there's this one dental hygenist lady who works there..and if she's cleaning my teeth..she asks me all these stupid personal questions..just small talk really, and she expects me to answer her with my mouth wide open??!! 8O

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Probably the one time it's okay to just make mumbling sounds without actually saying anything! :lol:

I don't mind the dentist much either, although fillings aren't my favorite things in the world to get (still prefer that to going to a party or wedding though!). Luckily haven't needed anything worse than fillings for ages - I had my wisdom teeth out about 15 years ago and that was rather unpleasant. Not toooo sure if I would choose that over a social event but I would need to think about it 8O

But yeah, I guess I used that as an example because most non-SA people would find it crazy that someone would choose going to the dentist over socialising!

hey blackcap..that is funny really, what you said..if given the choice...the dentist would win over going out to a party..or socializing...me too!!...for a cleaning..a small procedure..a filling..definitely..but i might likely draw the line at a root canal 8)

thequietone said:

I would like to disappoint someone for being myself and not give a shit. I would like to say what I think without wondering what it sounds like to someone else. I would like to laugh really loud and not want to take it back.

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I think this is really key: learning how to be okay with other people being "disappointed" (usually they aren't though, we just perceive it that way). I wonder if there is something we can do to practice this? Logically, people with sa/sp shouldn't worry about it at all because they can't do any worse than they are doing, right? Perhaps we think others won't like us, or that we'll come across as rude or oppressive. But so what if things can't get worse? At least that's how it should be. I think I have this idea that I am a certain type of person and that others' perception of my persona will be violated if I express myself too much: better to be quiet and not give things away than to betray myself as just another loud mouth, right? Ah, but I wish I could just take that part of me and screw it. In reality I know I wouldn't be a loud mouth anyway. Even if I was, would it be worse than what I've got? Nope. Everything points toward my irrationality in witholding myself from others then. Sometimes when I get drunk or high I forget about everything, and things are good for a while. But what if there could be some kind of permanent breakthrough? I'm sitting here with the door of my dorm open, and I'm fantasizing about what would happen if I actually took all my clothes off and streaked down to the end of the hall and back. Of course, I would never do it. But if I did? Would it solve all my problems? Would I feel free to do anything after having done that? I'm not sure. Maybe, maybe not. In the grand scheme of things, it might actually make sense when I think about it. If I die and go to heaven and look back on my life and all the trivial things I worried about, I'd probably say to myself, "dammit, you should have done it... why not after all? you're dead now!" But it will still never happen. But maybe I can start with something smaller than streaking down the hallway. Something more people-oriented anyway... like I went to the gym the other day and signed up for a membership. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but I did it anyway because I knew I needed the exercise. So next thing I know I'm on the tour through the weight room with this huge, buff guy whose like 6'7" and I'm like 6' and skinny and dwarfed by this guy. I feel like a little circus monkey, or like a little retard, standing next to this guy watching everyone pump iron, and I'm like "hum-dee-dum... I have no idea what I'm doing." So now I'm "going to workout" twice a week, and hopefully I'll actually get into the weightroom without feeling too much like a total idiot... small steps I tell myself... small steps.

Re: What one thing made right would make you happier in life

cloaked said:

For me, it is my love life. I have never had a relationship. I think it is my worst problem. I don't want to die alone. I always see lots of potential girls for me, but I never do anything about it.

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I have the exact same problem and react the exact same way.

Like you, I also desire the love and affection of a lovely lady more than anything else. I've actually become quite content with being without friends; however, being without love is truly depressing.

What's even more depressing is knowing that the older I get, the harder it will become for me to find somebody. As my peers become more and more experienced with relationships, my relationship maturity has remained static. I know about as much about women now (age 24) as I did when I was 13. It's hard for me to imagine that anyone would want to go out with such an inexperienced man.

After many years of loneliness, I have come to accept the fact that I may die alone without ever experiencing the love and affection that a lovely lady can provide. The only way I keep my sanity is by focusing on the things in my life I have to be thankful for.